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Notes -
Having sex with someone definitely forms a deep connection with them, but it doesn't have to be permanent. I see sex, or one element of it, as the ultimate expression of rebellion against the fact that we will die alone. Inevitably futile, but that doesn't stop me in any other arena of life.
I'm with you on managing Dunbar's number, but these connections aren't supposed to be deep in a way that impacts that variable, they are deep but fleeting. Which still means you are more likely to suffer emotionally, yes, but that's the trap of modern society, of atomisation and antidepressants - you are limiting the suffering you may experience, but you are also limiting the joy you may experience. You can not avoid being hurt in this life, and trying to avoid it just lessens your capacity to deal with the really rough stuff.
It's definitely important to make sure your partner doesn't have different expectations though, that's for sure. But that's more a problem for people who go out and pick up at last call, or by getting blackout drunk and taking someone home. Forming a deep connection, even a fleeting one, requires getting to know the other person - including what they are getting out of it, and most people can change their perspective, sans some underlying issues.
In that arena the most common red flags are from the women who see these kinds of relationships as primarily vehicles for drama. They feel something missing from their lives but don't realise it's connection, and instead see its common side effect drama as the point.
And fair enough re prostitutes, I didn't realise you were coming at it from that'll angle.
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