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Notes -
Thank you for the detailed advice. I'm going to propose with a fake ring and then discuss what the real ring should be in detail before buying one, so there isn't going to be any tricking. But she is also incredibly shy and reluctant about receiving gifts, so it needs to be more about the thought put into it and the sentimental value than mere monetary cost. If I spend too much she will feel guilty about the burden, but if I even suggest something inferior she will be secretly disappointed and then feel guilty about not appreciating something that I did for her and try really hard to pretend she likes it.
Your point about elaborate designs is helpful. I'm still trying to decide how quirky/unique I want to go versus just plain fancy. Like, I've been looking at dragon and cat shaped rings and gemstone patterns, which would be more special and sentimentally unique to her, but the goofiness might detract from the universal beauty standard?
I suppose I can't plan too much ahead of time before I've actually had the discussion with her. But if I just bluntly say "you can have whatever you want" she is probably going to get overwhelmed by the pressure of too many options with no direction.
That's a good reflex. What you pick for her will have an added sweetness to it, where her pick will be a compromise she can see.
I like your idea of proposing with another ring, but I would look for something that is "good" but cheap rather than fake. I don't know what your budget is, but years after we got married I bought my wife another ring. The ring I proposed with, that my mother helped find, was great but for my wife's child-bride fingers it is HUGE and she barely wears it. So once we were in the Berkshires at a legal dispensary and we happened to see a jewelry store going out of business and bought a ring that was on sale. Kinda like this, but a little smaller and cheaper. She wears that all the time rather than her real engagement ring. If I needed a placeholder I'd look for something like that.
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