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Notes -
This hasn't been my experience.
Men genuinely admire their betters. That guy can jump really high. He can play the guitar well. He is smart. He is tall. These are all good qualities that I admire him for and wish I had.
Conflict among men comes when there are status uncertainties. I think I'm better than him, he thinks he's better than me. Now we have to fight about it.
There's also the case where natural hierarchies are upset by outside forces. I'm better than him, but he got promoted because his dad's the boss/he's black/he kisses ass/etc... Now I hate him for his unearned status and he hates me for my superiority.
This is an example of status uncertainty, not tall poppy syndrome. The bully's logic is "I'm big and strong. That means I'm better than this weakling. But he won an award from teacher. Why should this inferior specimen be above me?".
This status confusion is imparted by a third party, the teacher who rewards boys based on an alien value system. None of the boys actually think the "small but smart" kid is a tall poppy. Quite the opposite. He belongs at the bottom of the hierarchy.
On the other hand, in a clique of boys who are on the math team, then the "small but smart" kid might actually be a tall poppy. He is the best at what they do, and he will be admired by the other boys for his skill.
What is happening if a woman is an excellent singer? A perfect mother? A physics professor? Isn't it the same thing, they are claiming status on some dimension but other hypothetical women want status to be primarily based on another axis. Status uncertainty.
If we stick to a situation where a group all share the same preference for what dimension should count most, like I dunno a hockey team. I think everyone respects the best player regardless of gender?
Not exactly sure how to isolate the difference you are talking about here. Perhaps you could give a clear example of a tall poppy situation with women where it is not a case of status uncertainty?
Yeah, thinking about it more, I think it's status uncertainty for both genders. It's just that female status is complicated.
Women are attracted to the top men in male status hierarchies.
Men are attracted to beautiful women, largely ignoring female status hierarchies.
So women have more opportunities for conflict based on status uncertainty. "I'm the best opera singer, but all the boys want to date her instead. It's not fair! Girls, let's sit somewhere else for lunch today".
Women have twin status hierarchies, one based on physical beauty and one based on merit. Men just have one.
Well, there's something in that especially in a school type scenario where attractiveness and status are perhaps most correlated, but I dunno if status is ever really simple. Venkatesh Rao has great material on this and the idea of keeping status deliberately illegible among a group:
https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2010/10/14/the-gervais-principle-iv-wonderful-human-beings/
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There are cultures famed for “tall poppy syndrome” like Japan and Scandinavia that were run mostly by men until very recently.
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