The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
-
Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
-
Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
-
Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
-
Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
I'm pretty sure they're just relabeling the clusters. Neuroticism is emotional stability, imagination is openness to experience.
My condolences. It's certainly not obvious from interacting with you, not that I think a forum like the Motte is a good way to gauge anything other than the openness to experience aspect, which can be quite blatant at times.
I suppose that I'm a fair representation of trading conscientiousness for raw intelligence, which got me pretty far in life, at least until the point I needed meds to keep up with med school, which to no one's surprise, is absolutely designed for high conscientiousness people.
My whole life I've played little mind games with myself to force myself to work. The only reason I graduated high school and college is because I'd use my overactive imagination and over-empathy to tell myself that my father would hate me and be disappointed in me forever if I didn't do well. Now in the workplace I do the same with my coworkers, "oh, this deal won't happen if I fuck this up", "what am I going to say to client if they call and ask where this is", "how upset is the MD going to look if I fail to complete this by tomorrow morning". In many cases they wouldn't even care that much, but I need to weave these narratives to be productive, essentially tricking myself into thinking my situation is a lot more desperate than it is.
I also didn't post about it here (or anywhere) because I was pretty ashamed, but I had an entire year a few years ago where I resigned from my then-current job after getting an offer somewhere else, ended up not starting (for a variety of reasons that didn't really have anything to do with me) and then did literally nothing for a year except play videogames, post here and walk around the city sometimes during the day. I wasn't even depressed, every day I'd tell myself 'hey, why not speak to those recruiters spamming you on LinkedIn, or to your old boss, or to your family', but I didn't want to, I was happy enough sitting on the couch. I lied to my parents about what I was doing (and I have my dad on LinkedIn, so it became pretty elaborate), my partner knew partially but was out working so saw less of it. I just couldn't bring myself to do anything. Fortunately I was saved when someone very kindly offered me (essentially) my job directly, bypassing the usual endless HR/recruiter process (I still had to it, but after the offer was made), and since I've been fine. But I terrify myself sometimes.
THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME. Wow! Except I didn’t leave for another job—I just quit with nothing lined up knowing I could probably easily get another job and needing to get away from what I was doing.
What I imagined I would do with all that free time compared to what I ended up doing with all that free time was a true blackpill. I now have proof that it is not a lack of time that is keeping me from reaching my personal goals; instead I now know that I don’t reach my personal goals because I’m a lazy, unfocused piece of shit who needs real consequences to make me do anything productive. So that was a fun lesson.
Like you, I too got rescued by an acquaintance who handed me my current job on a silver platter, though not as glorious as banking in London.
It’s a sad realization because I’m not sure what to do about it. I think it’s just who I am. People like us are capable of doing a lot, but only in desperate situations that are probably quite unpleasant, or when burdened with great responsibility (like being a single parent).
Interesting. It always seemed to me that society has always been composed of 1% that drives it, and the 99% that follows. And that 1% often gets frustrated because of that fact. This leads many in that intellectual and social engine to question the purpose of human life, which seems destined for suffering no matter how hard you try to avoid it, and with an inevitable end that truncates everything. And this leads to nihilism when it goes unchecked. It's important that we find a meaningful purpose in what we do or want to do, and for that, a period of societal hibernation is truly a luxury that everyone should afford at some point in their lives. Training, reading, traveling, wandering, thinking, and writing, especially today with the infinite resources available, is a very rewarding journey if the goal is to come out of hibernation as the best possible version of oneself.
Certainly happened to me. At some point, things turned around spectacularly in my life. Take it from a guy who was basically a bum for 2 years of his life.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
Wow it's interesting to read such a similar internal monologue to my own. I've consistently spent my young adult/adult life basically internally shaming myself into working.
Luckily I'm slowly managing to get a healthier relationship to my emotions, but it's a hell of a process to go through. Seems like you're okay with it though I guess, so that's good?
More options
Context Copy link
That does sound pretty bad, are you sure you don't have anxiety/depression yourself?
I spent about 4 months procrastinating on getting a new job after I got my GMC license, with the excuse that I was waiting for my girl to pass hers and get it too so we could leave together. Tbf, I dreaded going to work, because I despise standing around for hours as consultants perform interminable ward rounds. I take paracetamol just to get through the ache in my legs, and I'm useless and worn out after a 24h shift. Unfortunately, man's got to eat (and pay off debts incurred on my card on her behalf), so here I am again. Truth be told, the idea of heading for the UK alone scares the shit out of me, I'm scared I don't have my act together to the extent required to subsist as a lone adult without anyone to fallback on. Guess I'll have to bite that bullet at some point, I'm not getting any younger.
Wait you're going to the UK alone? Since when?
I gave the exams necessary to practise as a doc back in December, and got the results in Jan. Right now, I'm waiting for another set of exams that lets me enter specialty training, which will be in Jan. If I got a job there rn, it wouldn't count for career progression!
And I would very much rather not go alone, that's why I was waiting for my girl haha, we're going to give the new exam together too.
Cool well I wish you both luck! Obviously hope you can come to the Land of the Free at some point, but I guess you can hang out with @2rafa and the other British rabble in the meantime ;P
Trust me my heart's on your side of the pond, but until I sort out my USMLE issues, I'm going to have to settle for the UK :(
And thank you!
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link