The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
Virginity isn't really fetishized - partially because there are so few virgins. If anything it probably overlaps with ephebo- and pedophilic tendencies. But there's also very little sense that your 'first' is special. For an embarrassingly large number of gay men, including myself, their 'first' was probably not a long term girlfriend with months of buildup and anticipation. It was probably a forgettable hookup, one of a long line.
So it's not that it's some black mark - but it does feel alienating to hear gay guys talk about their sexual exploits (note that this isn't bragging - having a four digit body count is not an accomplishment for a gay man) and have nothing to offer yourself. And it kind of leaves me at a loss because I don't really know what I want or what would satisfy me. So that's all on top of being very introverted and constantly grappling with the thought that there's something wrong with me.
Huh, guess it's the straights that aren't ok after all. It's interesting how the feelings you express are things I would have identified strongly (and wrongly!) with my senior year of high school: I lack experience compared to the partners I'm seeking, and if I need experience to get a job I'll never get experience, and I'm doomed!
Hope your 2023 brings clarity on what you want followed by bringing you what you want!
Gay hookup culture has drawbacks as well as advantages. And it's not that I can't get experience. It would be pretty easy for me to get laid. Despite my anxiety about my appearance and physique, men are attracted to me.
Thank you for the positive thought, though.
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