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PaperclipPerfector  2mo ago (text post)   1884 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for September 18, 2024

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

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Just based on your posts today, I might avoid the trap of thinking any sort of sexual interaction seals the deal in terms of affection--it doesn't. In fact it isn't a measure of much at all, in and of itself. The everything that comes before and after are much more relevant.

This is something I fear, I finally liked a girl for real after a while and there is a very high chance that she will not like me back or it wont work out. I really want it to. It seems cheesy and something out of the movies to rush to meet some girl I have not even slept with hoping that she will like me. She finds me sexually attractive but I think that I am extremely unattractive so I do have some issues there as well.

I've read you using PUA terms and having a very casual terminology regarding women ("oneitis" etc.) and this gives me considerable pause. Women/a woman is not the answer to all of your problems, nor is doing a bunch of drugs. This may already be clear to you, of course.

Oneitis is a fairly benign term. You are correct in pointing out how women are not the answer to all my problems. I fear that I look at them as a crutch so that I can avoid solving actual active problems that are harder to tackle. I have a constant ever-present fear that I am not smart/hardworking enough to ever amount to anything at all. The only ways around this would be actually doing things well (startup stuff in my case), working on my past trauma through some modality and learning to manage my issues more actively.

This may already be clear to you, of course.

In ways but constructive feedback helps me a lot.

Are you seeking constructive feedback to get laid or to be attractive to other people? Your entire focus of your opening post was about how drugs liberated you into being this new person you never knew you could be, and you are upset that you didn't get to fuck a girl. The fact that you frame this in terms of sexual satiation rather than self actualization indicates a massive disparity in your intended presentation versus your explicated priorities.

Be honest first with yourself about what you want. The utility of asking contextless externals is an independent recommendation based on stated preferred outcomes against current practices. If your presentation doesn't pass the sniff test to the externals, then literally nothing constructive can be said because subjective interpretations of the presented events are what the externals are working off of.

As it stands, I must highlight the likely disparity between your interpretation and reality. PUA language is remarkably good at leading practitioners to infer intent where none exists and to externalize blame for unrealized (and usually unrealizable) outcomes. Mistaking being friendly with being down to fuck is a remarkably consistent behavioral maladaptation with members of the (sigh) seduction community because genial friendly interactions map cleanly into the first stages of the pickup macro.

Requesting sanity checks from this forum is one thing, but perhaps an after action report from (literally) sober observers would be more helpful. Knowing whether one had a real connection or if one was divining meaning out of errata is a key part of knowing ones capabilities.

I got hurt before and have acted like a wuss. The Pua stuff helped me avoid those tendencies.

I had to mention the fact that I couldn't sleep with her because for the first time in a while, I felt something for a girl without having even been physical. Rather, first time I felt anything and that too despite not having done anything physical.

I do agree with a lot of what you wrote. I am just lost and I don't know how to move forward. Pickup helped me a lot but I can't see my own internal contradictions which is why I post.

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