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This does not comport with progressives I know. Black women are higher on the progressive stack than black men because black men are still men, you are much more likely to hear about how black men oppress black women, than progressives saying they think black men are subservient to black women. Though likely it would take a black woman to start that conversation because white progressives would see themselves as punching down if they were to critique black men generally.
You are 100% right that black men and women are in tension with each other, which is an interesting topic onto itself, but your point about requiring a black woman to start that conversation first is the key factor to note. White progressives do not care or consider that blacks are not a unified voice, and suborn black male interests to black female ones. The only vector I have seen progs be critical of black men is in the context of Trump, where increasing black male support for trump is viewed as black support of white supremacy.
Some black women and black men are in tension but its highly variable. My wife's friends range from those who refuse to date out, to a very small minority who are Black women divest aligned. But that is still very much the minority.
Indeed one of the main arguments of BWD is that most black women are too lenient on and too supportive of black men.
White progressives are in my experience aware of tensions (given feminism they pretty much have to be) between black women and men, they just feel it is not their place to talk about it. That's different than not knowing or caring.
I don't really have much insight from the black womens perspective, my only real insight is how black men seem to really hold black women in contempt and at no level feel inclined to act in solidarity with black women focused interests. This is getting into too much speculative territory and personal anecdata, so I am not willing to posit too much. Happy to defer to established wisdom that black issues are a variable intersectionalists are aware of but prefer to keep silent on.
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