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This is the point of failure for me. Women say yes to a date, then turn out to apparently have zero availability for a date since they're busy every single day you propose, don't propose their own day, and when you ask them what day works best for them, they say "let me get back to you on that, not sure", and this process continues until I get the hint and go away. Or they say yes, then cancel on the day of. Or they say yes, then abruptly vanish. 95% of the matches that say "yes" do not result in an actual date happening.
Back when I was dating (online or no), I had the most success with (once we'd got to the point that a date was on the table) suggesting place, time, and activity all at once. "Let's get a drink after work at [place]. How's Wednesday at 6?" It's not clear from your post whether or not you're trying that, but I found that it opened up better "yes" and "no" responses — fewer flakes on "yes"es, as well as "no, but I can do [other day]", "no, I'd rather not do [activity]", "no, I'd rather go [somewhere closer]".
The average woman on a dating app has like a zillion unread notifications and a full schedule, so batching that stuff up is more respectful of her time and there's less chance for you to fall out of her loop of guys she's talking to. Win-win.
This happens on actual texting not the app itself, and yes I present dates as one message. Most recently, I proposed two different dates with different connotations (walk in the park on an afternoon or drinks a different evening) so she could pick the one she was most comfortable with. She just replied "so many options, lol." [Sound of head hitting desk]
Sigh. I take solace in the fact that men are often just as frustrating and incomprehensible to women as women are to us.
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I suppose that's why guys are told to basically go "I will be at X on Y, be there if you want".
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Keep your head up, King. Dealing with female passivity, flakiness, and fickleness is a universal frustration for men in dating, one that transcends space and time.
Your experience is well-illustrated by this roughly paraphrased and translated Latin American Spanish meme:
Guy: So when are you free to hang-out
Girl: Anytime you want 😊
Guy: How about tomorrow?
Girl: No, I can’t tomorrow
Guy: Monday?
Girl: Can’t Monday.
Guy: What about Thursday?
Girl: Thursday? Can’t either.
Guy: When then?
Girl: Anytime you want 😊
Even after getting her number, getting a girl to agree on a time to meet and having her actually show up instead of flaking is like pulling teeth. Girls are so passive that they often won’t offer any assistance at all through the process when they aren’t actively thwarting you, e.g., refraining from disclosing their availability so you have to play scheduling battleship, hoping you can read her mind such that you manage to call out a time that works on the first or second try (because the more guesses it takes, the more desperate you look and the more her remaining attraction for you is killed).
I’d guess my success rate for getting a number from a message off social media and online dating combined is about 1/25. Once a message is obtained, the success rate for getting a date arranged and her showing up is roughly 1/5. However, if she shows up, the probability of me banging her on the first date is like 4/5, especially since I try to chess-game it such that the date occurs at my place (which can be a negotiation process in and of itself). Or more succinctly stated:
P(Number Obtained | Message): 1/25
P(Date Realised | Number Obtained): 1/5
P(Bang | Date Realised): 4/5
These are all very much approximate figures picked in the moment, of course, to capture the spirit and degrees of magnitude. I totally feel you on the second step there being particularly aggravating. After grinding to get a number, there are still multiple hoops to jump through before a first date can occur—it feels so close yet so far—and if you fumble the prospect during that step, it’s often seemingly due to no fault of your own, little that you can point to where you could execute better next time.
Going back to the grind, playing the numbers game, and maintaining a deep prospect pool is the best solution.
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