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Notes -
To the Motte, Seeking your sage wisdom, I come back asking for advice on how to make an LDR work.
Duration:
Best case - 4 months (with visiting)
Worst case - 7 months (with month long visit)
Medium case - 4 months without visiting
Time Delta: EST vs GMT+4:00, so 9 hours.
Overall sentiments: We want to make it work even though it's painful given its a new/fresh relationship and we know each other for roughly 4 months. (Things progressed very fast)
I am aware of the common pitfalls, failure modes, ways to make it work. But what are some unknowns and lesser known tips or pitfalls?
One that comes to mind is that undercommunication is a common failure mode, but so is overcommunication. Couples tend to overcompensate for the distance, but as a result overwhelm each other with their constant digital presence, which ultimately harms the relationship. I'm not sure exactly how to pull this off given my girl wanted almost constant communication while she was here and was very needy.
Another failure mode seems to be doing an LDR at all. Things would have picked up just fine once the partner was back and resulted in a healthy relationship, but going through an LDR results in the potential relationships failure due to the challenges it brings. I don't think this is a good strategy if things are already serious.
What are the signs you know it will work? How to make it work? Give me all your LDR knowledge.
Discuss this in detail before she leaves. Set realistic expectations. I was in the exact situation 15 years ago, we didn't discuss that, and as a result still get stress flash-backs when I hear the classic Skype ringtone.
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While I'm not a relationship expert, I've had an LDR which eventually fell apart because we were poorly suited to one another; chemistry was great but values and interests didn't align. I've also been married (with kids) for more than a decade to my current partner.
The reason your relationship will or won't work is going to have more to do with your compatability and commitment to each other than any strategy you might have for dealing with physical separation. It sounds like you care about making it work, so do the things you would do in a regular relationship: work to be the best person you can be, listen, make time, and try to maintain mutual friends. This last one is huge; no one really seems to think about how your girl is much less likely to drop you if you're friends with her friends.
Just bear in mind that if this isn't a good match, there's probably nothing you can do to keep it going, and that's really OK. At this stage in your relationship part of the point is for each one of you to try to tell whether it's a good match, and that's not easy to be confident about until you've known someone for over a year. This isn't just true of girlfriends, it's true of coworkers, employees, neighbors, and just about anyone you might know. Enjoy it while it lasts, and good luck that the two of you are right for each other!
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Not sure how prone you would be to cheating but really avoiding even the first step that would lead to that process is key.
Specified date nights is big, but then occasional phone calls when you're free and walking somewhere. That can help alleviate her stress if she's an anxious texter and you aren't a big one.
Possible to play a game with her at the same time? Could be anything - animal crossing for instance
Playing a game is a great suggestion, it offers a pleasant distraction and a shared focus for something external to the relationship. Having nothing but updates on how each other's life is going can get a bit monotonous so building up some shared activities will help prevent falling into that.
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Her being more eager to text/call you are good signs, the opposite is not. As long as you do not appear needy, you should be fine for a while. I turn off girls routinely over the phone and on text because I overgame them or go to the opposite end. As long as you are able to not care too much about the worst-case scenario, you should be fine as caring too much always leads to you being needy.
I have never had a relationship. Those who I learnt from, yareally in particular mentioned that if you have friends with benefits who you meet once a week or more, then she will eventually fall in love with you, conversely if you are not around a girl physically, keeping attraction alive is hard. In your case, you already are doing fine. Refrain from texting her obsessively.
You can try having communication be centred around calling instead of texting since texts can eat up far more time, and convey way less and you can always just be a notification whereas calls let you be yourself far more.
Lastly, be ready to walk away, 4 years ago I was given the same advice here and I ignored it which led to my now infamous post about that one girl and learning pickup. You seem like a fairly upstanding guy so you should be fine but in case you think it is going sideways, be willing to walk away knowing you can always recreate special things.
Her investing more in you is the only visible sign. In every interaction, one person invests more than the other. I completely ignored this and thought that texting more meant more windows to make a girl like me, instead, I should have texted less, and not cared too much about her at all.
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Clear commitment to a shared future helps. Seven months apart is not that long in light of years of marriage. My husband and spend several months apart while engaged, and I know married couples who spend a few years working in different states (and even countries).
Does anything prevent the two of you from getting engaged?
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Set aside a regular daily time slot for video calls. Discuss in advance and in person how you plan to sext: just watching each other masturbate, doing it to the same video, connected sex toys or JOI.
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