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Culture War Roundup for the week of February 24, 2025

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There are challenges to assimilating into Japan that surprise even the weebiest: partly because what's shown in media is a very specific slice of everyday culture, partly because some aspects of the culture are so alien to Americans they have to live here for a few years before they even realise that those aspects exist.

In America, honesty and self-expression is a moral duty. In Japan, self-expression is (literally) selfishness.

You are expected to show the socially-appropriate face at all times. It doesn't matter if you disagree with your boss, it doesn't matter if you didn't mean to upset the person demanding an apology, it doesn't matter if you want to dress differently from other people, it doesn't matter if you think your parents are being stupid or overbearing. You are expected to do what is Done, and to uphold the harmony of the community.

Westerners in general and Americans in particular struggle with it hugely. They find it hard to behave appropriately, because they feel a moral duty to be honest and to push back against perceived unfairness. They also find it hard to feel comfortable around people who they think are putting on a fake face. Multiple American friends who've lived here for a long time tell me they feel like they're surrounded by aliens, or robots.

(For me it's easier because Britain also has a strong culture of 'what is Done', so I'm used to expressing different sides of myself in different roles and I have more ways to show my feelings without stepping out of bounds).

Then you have all the things that are necessary to maintain the cohesion that makes Japan work. Seniority is supreme: you can be fifty, sixty years old and your boss will still dress you down like a child in front of your colleagues to make sure you know your place. Your child is quite likely be bullied in school for being different (maybe, I don't have first-hand reports on this, just rumours). Often, your wife will expect absolute control over your bank account and your child, and may react to your attempts at co-parenting with jealousy at you muscling in on her turf (I've seen this).

Don't get me wrong, I love Japan. It's a great place to live and although I don't have many native friends I'm very fond of the ones I have. The depiction above is deliberately coloured as 'the other side' of what anime-lovers like me imagine before we come here. But assimilating, really assimilating, is very difficult. Maybe even impossible - I suspect the relevant personality traits are genetic. And after a few years, you look around and realise that you're living in a ghetto because it's just...easier to live around people like you.