site banner

Wellness Wednesday for December 18, 2024

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

1
Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

TLDR: Find hobbies where you can leverage money, insinuate yourself into spaces where you can meet women, lose the Asian fetish.

Hinge did you a favor. Swipe apps are built for college kids, focused on looks and maybe some basic one-sentence level of compatibility. Your best traits, filthy lucre and the skills that obtaining it represent, aren't actually that visible on a swipe app, at least not with any credibility.

Let's be realistic. Your income is more attractive than your body, and you evince a willingness to trade money for romantic or sexual opportunity. So how does one leverage the quid for the quo outside of actual sex workers?

It's time for you to buy yourself some hobbies. At a seven figure income, and hopefully decent savings if you've been making that money while being a single male living in Jersey, you have significant leverage to walk into something and be interesting to others right away. If you wanted to get into SCCA Spec Miata, for example, it would be easy for you to afford. You're not far from the ocean, buy a boat, because of the implications. If you wanted to get into a fitness hobby rock climbing, lifting, or boxing, or BJJ like so many tech execs you'd have the option of hiring private trainers rather than trying to make public classes, which will enhance your progress and your relationship to the staff at the gym. The world is full of jealous bitches who will resent your money and how you use it, but as long as you are competent it is just sour grapes.

Becoming a regular at good date spots is good. But the goal is to get to the level where you have a positive friendly relationship with the staff and other regulars there. The best thing that you can have is taking a woman somewhere and everyone says hey man how's it going good to see you. Be a capital-P Patron. You're in the NYC area, you can tip extravagantly well at dive bars and off-broadway theater spaces and start insinuating yourself into circles where your money will be valued.

Alternatively, seek out hobbies where you will meet eligible young women. I highly recommend auditing graduate classes at local schools, lord knows you have them around you, it'll make you interesting and insinuate you into those age ranges. Will people think you're weird/creepy/old? Yes. But you are rich, and people will value you paying for things more than they will resent you for those other things. Or at least one girl hopefully will fall for your bit.

Also, lose the Asian fetish, or at least make sure it isn't obvious. It's not cute or attractive to women, especially since you specified anglophone so you're only looking at ABCs I guess. Some Asian women have a giant stick up their ass about it from a woke perspective, but the bigger problem is that it makes you look weak. Guys with Asian fetishes value that they are feminine and submissive, this indicates to women that these men perceive themselves as insufficiently masculine, and target women who will be submissive even though these men are wimps. None of this may be true of you, but it's a rap that's hard to shake. Bang some white and hispanic chicks in between, for variety.

Guys with Asian fetishes value that they are feminine and submissive

That's like saying that people who like red heads value their fiery personalities, or people who like black women value their sassy attitudes - it's projecting lazy stereotypes into other people's minds and then labelling it as a fetish akin to their being fixated on feet or uniforms. Where Asian women do display submissiveness (I'd class it more as passiveness) it's their least attractive aspect. Cool, a woman who's too timid to exhibit an independent personality, feel the sparks fly! It probably sounds shallow and lizard-brained but I just think they're pretty and I prefer brunettes. What's wrong with being attracted to femininity?

When I think of wimpy men I think of them being saddled with domineering women who push them around, like that character in The Big Bang Theory with the gf who sounds like a fog horn.

I agree with not saying it out loud though. Not because it makes you look weak, but because it makes you look like you value someone primarily for aesthetic considerations that they had no choice or influence over. Which is partially true, and why you shouldn't say so, because the part (liking them because they're Asian and you think Asians are pretty, or whatever) is taken for the whole (liking them only because they're Asian or whatever and being completely indifferent to who they are as an individual, which probably does count as if not a weakness then a kind of failing of maturity).

That's like saying that people who like red heads value their fiery personalities, or people who like black women value their sassy attitudes - it's projecting lazy stereotypes into other people's minds

Guess what, princess? People are going to judge you based on stereotypes of those like you. If you say you went to Harvard, people are going to think you're an arrogant prick. While if you say you went to an Ivy League school, we'll know you're an arrogant prick and that you went to Cornell or Brown and have a chip on your shoulder over never getting off the Princeton waitlist. If you own a Dodge or a Nissan people will think you have a bad credit score. If you're fat people will think you're lazy.

And if you exclusively lust after East Asian girls, you're going to have trouble dodging the weeb allegations, the stereotype you're going to get tossed in with is the anime dorks.

It doesn't matter if it's unfair, it's how the world works.

Alternatively, seek out hobbies where you will meet eligible young women. I highly recommend auditing graduate classes at local schools, lord knows you have them around you, it'll make you interesting and insinuate you into those age ranges. Will people think you're weird/creepy/old? Yes. But you are rich, and people will value you paying for things more than they will resent you for those other things. Or at least one girl hopefully will fall for your bit.

Fantastic idea. I had the best dating success of my life while I was in graduate school in NYC

Grad school is the best moment. Combining the maturity of having some real accomplishments, with the mystery box potential to maybe do anything afterward. Libs can convince themselves that you'll do something Good with your degree, materialistic sluts can convince themselves you'll make tons of money, both can talk themselves into sleeping with you.

very good advice. I would amplify the the part about being a Patron.

In NYC, art and improv comedy are scenes that might be a good fit for OP - many opportunities to build a network of relationships, to improve social skills, to get to know a wide variety of people, and to strategically deploy cash in many ways that will be fun for the Patron and for everyone else involved.