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Wellness Wednesday for June 21, 2023

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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I don't give up my seat for women. Like the responses you mention, i do give up my seat for expectant mothers, the elderly, the infirm, just like the sign on the train windows suggests. Anyone who seems distressed by standing i might offer my seat. People then refuse and we do the dance and i insist.

As for being a gentleman in the sense you're describing, i don't expect anything. I don't expect anything from taking my cap off indoors either, or removing my shoes at the door, or eating with my utensils instead of my bare fingers. I don't put my feet up on public furniture. I don't cut in line or spread all my stuff out on the train seat. I hold the door for women, but I also hold the door for whomever is walking after me, even if that someone is Dwayne Johnson (so far it hasn't been.) I do help women with heavy things, carrying heavy loads, etc. I don't expect any recompense, though a smile or a thank you is nice. I have never thrown my coat over a puddle of water for a woman to tread on. I do open the door for my wife, except for the times when I don't.

I do these things because I was raised to do them and because they seem benign and probably net positive behavior.