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Notes -
I think Poly is hypothetically possible to do in a healthy manner but requires a lot of coordination, patience and understanding between a bunch of quasi-romantically entangled people and has such a tightrope effect that it's probably not worth exploring just to occasionally hump a different partner.
It also requires that you know yourself. Which requires being capable of knowing yourself.
Which is why "poly as identity" really rubs me the wrong way- because if you're not skeptical every time "it's just the way I am, and all of my relations need to just deal with it" as a go-to/the only rationalization for what you're doing, odds are you probably don't understand how love works and are thus doing it wrong.
And at that point, even if you're among the very privileged few that can actually do this successfully, are you going to be Proud of it (and thus cause other people who actually can't do it to get themselves into trouble), or are you going to shut the fuck up about it for the sake of everyone else and maybe not even devote that much time to pursuing it specifically because it's not practical (read: "being oppressed by reality")?
If you're not capable of asking yourself that question, or you're capable of asking that question but can't answer it honestly, indulging $sexual_deviance is probably not right for you. And saying that out loud to people doesn't help as a consequence, so it's not fixable.
And even if you're a very good tightrope walker a bad day or two on the tightrope and you've got to spend a lot of time rehabilitating an exponentially complicated web of relationships. In which the benefit is potentially maybe being able to occasionally indulge in a new sexual partner (and if you're longterm stable Poly you're probably not even doing that any more).
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