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When I would go on day-long fasts, the only way I could get myself to complete it was to look forward to my large meal at the end of the day. And I had to look forward to the enjoyable part of the meal, not the vegetables but the buttery pasta or tasty chicken. If I didn’t have this enjoyment to look forward to, or even if I didn’t already plan exactly what I would be eating, I would invariably lose motivation and quit the fast early. When it did come time to eat, the eating was much more pleasurable and relaxing than usual (imagine being hungry and stoned at the same time).
Is this a larger phenomenon that can be generalized or just a bug in my brain’s code? Do humans work better when they have a determined, concrete enjoyment that they are 99% sure awaits them? The knowledge of “fasts are good for me”, “my hunger will go away”, “this is making me stronger” wasn’t nearly as motivating as simply knowing and anticipating a half-hour of enjoyable eating.
Do you drink coffee or anything besides water before the evening?
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I’ve completed two full-day fasts, one in the 00’s in my 20’s and one recently, I think in 2020, in my 40’s. Both lasted from my dinner the day before to breakfast the day after.
The first was at the urging of a friend, that we fast together and dedicate it to the Lord. At lunchtime, I went to a nearby park to read a book. Just before I was due back to the office, an ice cream truck came by the park, so I went up and bought a bar. As money and ice cream changed hands, I remembered I was fasting, and I laughed that I had forgotten. It went into the freezer at work, uneaten for the next day. After work, my friend asked where we were going to eat, and I looked at him agog. He revealed he wanted to fast because he was short on food and money. He ate; I remained fasting until the following morning because that was what I had prepared for. As I went to bed, I thanked God. Because it was half a lifetime ago, I don’t recall the urges.
The second, more recent, fast was because I was tired of feeling like I did nothing but eat all day. I dedicated this fast to God, toward whichever account He wanted to credit it. The first wave of raw ravenous need hit mid-morning, and I couldn’t believe how strong it was. The memory that I’d made it through before was got me through that first wave. The second wave was around lunchtime and I could barely think of anything but food. It seemed like it would never end. This time I prayed, bargaining with God, and that’s when I realized why saints have fasted: such raw need brings severe and immediate awareness of why I do the things I do and what Power I rely upon for endurance. The wave passed after twenty minutes or half an hour, and the relief was profound. The third wave hit in the late afternoon, as powerfully strong as the second, and this time it was memory of prior endurance and prayer (not for food, but for God to act in the world) which got me through. I was surprised that no more waves of overwhelming and lightheaded hunger hit me that day, and I went to bed contemplative, determined to remember the experience.
I now know how much hunger hurts, and that I face three terrible waves of need I cannot ignore, but I can endure. I do not know if my experience would have been different had I been anticipating a dinner at the end, before sleep, instead of breakfast the following day.
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Speaking as someone who finds it very hard to envision positive events in the future or be positive about the future at all, it isn't very fun, and though I do push myself through tasks it's unpleasant. So yeah, I think this is a behavior that can be generalised.
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I feel this 1000%. In fact, one of the things in life that ruins my day harder than almost anything else1, is when I have some specific libations planned out for my evening. Then my wife comes along, and fixes me different libations without asking me if I even wanted them, or me telling her to do so. They might be good, but they are not what I spent the last 16 or more hours looking forward to! What ensues is usually a fraught conversation about how I was planning on enjoying something different, and her moping that I'm not appreciating the effort she went to.
Luckily after 10+ years together, she's slowly learned that I want what I want, and trying to pro actively provide me with something "better" just ruins both our days.
1: Almost anything being limited to stuff that is likely to happen with any regularity. IE: Stubbing my toe, my alarm not going off, the kid getting into my stuff and scattering it to the 4 winds.
I feel this hard. Any sudden change to plans I've been dwelling on for hours fills me with a sudden, irrational rage. In the throes of adolescent emotional extremes, it would fuck me up for hours. As an adult, I've learned to just take 30 seconds to let my brain error and reboot.
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If she likes surprising you with her effort, has she tried asking, "when is a good day for me to surprise you?" or are you so much a creature of habit that the answer is usually "no day"
Although the surprise won't be "that much" if you're expecting it, you won't be disappointed from looking forward to your usual right?
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