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I haven't ever worked as a server, and there a bunch of people online talking about tipped positions raking in the cash, making $20 - $50/hr. I assume based on this it's not true where you live? Does your romantic partner have that issue as well? It's not like it makes financial sense to immediately return to a low wage, physically demanding position six weeks after giving birth anyway, and put a month old baby into childcare. Also, there are people willing to donate diapers, if that's actually a problem. They cost about $40/month.
It sounds like you've had some bad experiences with employers. Working for a bad boss can be horrible. That seems like something that has to be figured out regardless of children, though, since working another 30 years for someone who takes advantage of you and you don't respect would be terrible even without kids. Also, first point
I was surprised how easy it was to get pregnancy and infant medicaid, which covers all costs, including a choice of hospital of midwife in my state.
I've moved states a lot. There isn't a high cost to interstate travel? I'm not sure why you would think that? Like, yes, you have to wait until a lease is up or negotiate with the landlord, get rid of all your furniture, and pack everything into your car or a rental truck that you're able to drive yourself, but that's a willingness, not exactly a cost. I moved cross country with my husband and baby in a small SUV a couple of years ago. It was a bit stressful, but basically fine.
There's probably no way to confirm, ahead of time, that you won't pass your issues along to your children, seeing as how issues are just about universal among humans. That isn't to say the therapist isn't worthwhile, maybe they are, but the idea of getting one's whole emotional and financial life in order before having kids is probably not realistic. I'm a decade older and still not in perfect order, but am still glad my daughters exist, and they also seem glad they exist.
Servers making $20 - $50 an hour is so rare I have never met a server IRL who has made that money consistently and instead on a handful of holidays throughout the year. Tips, in my opinion, are compliments by customers to their servers, not gambling percentages meant to help owners from paying livable wages. It creates a hostile relationship between the customer and the server.
Working for a bad boss is inevitable, I agree, but I believe living in a state with strong labor laws gives you more options to respond to that than what I found here, which is "suck it up" or "quit and get no unemployment". It prevents bad managers and owners from ruining their own businesses with high turnover rates - and therefore ruining the income of multiple people - by having laws that protect employees in hostile work environments.
I'm glad you were able to find help easily. It's not the same for others in my experience.
There is generally a high cost in my opinion as someone who has lived in 4 states. The only reason my family was able to move was because my father had a high-paying career that allowed us to rent out all the necessary services to successfully move a family. I am considering in having children what my freedoms are in terms of movement. What if a state passes hostile laws that force me to relocate?
There is no way to confirm, yes, and there will always be something to get in order, but there are fundamental problems with patience, kindness and positivity that are a result of growing up with incredibly negative and angry parents who constantly fought because their social conservatism told them women were children, men were rapists, marriage counselors were quacks and divorce was admitting weakness. I definitely have checkpoints I intend to reach in emotional maturity before I deal with the emotions of another person, much less my children.
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