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Notes -
I want you to know that I read the whole first of your post thinking it was Lovecraftian horror that had been proclaimed lovely and worthy of celebration. That you were getting existential dread every time the NYT treated Lovecraft as an aesthetic touchstone rather than a cause for gibbering horror. It wasn’t until I got to the bullet points that I realized what I was missing.
Anyway.
Why isn’t surrogacy compatible with tolerance, with live-and-let-live? A woman should be able to consent to bearing children. So long as she’s not forced into it, not losing her rights to life and liberty, she can have children with whomever she pleases. The men don’t have a right to have children. But I don’t see what woman’s right is violated by an agreement to have them.
Consider the converse. Is it acceptable for a lesbian couple to voluntarily bear an outside man’s children? (I think so, though I am probably biased; my parents are godparents to two such kids.) The same goes for a straight couple hiring a surrogate due to infertility. If she’s willing, and they’re unable, it is a win-win.
The other nice part is that you aren’t forced to see that photo as a nice family moment. It’s kind of unsettling to me, too. Something about the implication that the woman is subservient triggers my chauvinist instincts, perhaps? But I don’t have any reason to believe that it’s actually harmful, except for a bit of secondhand embarrassment for the participants of this awkward photo.
One final note. Transhumanism seems obviously correct to me in the same way as using tools or building personal relationships. I believe we should strive to surpass our mortal limits, and that the fleshy layout of the human body is māyā rather than an essential component of Humanity. Luminous beings are we, not this…crude matter. You may disagree, but I believe that will hold your children back from the stars.
I'd say bodily autonomy is a secondary argument to fetal personhood. But, more importantly, it doesn't keep the mother from choosing pregnancy. She is allowed to accept that imposition and risk. Bodily autonomy is about ensuring she is allowed and not required to do so.
I don't feel like slavery is a very good comparison. It is indefinite, rather than temporary, and it represents a much broader concept of "ownership." Plus it's hard to separate from the much more prevalent nonconsensual slavery. Indentured servitude is a better fit, and my objections against it are weaker. Both slavery and indentured servitude involved further acquisition of rights over the worker, such as allowing transfer or extension of contract, than surrogacy.
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