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ZorbaTHut  2yr ago (text post)   5437 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for September 11, 2022

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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When I was a young teen a girl I had a crush on offered to bake my some cookies. I turned this offer down on the grounds that not causing her extra effort made me a more attractive partner. I now know that this was a foolish understanding of how gift giving and general reciprocity work. People like doing other people favors. It makes them feel good and useful, not because they expect an equal or greater reward in the future but because it satisfies their self conception as a good and resourceful friend. When you try to balance the scales constantly it makes relationships feel transactional and cheap, sudden the sacrifice I made to be your designated driver is cheapened to some gas money.

I live under the philosophy that I should look for and utilize opportunities to do large amounts of good for other people are low cost to me and just be genuinely grateful when others do likewise to my benefit.

Later in my life I found out that especially an unsolicited gift is one form of manipulation

People who do this are to be avoided.

deleted

People who give unsolicited gifts or people who use unsolicited gifts to manipulate?

unsolicited gifts to manipulate

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