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Small-Scale Question Sunday for August 20, 2023

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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If you are looking for something that might build some kind of relationship that lasts a relatively fun period of time and leaves you both feeling like you've contributed in some way to the net authenticity, and, even, romance of male/female interaction, I would rethink.

Completely disagree, will just copy+paste from my other comment:

Alcohol is a social lubricant and gives her another reason to rationalize sleeping with you quickly. And yes, that is important in online dating because you'll have lots of competition who won't be afraid to move fast. I think the whole idea that it's better to take time and build up to making her feel butterflies in her stomach only applies to someone you met more organically. In the online dating world, strike while the iron is hot or the whole situation will lose momentum.

There's really nothing about first date sex that would preclude a more meaningful relationship later on in my experience and those of my friends.

Do you cook? If so, decide a menu. Pick her up and take her grocery shopping. Buy wine if you must. The more stops on the way the better, up until your butter begins melting of course. If you can shop and get home before anything has begun to spoil, you're fine. Now go back home

Suggesting cooking dinner on a first date seems more like you're trying to sleep with her. I've done this on a 2nd date and did sleep with her and she was fully expecting that from the moment I suggested it. In fact I find it odd you didn't manage to (unless you were actively avoiding it).

Are we discussing online dating? That's a field I'm not at all familiar with, so I defer to those with experience.

You are probably right that a woman willfully crossing your threshold (I mean literally passing beneath the lintel of your doorway) is an indicator, though I would suggest it's an indicator less of "I am willing to have sex with you" as much as it is an indicator of trust in your behavior. And anyone met online might very reasonably lack such trust.

It may also, of, course, mean she is open to physical intimacy (including sex) but to just assume so strikes me as more PUA/Redpill dogma than anything resembling reality.

Mind you, I am not suggesting that you were wrong in your own assumptions regarding the 2nd date you mention; I'm sure you read all sorts of other signals and followed them to their conclusion.

I would also insert that I am probably adhering to more traditional norms and have assumptions and experiences based on the generation of women I came up with. I am not completely unfamiliar with one-night stands (again, always negotiated in my case via face-to-face meeting, not arranged via dating app or whatever) but I am also familiar with the very quick dissipation of passion that follows, especially if these assignations were fueled (or lubricated, to use your term) by alcohol.

That alcohol suppresses inhibition is of course news to no one. If you just want to get laid, sure, enjoy a few martinis together. You indicate surprise that I would make dinner for a woman and not then screw her, as if that were her tab for the meal. As a man, I don't think I can necessarily say with full confidence that I definitely would have had sex with any number of women (including broccoli girl) had I but reached out my hands to take, because who the hell knows what's in the heart of a woman? And I can count the times I myself have been propositioned on a few fingers, fewer still the times I have said no (though I have, and I don't think this should be surprising.) I say this only in response to your remark that you found it odd or surprising that I did not follow through with broccoli girl. She had annoyed me, and with more than just her vegetable prep tips. As for the bed memory, I recall the circumstances now and they're boring and have very little to do with sexy good times.