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naraburns  nihil supernum  1yr ago (text post)   35038 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of March 6, 2023

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I think our disagreement is that you think the explicit message is "We like to fuck just as much as you do" and that implies "We have exactly the same attitudes towards sex and relationships that you do."

I can see how a socially obtuse person could infer the second statement from the first, but this goes back to the need to help socially obtuse people navigate social messaging that usually communicates things beyond the surface level.

  • -10

I think our disagreement is that you think the explicit message is "We like to fuck just as much as you do" and that implies "We have exactly the same attitudes towards sex and relationships that you do."

That is the message people - including some feminists - have gotten.

There's been a recent push for post-Sexual Revolution feminist philosophy for laymen and, from what I've heard from Louise Perry, that is one of the major bones of contention. That a lot of the messaging was basically that: "anything you can do we can do as well, or better"

From a review of her book (which matches what I've heard from her):

Well, not quite everything, as the author herself understands. True, women understandably celebrated their new freedom from unwanted pregnancy and successfully created a culture in which the traditional double standard seemed like the absurd relic of an oppressive age. Yet, over the ensuing decades, as sexual taboos melted away, women found themselves marching to the beat of another set of equally ill-suited norms. These norms largely aligned with the preferences of those high in sociosexuality, which generally means men, writes Perry. The idea was to be able to “have sex like a man,” in Sex and the City’s memorable phrase—purely for fun, without any messy emotions or attachments. Perry catalogues magazine and web articles explaining how to avoid “catching feelings” after a hook up, examples of women who can’t quite explain why they’re unhappy in a friends-with-benefits “pseudo-relationship,” and porn showing women “begging men for painful or degrading sex acts.” The cool kids, goes the message, should be comfortable with any and everything purported to bring sexual pleasure: oral, anal, polyamory, threesomes, BDSM, breath play (i.e., choking). The only limiting factor, the only moral imperative really, is consent from both parties.

https://www.city-journal.org/review-of-the-case-against-the-sexual-revolution

So, even for some feminists, the message was not necessarily that nuanced IRL.

I think our disagreement is that you think the explicit message is "We like to fuck just as much as you do" and that implies "We have exactly the same attitudes towards sex and relationships that you do."

I don't think this quite gets at the heart of it. It's not that "exactly the same attitudes" are implied, but certainly SOME sort of attitude is. Because the concept of "liking" something comes with it certain attitudes. If you like pizza so much that you'd eat it even if you're so full as to throw up or accompanied with chocolate cake or if the pizza is cold, and you're told that someone else likes pizza as much as you do, you'd reasonably be surprised if they only wanted fresh pizza from a specific restaurant and when they're hungry. Even if they clearly got just as much enjoyment out of that pizza as you did and would move heaven and Earth to get to that restaurant for that delicious, delicious pizza. That's not someone who meaningfully likes pizza as much as you do.

I can see how a socially obtuse person could infer the second statement from the first, but this goes back to the need to help socially obtuse people navigate social messaging that usually communicates things beyond the surface level.

Yes, this I agree with, and I think we can say that the types of feminist messaging about which we're talking is for the benefit of the socially apt at the cost of the socially obtuse. Perhaps all social messaging is like this to a large extent, though some are probably better than others at elegantly handling its predictable failure modes.

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