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Notes -
From time to time I have had sudden bouts of insecurity because I never had an experience like that when I met my wife, or when we were dating. So when people talk about “love at first sight” I get uncomfortable. I’m a romantic at heart, and I like the idea of falling desperately in love with someone like that, but that’s not what happened to me. I was not especially attracted to her when I met her, no more than any other young woman. I grew to love her slowly, as I got to know her. I love her deeply today: I would die for her if I had to. But I never “fell for her”, so to speak.
Of course I never fell for anyone else either. There have been three times in my life that I saw a woman and was struck by her beauty. I felt strongly physically attracted to her: infatuated might be a good word. But I wanted to bed those women, not love them. Two of them were complete strangers whose character was unknown to me. The third I had a conversation with, and discovered she was not the kind of person I wanted to have a discussion with, much less live with. It was lust only.
You're not alone. I've never fallen head over heels for anyone this way. I've pined for and creeped over many girls in my youth, but it has always been a gradual and groundless infatuation.
My wife doesn't like to be reminded of it, but I asked her out because I didn't feel this crippling anxiety around her that came with my usual feelings towards a girl.
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While that moment is an incredible memory, it's long ago been dwarfed by the rest of our relationship. I've been a hopeless romantic since I was very young. 99/100 times, it was just a way to get my feelings hurt, but eventually, it stuck.
Many such cases.
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