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Notes -
Spitting into someone's mouth has far less likely a chance to give them psychological and physical damage. Insofar as harm is a thing we use to decide if something is a big deal or not, rape can be differentiated from forced mouth-spitting.
Sure, replace spitting in someone's mouth with violently beating them up and then spitting in someone's mouth and the problem reemerges, as violently beating people also has a large chance of causing psychological and physical damage. However society still see's a rapist as someone morally worse than someone who commits grevious bodily harm on someone before spitting in their mouth, the legal penalties may be similar, but there is a stigma attached to being a rapist that is not given to someone who harshly beat up his victim.
Probably because consent is the thing that people are assuming in the case of sex being "not a big deal". It's not a blanket statement about all sex, just like pro-lifers not being blanket pro-life in every situation.
Sure, but there is normally no consent in getting violently assaulted either. Compare to someone using Karate moves at you in a dojo when you're sparring vs them using the moves to assault you by surprise at 11pm as you walk home. We still don't see the Karate attacker who spits in your mouth after beating you up as being as bad as a rapist.
There is nothing incoherent about saying the okayness of a sex act, or sex in general, is contingent upon the context. The idea that you have to pick "big deal" or "not a big deal" for all circumstances is silly.
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