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I believe in the squeeze.
I think I'd basically internalized it as a thing that exists, and that this post had more of an effect on making me realize other people don't think it exists. I'd probably end up in arguments with those people and we'd just talk past each other, not realizing that we have a fundamentally different view of reality.
It always felt like there was something in the water ... or in the culture that just didn't want men to have sex. I kind of remember in college the first time I realized that women actually enjoy sex. I was dating my college girlfriend, and a new video game had come out. She was texting me to get me to come over to her place. Normally she only needed a light suggestion and I'd run over to her dorm, we'd pretend like we were hanging out to do something else, and then inevitably fuck like rabbits. But this time I was being reluctant cuz I wanted to play this new video game. For the first time she got more explicit in the text messages saying that she wanted to have sex. My mind was blown that she actually wanted to have sex. This "revelation" continued to repeat itself for just about every girlfriend and one night stand I had after that.
At some point I had a talk with my mother about this. She is a biologist by training and never had the normal awkwardness talking about sex things with her kids. She was flabbergasted that I had this idea about women not enjoying sex, she was adamant that she hadn't taught me that. I still don't really understand where I got the idea from. Culture is what I choose to blame, because no one ever said it explicitly: "Men shouldn't have sex. Its selfish, gross, and just plain wrong."
I was very horny as a young man, so despite being aware of the societal conditioning I just went right through it and kept trying to have sex. Its safe to say that my mid to late teens and early twenties were basically consumed with the pursuit of women and sexual gratification. It probably would have been better and more healthy for me if I spent less time so obsessed with sexual gratification. Society had a set of brakes meant to slow me down, but they failed on me, and they probably failed on every other male that they were meant to be applied to.
Instead those brakes seemed to work really well on the guys that needed a push. Scott Alexander and Scott Aaronson both describe it better than I could, and from an internal viewpoint. I also had plenty of friends that I saw fall into that pattern. Many of them seem to have made it out, but it took a while.
I can't help but feel there are a set of guys out there that really should slow the hell down. They aren't doing themselves any favors, the women they sleep with any favors, or society in general any favors. But there is no easy way of targeting those specific men, so society just kind of targets all men. I knew some of these guys, they'd have sex with a different woman almost every night of the week. I was hanging out with one of these guys and he complained to me that the night before he'd messed up his scheduling and thus ended up having sex with two different women the same night. I was like is that normal? And he responded "no, I'm normally better about that, it only happens once a month or so". That guy needed brakes.
In the end, I don't know if I really see things improving in the future. Society and individuals keep getting pissed off at the men that are the equivalent of 18 wheelers barrelling through the roadblocks they setup. The roadblocks work just fine on all the guys that are the equivalent of ford pintos or mopeds. Its a society wide Chinese finger trap, where the correct solution is to relax and push into the trap, rather than use force and try to pull away. If society made it really easy for guys to have sex and meet women, then they'd all start pairing off together. And their would be fewer targets for the guys just trying to sleep with everything that moves.
This is the first time im coming across the brake analogy, I like it and will think about it on as to whether it fits into my current model, because it certainly explains some things, but i need to think on whether its just a side effect or not.
Evidently, I might not have the healthiest ideas about sex or relationships. I too absolutely could not fathom that women enjoy sex at all. The first time a woman moaned when having sex with me, it was a surreal experience. I literally could not believe my lying ears. I dont know who to blame for this either, I definitely did not seek this out either and no one told me as much in explicit terms, maybe the brakes worked on me, I dont know but somethings in the water and I will point that out.
The old joke among incels is that "of course women want to have sex; they just don't want to have sex with you".
Women certainly can enjoy sex... with the right guy, in the right place at the right time, if he does the right things to please her, and so on and so forth. Saying flatly that "women don't enjoy sex" is of course very incorrect, but there are still authentic, irreconcilable differences in how men and women relate to sex and how they experience sexual desire. Women, on average, will never be as radically DTF as men are. They can't afford to be that profligate with their scarce reproductive resources.
A female friend once told me, "putting a dick in your pussy feels like putting your finger in your nose; it doesn't really feel like anything". Her experience isn't universal, but it's common enough. Female sexual desire is more complicated than just "I am having sex and sex is awesome".
While the orgasm gap definitely goes a long way to explaining why women are less radically DTF than men, I think that male sexual desire is also more complicated than "I am having sex and sex is awesome." Yassine put it well in the latest Bailey podcast when he said that the straight male desire for sex is mostly about status. Men want to have sex with the most physically attractive woman they can find willing to have sex with them, because of the status/ego boost. "She's so hot, she could bang literally any guy she wants, and she chose to bang ME!" This explains the disconnect in some of the other discussions in this thread around "incels should stop complaining about how hard it is to get laid, it's really not that hard, all you have to do is X" where X is a list of things like going to bars all the time, learning how to chat up women, learn how to dress better, etc. And at that point it starts to sound like a lot of work. And if you have to put a lot of work into getting laid, suddenly it's not such a status boost, is it? Now she's not banging me because she chose me out of all these other guys, she's banging me because I was the only guy who was willing to flatter her for long enough.
There's certainly an equivalent for straight women but it's the commitment after the sex that is important, not the sex itself. "He's so smart and successful, he could choose to commit to any chick he wants, and he's committing to me!" And I think "can't afford to be that profligate with their scarce reproductive resources" translates to "can't afford to hoe around too much or it will be impossible to get any high-status male to commit to me" in modern times.
This is a ridiculous assertion. If sexual desire were mostly about status then substitutes for sex would also be about that. But the obvious substitutes (masturbation and pornography) do not confer status. Instead, they mimic the physical qualities of sex. I won't argue that status plays no role at all, but it plays much less of a role than the actual sensations do.
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