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Culture War Roundup for the week of May 22, 2023

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I've been out of the dating pool for a while, given that I went from a 5 year relationship straight into another, but I do consider myself above average when it comes to flirtation.

The following are low hanging fruit, and even if clichéd advice, it's cliché for a reason:

  1. Workout, you don't need to be massive, just above average and with some definition. It does wonders.

  2. Dress well. No need to chase fashion, a lot of the men obsessed with menswear look good despite their terrible yet fashionable fits. Get clothes that fit, and ideally flatter the body you made through working out.

Nothing that follows is nearly as universal:

Women do like it when you're confident, and if doesn't come naturally, fake it. I'm nerdy and slightly introverted, but unless you're in repeated contact with someone who likes those qualities, you're better off projecting confidence and then hoping they come to accept you the way you are after it wears off.

I've had eagerness pay off, especially when combined with charm. No tips on how to be the latter, but the truth of the matter is that you need to put yourself forward because only the 99th percentile of guys can relax and let women chase them. The rest of us have to work for it.

Don't be afraid of dating in the workplace, unless yours is particularly anal about it. It's easy to say not to shit where you eat, but when half or more of your waking time is spent in a place, it's difficult to find the time or energy to look elsewhere.

Another great help is having platonic female friends, especially the ones in a committed relationship. I've noticed that women love playing matchmaker, so make it easy for them.

As for persistence, it varies from girl to girl. But in general, you're better off erring on the side of it than not. If she's still distant or unresponsive after plenty of effort, cut your losses.

CHA is an ability score, some people have CHA 0 and some CHA 25. The smooth talking charming playboys may not have been as smooth-talking when they were junior Chads in high school... but they were better than all the other students, by a lot. They were quite recognizable. And they have more potential to improve.

I've noticed that women love playing matchmaker, so make it easy for them.

Depends. Hasn't been my experience - I have lots of female friends; they have either expressed sadness that a partner isn't happening for me or felt that I should never have one/that I was fucking up or being a presumptuous jackass by even asking.

Don't be afraid of dating in the workplace, unless yours is particularly anal about it. It's easy to say not to shit where you eat, but when half or more of your waking time is spent is a place, it's difficult to find the time or energy to look elsewhere.

Yeah, I hate the advice not to date in the workplace. I get it in certain circumstances, but I met my wife at work and met previous girlfriends there as well. I was still working in science for all of these and I just plain like scientist women. If you work at FacelessGlobocorpX, OK, go ahead and pass on dating people there unless you meet someone truly excellent, but if you're working in a field where it's actually part of your personality, you're apt to have jumped a number of hurdles already with the people you meet there.

If you're in a niche field with limited employers, it feels like you're more likely to be nuked from orbit professionally if you make an unwise advance, no? Not that I don't think your wisdom holds, but generally holding back from workplace dating is more about avoiding the consequences than the specific benefits.

Sure. Life's full of tradeoffs though, and I saw a lot more happily married couples that met in labs than people whose lives were destroyed by malicious actions on the part of their former partners.

Yes but said married couples are more likely to have completed their courtship in earlier eras + I've got a lot more marital lifelines than I do career ones.