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naraburns  nihil supernum  1yr ago (text post)   34968 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of March 6, 2023

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But I don't recall ever seeing dating advice, even from feminists, suggesting that any woman wants a proposition like "How about being my no-strings-attached fuck buddy?"

Not directly, and certainly not specifically about that topic. But there is quite a bit of "always be honest about what you want" messaging out there that, on the surface, seemingly points in that direction. Which does indeed seem disingenuous, because following that advice will rarely if ever work out well for the kind of guys who need dating advice in the first place. I don't really believe that "shit tests" are something anyone does in a conscious, deliberate way, but advice like that makes it easy to see why some people find it tempting to believe in them.

There's a difference between being honest and being honest. You talk to said friend and say you've built an attraction to them, and wonder if they're up for exploring things further. You don't walk up an basically say, "want to be friends with benefits" with no lead up.

Now, before you respond, yes, if you were 6' 4" and ripped, you could maybe do that. But even then, that guy could easily crash 'n' burn with an approach like that. Especially in a situation where that isn't expected. Yes, at a club in Vegas you can try for the direct approach, but not at what seems like outside of a study session at a school library.

say you've built an attraction to them, and wonder if they're up for exploring things further. You don't walk up an basically say, "want to be friends with benefits" with no lead up.

The difference here is one of suaveness, not honesty.

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