ser
14d ago
The war may have brought in fresh blood into this 'trade' but this is not a new method by any means. While I'm sure there's variations of how it works, the arrangement I'm familiar with is this: the girl is already doing some kind of explicit content but it's small scale and restricted to her native language audience. She gets approached (usually by another woman that also does this type of content) with an offer to market her through private channels to an english speaking audience for a fee (I don't know exact %). If she agrees, they create a separate account for her with a different alias (that way the managing company doesn't get thrown to the side by the girl once the account gets established) and all the girl has to do is wait and provide content management requests
ser
30d ago
I get a big improvement in mental state after lifting, but it's after work 3 times a week. I used to improve my mental state by running, but my legs can't handle that and squats at the same time. What could I do on off days/daily?
No need to run. A walk at active pace for an hour or two is more than enough
Also, I don't recommend treating dating like a job interview, which you seem to be doing by having an extensive lists of prerequisites you're forcing yourself to get done before even trying. You're definitely on the right path in improving yourself, you definitely should keep going, not for the sake of dating but for yourself. Change the mindset from "I'm lifting because I want a girlfriend" to "I'm lifting because I want to be healthy" or because "lift heavy rock make bad thought in my ape head go away". Reason why I say all this is because with online dating, you're bound to fail many times. You'll be meeting complete strangers, failure rate is high. It will discourage you from improving yourself because your framing will be that you did all this work yet you still haven't achieved your goal. People with bad eyesight and poor sleep still date, don't wait on fixing this.
Spending WAAAY too much time on the internet doomscrolling
don't beat yourself up about this too much. Can actually turn this into a positive for yourself. Everyone under 30 is doomscrolling for hours too, girls you will meet will be brainrotted to the core just as much as you (unless you're doomscrolling autistic sites which is highly likely since we're on the motte, you should hide that stuff on first few dates lol).
Lastly, once you actually start going on dates here's my final advice. Like I said earlier, failure rate is very high and you should expect most dates to not work out, but still make the best of them. And you do that by going in with minimal expectations. My favorite thing to do is doing some kind of activity that I was going to do anyway. New exhibition at the museum? Get a quick bite then go see the exhibition. That way I kill two birds with one stone, have a date and visit the museum. Even if the date goes bad, at least I visited the exhibition I wanted to see anyway. Any other mindset would have me stressing because 'OMG I'm about to go out with potentially my future wife I gotta put my best foot down and be on my best behavior', but that just puts way too much unnecessary pressure, so I just treat it like a hangout with a friend. Don't take this advice too far, you still gotta flirt and show interest, otherwise the girl will not get the spark or feel like you're not into her but don't worry about this too much because dealing with that will come with experience
ser
4mo ago
It looks like your dryness and hesitance is what turned her off from you. She was trying to push boundaries and get more personal with you and you didn't match her energy, so she either assumed you're not interested in her or she did too much and got embarrassed. She found you, reached out and made the conversation more intimate and what she got in return is some tiptoeing and dry responses.
Since I know it's a bad idea to build up a date this much and set sexual implications
It's bad when your first message to a woman is "omg you're so hot I can't wait to fuck you". Yeah don't do that. It's not bad when she's the one initiating it, it's essentially a green light for you to take it there.
Fucking everything I do is tiptoeing around not triggering anyone's anxiety so as not to be treated as a threat
Stop doing this. You're so worried to not come off as a creep, it probably makes you even more of a creep. I'm not saying you should be DMing women "I need a footjob" 10 messages in, but it's ok to show interest and be flirty. If you're dry, all it tells them is that you're not interested at best or a boring loser at worst. If it's on the apps, they've got 10 other men they can talk to right at this moment, they won't waste time to discover the real you.
If you're actually into these women and want to meet them, stop being dry and show some interest ffs
ser
9mo ago
IMO most immigrants I know (all of them are in software development, so very narrow selection) are doing much better than majority of their home bred peers. Yeah, you lose a couple years in grad school, but you're also jumping straight into a high paying job that puts you into the 80th percentile for income. Even in your example, the aspirational immigrant is entering their 30s with a '$300k buffer', that puts you ahead majority of Americans. The only aspect that immigrants lack at is social - most don't have great social groups or romantic relationships, but I don't think that can be excused to the immigrant hardships to the full extent. Plenty of my American friends in their mid 20s have few friends and maybe 1-2 (if any) relationships under their belt, so I think that's just how current generation is.
Got a chance to try propranolol for my social anxiety. Wow, what a fucking miracle. My social anxiety usually manifests itself through physical symptoms - increased heartbeat, shaking, heat flashes, stuttering, running out of breath, etc. 20mg got rid of all of that. Usually I get locked into the anxiety cycle where my symptoms cause me to start getting worried that people will notice my abnormal behavior, thus causing more physical symptoms. Now that I didn't have any physical symptoms, the anxious thoughts were there but didn't have much effect on me. Essentially, in worst scenarios, social anxiety would cause me to go into overdrive physically but now it just makes me a slightly less talkative than usual normal human. Really curious if exposure therapy while on propranolol would have any long term positive effects.
ser
1yr ago
Ground beef with spices/sauces. Throw ground beef in the pan, add any spices/sauces you want. Eat with rice/pasta or put it in a tortilla.
Greek yogurt + honey + banana/any other fruit.
ser
1yr ago
Depends on what you consider being 'famous'. Are we talking about Brad Pitt/Kanye West levels of fame? Or is it 300k followers on instagram-type of fame? Former seems to be way too stressful. Latter wouldn't need many lifestyle adjustments, while still bringing in plenty of fame benefits.
ser
1yr ago
A medium coke at McDonald's is around 200 calories. Google tells me running 1 mile burns around 100 calories. So, if we focus purely on calories, to cancel out 1 coke requires running 2 miles. For an average out of shape adult, I'd assume that would take 25-30 mins. Skipping out on a soda is a whole lot easier than running extra 2 miles to burn it off.
I eat potato chips, I grill a lot of burgers, beef and onion fried rice is a huge go to, slow-cooker pork shoulder is great, cheese is definitely a go, fries or tater tots from the freezer are great, I'm happy to have pizza, and so on. It's not comically bad or anything, and I don't have a sweet tooth, but I just eat a lot of basically whatever I want.
I'm a lot like you. I also eat pretty much whatever I want. My only restriction is not eating carbs/sweets right before bed because that fucks up my sleep, but other than that I never restrict myself in anything. However, I never drink soda or eat fast food. It's just something that I rarely consider for my meals, probably because my family put big emphasis on home cooked meals when I was a child. But I'm most definitely an outlier. Many of my peers live off take out, fast food, frozen meals, quick grubs at Starbucks for lunch. They also don't exercise consistently. For people like that, if they ever decide to lose some fat, cutting out a couple things from each meal would put them at maintenance calories or slight caloric deficit. Or they would have to add an hour or two of physical activity per day. We both know which one would be easier for them.
ser
1yr ago
Fair enough. To me, it just sounds like something an edgy teen/twenty-something guy that watches too many tiktoks/ig reels would say to own brother/friend to sound cool. I'm myself in that age range and have been around people with similar attitudes. But regardless, if that's truly what motivates him, more power to him.
ser
1yr ago
I really doubt that it's his real reason why he's hitting the gym so hard. For me, after around 3 months of hitting the gym consistently without skipping, it actually became really enjoyable and now I'm looking forward to every workout. I feel on top of the world after every workout, the mental clarity and physical pump is incredible. I thin your brother is addicted to that.
ser
1yr ago
I get sleepy midday even if I get full 8+ hours of sleep unless I'm physically active the whole day. I usually just take 20-30 min nap and that fixes it. I'm in my mid 20s.
What product/service has had significant impact on your quality of life? For me, it was a nice standing desk and a nice office chair (Herman Miller Embody). I don't even stand much at my desk, but being able to make minor adjustments to its height has been very useful since most desks are too short for me.
ser
1yr ago
What product/service has had significant impact on your quality of life? For me, it's was a nice standing desk and a nice office chair (Herman Miller Embody). I don't even stand much at my desk, but being able to make minor adjustments to its height has been very useful since most desks are too short for me.
ser
1yr ago
Three things to achieve the goals you've listed: Exercise, sleep, diet. For a beginner like you, consistency is the most important thing when it comes to working out. For example, tell yourself you will hit the gym 3 times a week and stick to it no matter what. Even if you half ass at the gym (but hopefully you won't), you will still see progress simply from staying consistent (especially with those beginner gains). After around 1 month, it will be second nature for you to hit the gym so it won't be as difficult. In terms of sleep, just make sure you get 7+ hrs every day and you will be golden. I've had lots of issues with this, I'd go to sleep late then sleep through my alarms, wake up at random times, etc. Only way I could fix this was make it so I wanna take a shit in the morning. Now I'm awake at 8-10am without any alarms no matter what because my body gotta do its thing. Maybe you won't have that issue since you got a job that probably makes you wake up at the same time every day. For diet, this is my weakest part. I don't have the willpower to track what I eat nor actually eat as much I need, so it's hurting my progress a lot. At my age/weight/height, I have to eat 2.7k calories a day minimum, but I'm probably eating around 2.2k at most and it already feels like I'm stuffing my face. If you think you're like me and foresee having same issues with diet, I suggest taking it slow and just focusing on your protein intake only.
Oh, and last suggestion, take well lit body pics for reference, you will want to see how much you've progressed in the future.
I can recommend you an interesting pub. It's cowboy themed, ran by an old Japanese gentleman that's obsessed with country music. It's tiny, seats like 5 people at once, so it's likely it will be just the 2 of you + the owner there, but it's worth it if you wanna sing some country songs and hear about owner's country music lore (went to America, was in a band, etc.). Name is 'PINE FIELD', address: 3-2, yotsua, shinjuku-ku, Tokyo. Owner's name is SunShine Matsuno.
ser
1yr ago
Have you tried reframing your conversations about this topic? Instead of saying focusing on her weight gain, how about taking a health angle? If your wife (and maybe you too) have unhealthy eating habits like eating too much processed foods/takeout, you could say that you're worried for your (collective) health and want to eat healthier. That way you'd be both addressing the problem of her gaining weight, but also involve yourself so that she doesn't feel she's getting attacked by you.
ser
1yr ago
You're not wrong. But the goal of this technique is to make myself feel better in the moment. I'm much better at managing bad mindset on a good day.
I'm in my mid twenties, and I've recently realized that all the friends I've made after getting out of high school have been of superficial/situational type. I've had gym friends, with whom I'd hit the gym with. I've had party friends, with whom I'd hit the bars and clubs with. Then I've had hobby X/Y/Z friends, with whom I'd do those hobbies with. Those relationships never went beyond those common interests, and once either I or them stopped participating in our common interest, our relationship would fizzle out. I have the opposite experience with my childhood friend group. We barely have anything in common nowadays, but I know I can call any of them up and ask for help or talk about something absolutely random. I've never achieved that level of trust/closeness with friends I've made as I've gotten older. Is it what adult friendships are like or is it just me not being able to navigate social games? On one hand, I've been thinking it's on me - I've realized that all these new friendships require effort to maintain and progress. If I don't invite my gym bro friends to do other things with me, then our friendship will stay at the gym bro level forever. On the other hand, it seems a lot of people take that passive position, so always having to be the one that organizes things feels forced and doesn't grant much confidence in that relationship.
ser
1yr ago
The biggest thing that helped me cope with bad days is realizing that there will be good days in the future. I just think of the good times I've had recently and tell myself I'll experience those feelings again in the near future. It doesn't even have to be complex experiences, even just thinking about a song I really enjoyed recently usually helps. It doesn't cure depression/sadness but at the very least it prevents me from getting sucked into the doomer spiral. That way my shitty days don't turn into shitty weeks.
As for other things, I can relate to some of them. I'm not sure how to get out of that mindset though, so can't really help, sorry.
ser
1yr ago
Have you tried intentionally progressing your exposure therapy methods?
See, making it intentional would add an extra source of anxiety for me. While I've probably done ~80% of the things you've listed, I've never intentionally went out to perform these tasks. In general, I just try to catch my anxious thoughts and reflect on how they affect my decision making in the moment. E.g. If I don't know how to get to X place, my brain instantly starts looking for solutions that avoids social contact, I catch that thought and instantly force myself to do the opposite and ask a random person for directions. That way my brain doesn't have time to react and get anxious. With things like public speaking, I've noticed that I'm most anxious right before the event rather during it. It's kind of ironic, I think someone spontaneously putting me on the spot to make a speech would be less triggering than being told 3 days in advance to prepare a speech.
ser
1yr ago
Hey, just want to say big thank you for mentioning Ideal Parent Figure. As I was researching it, I stumbled upon EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy) and tried a virtual session last night. It's most likely a placebo effect, but I've had 0 social anxiety symptoms today. It was probably my first time feeling like this in my whole adult life. Will continue with it and see how it goes.
Exposure therapy, lots of it. Public speaking in my case.
Yeah I do plenty of that in my daily life, but I think I need to do something more out of the ordinary, maybe take an improv class.
And lots of meditation. Including a guided style of meditation called Ideal Parent Figure. It can help you emotionally reconsolidate the difficult memories of episodes/life situations that contributed to your developing the anxiety.
That sounds interesting, thanks. Especially considering I attribute my social anxiety issues to one of the parents being extremely neurotic in my youth...
ser
1yr ago
The first was realizing that I was approaching the world with the mindset that everybody hated me and thought I was a loser. I decided to pretend instead that everybody was my friend, and surprise surprise, people respond to that and I started to believe it myself.
Oh trust me, I've had similar realization long time ago too. I think it did help me a bit, but my current problems come from physical social anxiety symptoms. I can come into a social situation with confident mental, but my physical symptoms still present themselves and it turns into a positive feedback loop. Increased heartbeat --> sweating & shaking --> 'oh my god, i hope they don't notice i'm a fucking wreck' --> more sweating & shaking. That's why I think sleep and exercise has made such a big difference for me, my physical symptoms have reduced significantly.
The second is less inspiring - an SSRI.
Meds will be my last resort. Really don't want to be hooked on something for the rest of my life
Eh, if your assessment is correct, I'd say it's probably a mix of everything. There's levels in between from being raised in a conservative mormon family to shooting a right wing political influencer because he's good at ragebait. Grows up conservative, finally moves out from family home, attends university and gets exposed to liberal ideas, perhaps gets some liberal leaning friends/roommates, has tiktok algorithm change to political slop, successfully gets ragebaited by the slop clips --> "omg charlie kirk is licherally killing my innocent trans boyfriend-roommate-friend with his words" --> takes matters into his own hands.
So university may have been a stepping stone, the algo did most of the heavy lifting and some mental deviations made him unable to handle the slop.
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