The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
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I've been married ~10 years, am in my mid 30s, and have a bunch of kids. I'd say our marriage is very happy, to the point where I think we've only met 1-2 couples that seems to get a long as well as we do (though you never know, could be more or less). This is what I think has made it work so far:
Don't stay mad, and don't let your husband/wife stay mad. Hash out whatever the issue is at the earliest possible time you two can get undivided alone time
Be attractive, don't be unattractive. I stay in good shape and dress well, and I give her all the opportunities she needs to do the same. You don't want your favorite person in the world to be married to someone who looks like they don't respect themselves?
Don't forget to be wife's boyfriend/husband's girlfriend sometimes, ideally at least once a week or so (this is doubly important if you have kids!). Otherwise you risk slipping into full-time buddy/parental unit mode.
Have sex (shinzo.png) often. It bonds you together and makes you kinder and more forgiving with each other.
Laugh at yourself and each other once a day. Adult life is grueling, but it doesn't have to be all serious all the time. Tickle him. Smack her on the butt. Make a dirty joke about last night over morning coffee.
Be generous with each other. Say sorry while she's still mad. Don't raise your voice when you remind him that he didn't do that thing he said he was going to do, yet again. Do a chore she hates. Go join him in one of his boring hobbies with an open mind. Ask her what's she's reading and listen with as much interest as you can muster to the plot of the literary fiction novel she's reading.
Say thank you to each other ALL THE TIME. My wife actually taught me this one. She would thank for doing tiny things through the day ("Thanks for getting me water." "Thanks for helping me carry that." "Thanks for taking my plate to the counter.") Initially I thought this was weird. My friends and family don't do that, we might say it for big stuff, "thanks for cooking dinner today," or "thanks for helping me move out of my apartment." But saying thanks for little things helps us avoid taking each other for granted. It feels weird at first, but it works!
Be traditionally masculine/feminine. We've gone from "suit-wearing career woman" and "skinny babyfaced hipster boy" to "handcrafting, home cooking trad mom" and "physically fit career dad." Hate to say it, but It Just Works™. My wife is better at running the household than me (a complex task with four small children of different ages) and taking care of the littlest ones, and I'm better at balancing work/life stress, chasing income potential, and dealing with the outside world.
I can probably do more if anyone cares and has specific questions.
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