The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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Hard to say, I don't really have the transformation you're undergoing to talk about. When I started lifting in college I went from 5'11" 165 to 185-195 for ten years, but I kept wearing 32 pants and a 40 jacket they just fit differently over time. I generally am in Thibs' old Muscle Migration Theory, my weight and general muscle stayed the same it just varied from half assed Oly lifting to climbing to powerlifting. It's only in the last year I changed up my lifting and my supplements and packed on another ten pounds to 205 and just can't find fucking anything that fits right without stretch. I'm definitely the attached meme here, my level of female attention has barely changed from 18 to 31 despite carrying 20 or 30 more pounds of decent muscle, at varying distributions and levels of leanness. Lovers will often compliment things like my shoulders, or my forearms, or my biceps, but only after we get together and I strongly suspect that they are pretty secondary to the attraction.
In general my model of human, and especially hetero male, attractiveness is that the curve is very discontinuous. The return to a good vs a great personality is more or less zero difference if you're a totally unfuckable 1/10, and even getting to a 2/10 won't change much, but get to a 5/10 and all that starts to come into play. An 8/10 handsome face attached to a 3/10 fatbody doesn't deliver much, but put it on a 5/10 ordinary body and all of a sudden it's go time. Essentially the biggest returns are all at that point between 3-6/10 when you go to average and then slightly above average; then there is almost no return until you get to 9/10 and you're actively everyone-in-the-room-looks-at-you gorgeous. The factors all kind of hang together and need to be in line for any one to really give you returns.
Which is to say: You've been a good looking smart charismatic dude all along, you finally dropped the literal anchor holding you back. Better living through chemistry. Mazel tov!
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Hmm. I kind of disagree here. Being 2/10 probably sucks a good deal less than being a 1/10. At a certain level of unattractiveness...say bottom five percent or so, rough ballpark...it's kind of understood that you're not interested in sex or relationships, and to be interested - even in the abstract - is transgressive and creepy. Nope: Quasimodo doesn't get to join in when the guys are shooting the shit about attractive celebrities, there's an awkward silence. If Quasimodo hits on Jane Average, there is a good chance that he will be considered creepy for doing what would be unremarkable for Joe Average. Once you aren't experiencing what disability theorists call desexualization...yes, you're right there. It's a logit-curve-shaped distribution.
No, I am not pulling this from my ass, incel boards, or other crap. I've personally experienced this (although it was due to a combination of autism and physical unattractiveness; I've had friends tell me on several occasions that I either should never have a relationship or that my only hope was gold diggers). And my experience aside, I've had similar conversations with unattractive men and women that described the same phenomenon I'm talking about...not to mention the disability theorists' description of this.
This is NOT "You're unattractive; I'm not interested" but "Damn: you're unattractive as fuck - how dare you be interested in anyone, ever?". It's doing poorly on the basketball court versus being told you shouldn't even be on the court at all.
My point coincides with yours, my man.
I think of a 1 and a 2 as equally more or less unfuckable grades, so moving up one grade delivers nothing at all. Being Disney Quasimodo rather than Hugo Quasimodo delivers no advantages.
Going from an unfuckable 2 to a merely unpleasant 3 is a HUGE return, going from 3 to a below average 4 and to average 5 and above average 6 are each delivering returns. But getting from above average to slightly more above average delivers less.
Yep. There’s either three or five classes. A lot of average in the middle to chug through. Like…there’s 0s, 1s, and 2s. Or 0, 1, 2, 3, 4.
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Also highly relevant in the middle tier is dressing well and getting a decent haircut. Contrary to what the Russians mentioned in the thread the other day think, maintaining a decent haircut isn't gay and doesn't take any real effort. If you're going to be wearing a suit, do get it tailored. Buy shirts that conspicuously display your forearms when they're rolled up. Whatever positive features you have, accentuate them.
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