The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Notes -
I have the habit of attributing everything good about me to circumstances, luck or genetics but every failure it's my fault, my lack of dedication and my weakness. My unscientific hypothesis is that I don't trust my future self: it will disappoint me and will never be as good as my past self because the latter has not earned anything by himself but only by happenstance and will not be able to replicate this motions in the future. This lack of respect for the future self becomes lack of respect for my present self, because it is him who will become the deluding future self.
I would like to know how to respect myself more in the present but I don't even know what I would respect in my future self, I've never really had a role model or very engaged parents so I'm trying to navigate the world without a map or a compass. This lostness makes me want to puke; whenever I think of the future I see... nothing: not a desire, not an ideal life, not a dream come true, just an oppressive black.
Sigh, rant over, I suppose. I don't really know how to ask for help anymore, I just wish everything, or even anything, would start to make sense.
I haven't had issues as severe as yours, but it did take me years to develop a healthy enough ego to be assertive and realistic about my value. No promises they'll work for you but:
I looked at patterns that I'd seen repeatedly in my life - correlations that had been happening too often to dismiss. This could be consistent validation from others, success in difficult circumstances, or goals repeatedly met. You need to draw on those as happening to you because of you.
Attributing success to luck is healthy when you have a well-developed ego. Until then you need to look at it rationally with the above. How often can someone get lucky, realistically? Nobody ends up friendless and penniless on the street solely because of bad luck, nor successful because of great luck. This is a lie oft-repeated by those who haven't met enough people.
Attributing it to genetics is worse. It's a form of self-hatred. You've been given tools, sure. Dwelling on whether you deserve them on your fruits is - to put it bluntly - a huge fucking waste of time.
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Why do you care about what/who's fault it is? You have goals -- accomplish them or don't.
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