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Wellness Wednesday for June 7, 2023

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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I'm a gay man in his 30s who is interested in dating or forming a long term relationship with a woman. I had girlfriends when I was a teenager but it never worked out due to sexual incompatibility, which I sort of regret. My libido has never been particularly high so I think I could forego sex. An intimate/emotional relationship with a woman is something I'm interested in pursuing, I'm interested if there are other people here who would have advice or are in the same position?

I would be totally upfront of course with any woman I was courting and imagine there must be women out there who would be OK with it, though really unsure about how to mention this on my dating app profile, or bring it up when dating. I'm not sure how to go about it though.

If you're monogamous, look for a hetero-/bi-/pan- romantic asexual woman.

https://www.asexualcupid.com/ might work.

Very late reply but thanks! I think looking for a woman who has low sex drive or is asexual is the way to go for me. I could probably perform when necessary but sex has to be a very small part of the relationship. I'm probably a 5.5 out of 6 on the Kinsey scale (almost but not quite exclusively homosexual).

Would you require monogamy from the woman? And if so: why?

I would prefer monogamy but it's not a dealbreaker. I'd be more comfortable probably if she was bisexual/lesbian and wanted to have sex with women in addition to our relationship - in fact I don't think I'd have any issue with that.

I took that as a hypothetical? That is, she could be in a relationship with someone she isn't attracted to in that way, which would be the case if (her set of people she were attracted to stayed the same and) she were with anyone other than Malcolm.