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naraburns  nihil supernum  1yr ago (text post)   5122 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for March 5, 2023

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I'll be attending a Jewish funeral in NYC in the near future related to my children's other side of the family. Not really practicing, generally middle-class blue tribe types, but there will be more high-achieving and high-believing great-aunts/uncles in attendance. Any customs or issue to potentially be aware of?

I'm assuming I need to force the boy into slacks and a dress shirt, but I am sure there are elements and expectations there that I am totally clueless about.

Most middle class blue tribe Jews aren't super knowledgeable about Judaism, unfortunately, and Rabbis are well aware of it. So when you'd have to do something, you'll be told. And if you don't do it exactly right, it's no big deal either. Otherwise, just general stuff appropriate for the occasion - modest somber dress, head covering for males (if you forget one, there's a chance the Rabbi will have some spares), common sense behavior. I don't think there would be any other expectations from you.

Assuming American Jews will do a traditional Jewish funeral:

  1. Heads up, there’s no casket. The body goes in the ground in wraps.

  2. The ceremony is mostly just a Rabbi saying stuff and some prayers. It’s not long. In some parts other people will join in, but it’s not expected of you if you’re not Jewish - you’re not excluded, it’s just not an issue either way.

  3. Men and boys should have a kippa (yamaka) on, even if they’re not Jewish. A hat will do as well. Women and girls don’t wear kippas.

Men and boys should have a kippa (yamaka) on, even if they’re not Jewish. A hat will do as well. Women and girls don’t wear kippas.

Silly question: to what degree have the inverse traditions of removing/not removing one's hat among Christians and Jews evolved due to a need of signalling one does not belong to the other group?

That’s a great question, I’ve noticed it as well. I read up a tiny bit on the origins of the Kippa, and it looks a part of it is being forced to wear identifying dress after around 1215. So the answer would be “yes, but originally not voluntary signaling“.

The opposition to Christians reasoning is likely post-dated. The tradition of wearing head covering goes back a while and likely if not predates Christianity then at least contemporary with very early years of it: https://judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/751/kippa-in-torah

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