This weekly roundup thread is intended for all culture war posts. 'Culture war' is vaguely defined, but it basically means controversial issues that fall along set tribal lines. Arguments over culture war issues generate a lot of heat and little light, and few deeply entrenched people ever change their minds. This thread is for voicing opinions and analyzing the state of the discussion while trying to optimize for light over heat.
Optimistically, we think that engaging with people you disagree with is worth your time, and so is being nice! Pessimistically, there are many dynamics that can lead discussions on Culture War topics to become unproductive. There's a human tendency to divide along tribal lines, praising your ingroup and vilifying your outgroup - and if you think you find it easy to criticize your ingroup, then it may be that your outgroup is not who you think it is. Extremists with opposing positions can feed off each other, highlighting each other's worst points to justify their own angry rhetoric, which becomes in turn a new example of bad behavior for the other side to highlight.
We would like to avoid these negative dynamics. Accordingly, we ask that you do not use this thread for waging the Culture War. Examples of waging the Culture War:
-
Shaming.
-
Attempting to 'build consensus' or enforce ideological conformity.
-
Making sweeping generalizations to vilify a group you dislike.
-
Recruiting for a cause.
-
Posting links that could be summarized as 'Boo outgroup!' Basically, if your content is 'Can you believe what Those People did this week?' then you should either refrain from posting, or do some very patient work to contextualize and/or steel-man the relevant viewpoint.
In general, you should argue to understand, not to win. This thread is not territory to be claimed by one group or another; indeed, the aim is to have many different viewpoints represented here. Thus, we also ask that you follow some guidelines:
-
Speak plainly. Avoid sarcasm and mockery. When disagreeing with someone, state your objections explicitly.
-
Be as precise and charitable as you can. Don't paraphrase unflatteringly.
-
Don't imply that someone said something they did not say, even if you think it follows from what they said.
-
Write like everyone is reading and you want them to be included in the discussion.
On an ad hoc basis, the mods will try to compile a list of the best posts/comments from the previous week, posted in Quality Contribution threads and archived at /r/TheThread. You may nominate a comment for this list by clicking on 'report' at the bottom of the post and typing 'Actually a quality contribution' as the report reason.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
I think that the problem with both of the examples you cited is the extreme nature of the response. Like no, going out and drinking behind your parents' back is not an appropriate teenage activity. It's perfectly reasonable to be upset that your kid did that and try to impose consequences to deter them (though I do think that it's not reasonable to have omnipresent tracking of your kids at that age). And on the other hand, it's fine to be upset that your kid is soaking in a media environment you think is bad for them, but it's not reasonable to flip your shit and impose harsh consequences. Just have a talk about how you don't want them to be watching those things and why, before you escalate things.
But... Reddit is full of crazy people who have no maturity whatsoever and just do extreme knee jerk reactions to every situation presented. There's a reason that people joke about stuff like the relationship advice subreddit and how their "advice" is always to break up with the person. So I guess it probably shouldn't be a surprise that parenting advice is similarly retarded.
It seems to me that the line where you should get very involved and upset is permanent consequences. Things like STDs, pregnancy, bodily injury, criminal records etc. It's fine for kids to make mistakes and take consequences in a controlled environment, but some things aren't up to you as the parent. They are dictated by things above your head and you probably are going to have to use a firm hand to keep your kids from going down that road.
More options
Context Copy link