Got a chance to try propranolol for my social anxiety. Wow, what a fucking miracle. My social anxiety usually manifests itself through physical symptoms - increased heartbeat, shaking, heat flashes, stuttering, running out of breath, etc. 20mg got rid of all of that. Usually I get locked into the anxiety cycle where my symptoms cause me to start getting worried that people will notice my abnormal behavior, thus causing more physical symptoms. Now that I didn't have any physical symptoms, the anxious thoughts were there but didn't have much effect on me. Essentially, in worst scenarios, social anxiety would cause me to go into overdrive physically but now it just makes me a slightly less talkative than usual normal human. Really curious if exposure therapy while on propranolol would have any long term positive effects.
ser
3mo ago
Ground beef with spices/sauces. Throw ground beef in the pan, add any spices/sauces you want. Eat with rice/pasta or put it in a tortilla.
Greek yogurt + honey + banana/any other fruit.
Anyone got advice on how to cope with being cheated on/breakup? Long story short, was in a long distance relationship for 5 months. One in a million type of situation, was in her city on vacation, on last day was browsing geo tagged photos on IG and saw her, slid in her DMs. Surprisingly, she responded by the time I was already home. Got attached to each other right away, 10 hour calls, calling/texting each other as soon as we wake up, working/eating/sleeping 'together', went on a few trips together. 2 months ago she said she was going on vacation with family. Came across pictures from the person she was cheating with from the same location, guess he didn't get the memo. Thought I would just get over it with time, but I'm approaching 3 months mark since it all happened and still feeling the same way as on day 1. Been killing myself at the gym, doesn't seem to help. Tried my best to remove any reminders of her from my life but at this point it's muscle memory to check her socials as soon as I'm on my phone. Tried getting on dating apps, but keep catching myself looking for same features or style in other women. I'm running out of ideas of what to do, my last similar situation was in college and back then this difficult post breakup period happened at the same time as exams, so I just got myself together and focused on studying and by the time it all ended I was over it.
ser
5mo ago
Depends on what you consider being 'famous'. Are we talking about Brad Pitt/Kanye West levels of fame? Or is it 300k followers on instagram-type of fame? Former seems to be way too stressful. Latter wouldn't need many lifestyle adjustments, while still bringing in plenty of fame benefits.
ser
5mo ago
A medium coke at McDonald's is around 200 calories. Google tells me running 1 mile burns around 100 calories. So, if we focus purely on calories, to cancel out 1 coke requires running 2 miles. For an average out of shape adult, I'd assume that would take 25-30 mins. Skipping out on a soda is a whole lot easier than running extra 2 miles to burn it off.
I eat potato chips, I grill a lot of burgers, beef and onion fried rice is a huge go to, slow-cooker pork shoulder is great, cheese is definitely a go, fries or tater tots from the freezer are great, I'm happy to have pizza, and so on. It's not comically bad or anything, and I don't have a sweet tooth, but I just eat a lot of basically whatever I want.
I'm a lot like you. I also eat pretty much whatever I want. My only restriction is not eating carbs/sweets right before bed because that fucks up my sleep, but other than that I never restrict myself in anything. However, I never drink soda or eat fast food. It's just something that I rarely consider for my meals, probably because my family put big emphasis on home cooked meals when I was a child. But I'm most definitely an outlier. Many of my peers live off take out, fast food, frozen meals, quick grubs at Starbucks for lunch. They also don't exercise consistently. For people like that, if they ever decide to lose some fat, cutting out a couple things from each meal would put them at maintenance calories or slight caloric deficit. Or they would have to add an hour or two of physical activity per day. We both know which one would be easier for them.
ser
6mo ago
Fair enough. To me, it just sounds like something an edgy teen/twenty-something guy that watches too many tiktoks/ig reels would say to own brother/friend to sound cool. I'm myself in that age range and have been around people with similar attitudes. But regardless, if that's truly what motivates him, more power to him.
ser
6mo ago
I really doubt that it's his real reason why he's hitting the gym so hard. For me, after around 3 months of hitting the gym consistently without skipping, it actually became really enjoyable and now I'm looking forward to every workout. I feel on top of the world after every workout, the mental clarity and physical pump is incredible. I thin your brother is addicted to that.
ser
6mo ago
I get sleepy midday even if I get full 8+ hours of sleep unless I'm physically active the whole day. I usually just take 20-30 min nap and that fixes it. I'm in my mid 20s.
What product/service has had significant impact on your quality of life? For me, it was a nice standing desk and a nice office chair (Herman Miller Embody). I don't even stand much at my desk, but being able to make minor adjustments to its height has been very useful since most desks are too short for me.
ser
7mo ago
What product/service has had significant impact on your quality of life? For me, it's was a nice standing desk and a nice office chair (Herman Miller Embody). I don't even stand much at my desk, but being able to make minor adjustments to its height has been very useful since most desks are too short for me.
ser
7mo ago
Three things to achieve the goals you've listed: Exercise, sleep, diet. For a beginner like you, consistency is the most important thing when it comes to working out. For example, tell yourself you will hit the gym 3 times a week and stick to it no matter what. Even if you half ass at the gym (but hopefully you won't), you will still see progress simply from staying consistent (especially with those beginner gains). After around 1 month, it will be second nature for you to hit the gym so it won't be as difficult. In terms of sleep, just make sure you get 7+ hrs every day and you will be golden. I've had lots of issues with this, I'd go to sleep late then sleep through my alarms, wake up at random times, etc. Only way I could fix this was make it so I wanna take a shit in the morning. Now I'm awake at 8-10am without any alarms no matter what because my body gotta do its thing. Maybe you won't have that issue since you got a job that probably makes you wake up at the same time every day. For diet, this is my weakest part. I don't have the willpower to track what I eat nor actually eat as much I need, so it's hurting my progress a lot. At my age/weight/height, I have to eat 2.7k calories a day minimum, but I'm probably eating around 2.2k at most and it already feels like I'm stuffing my face. If you think you're like me and foresee having same issues with diet, I suggest taking it slow and just focusing on your protein intake only.
Oh, and last suggestion, take well lit body pics for reference, you will want to see how much you've progressed in the future.
I can recommend you an interesting pub. It's cowboy themed, ran by an old Japanese gentleman that's obsessed with country music. It's tiny, seats like 5 people at once, so it's likely it will be just the 2 of you + the owner there, but it's worth it if you wanna sing some country songs and hear about owner's country music lore (went to America, was in a band, etc.). Name is 'PINE FIELD', address: 3-2, yotsua, shinjuku-ku, Tokyo. Owner's name is SunShine Matsuno.
ser
7mo ago
Have you tried reframing your conversations about this topic? Instead of saying focusing on her weight gain, how about taking a health angle? If your wife (and maybe you too) have unhealthy eating habits like eating too much processed foods/takeout, you could say that you're worried for your (collective) health and want to eat healthier. That way you'd be both addressing the problem of her gaining weight, but also involve yourself so that she doesn't feel she's getting attacked by you.
ser
9mo ago
You're not wrong. But the goal of this technique is to make myself feel better in the moment. I'm much better at managing bad mindset on a good day.
I'm in my mid twenties, and I've recently realized that all the friends I've made after getting out of high school have been of superficial/situational type. I've had gym friends, with whom I'd hit the gym with. I've had party friends, with whom I'd hit the bars and clubs with. Then I've had hobby X/Y/Z friends, with whom I'd do those hobbies with. Those relationships never went beyond those common interests, and once either I or them stopped participating in our common interest, our relationship would fizzle out. I have the opposite experience with my childhood friend group. We barely have anything in common nowadays, but I know I can call any of them up and ask for help or talk about something absolutely random. I've never achieved that level of trust/closeness with friends I've made as I've gotten older. Is it what adult friendships are like or is it just me not being able to navigate social games? On one hand, I've been thinking it's on me - I've realized that all these new friendships require effort to maintain and progress. If I don't invite my gym bro friends to do other things with me, then our friendship will stay at the gym bro level forever. On the other hand, it seems a lot of people take that passive position, so always having to be the one that organizes things feels forced and doesn't grant much confidence in that relationship.
ser
9mo ago
The biggest thing that helped me cope with bad days is realizing that there will be good days in the future. I just think of the good times I've had recently and tell myself I'll experience those feelings again in the near future. It doesn't even have to be complex experiences, even just thinking about a song I really enjoyed recently usually helps. It doesn't cure depression/sadness but at the very least it prevents me from getting sucked into the doomer spiral. That way my shitty days don't turn into shitty weeks.
As for other things, I can relate to some of them. I'm not sure how to get out of that mindset though, so can't really help, sorry.
ser
10mo ago
Have you tried intentionally progressing your exposure therapy methods?
See, making it intentional would add an extra source of anxiety for me. While I've probably done ~80% of the things you've listed, I've never intentionally went out to perform these tasks. In general, I just try to catch my anxious thoughts and reflect on how they affect my decision making in the moment. E.g. If I don't know how to get to X place, my brain instantly starts looking for solutions that avoids social contact, I catch that thought and instantly force myself to do the opposite and ask a random person for directions. That way my brain doesn't have time to react and get anxious. With things like public speaking, I've noticed that I'm most anxious right before the event rather during it. It's kind of ironic, I think someone spontaneously putting me on the spot to make a speech would be less triggering than being told 3 days in advance to prepare a speech.
ser
10mo ago
Hey, just want to say big thank you for mentioning Ideal Parent Figure. As I was researching it, I stumbled upon EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy) and tried a virtual session last night. It's most likely a placebo effect, but I've had 0 social anxiety symptoms today. It was probably my first time feeling like this in my whole adult life. Will continue with it and see how it goes.
Exposure therapy, lots of it. Public speaking in my case.
Yeah I do plenty of that in my daily life, but I think I need to do something more out of the ordinary, maybe take an improv class.
And lots of meditation. Including a guided style of meditation called Ideal Parent Figure. It can help you emotionally reconsolidate the difficult memories of episodes/life situations that contributed to your developing the anxiety.
That sounds interesting, thanks. Especially considering I attribute my social anxiety issues to one of the parents being extremely neurotic in my youth...
ser
10mo ago
The first was realizing that I was approaching the world with the mindset that everybody hated me and thought I was a loser. I decided to pretend instead that everybody was my friend, and surprise surprise, people respond to that and I started to believe it myself.
Oh trust me, I've had similar realization long time ago too. I think it did help me a bit, but my current problems come from physical social anxiety symptoms. I can come into a social situation with confident mental, but my physical symptoms still present themselves and it turns into a positive feedback loop. Increased heartbeat --> sweating & shaking --> 'oh my god, i hope they don't notice i'm a fucking wreck' --> more sweating & shaking. That's why I think sleep and exercise has made such a big difference for me, my physical symptoms have reduced significantly.
The second is less inspiring - an SSRI.
Meds will be my last resort. Really don't want to be hooked on something for the rest of my life
ser
10mo ago
People with social anxiety, how have you managed to cope or manage it? I've had it since 12 years old, I'm 25 now. The biggest impact for me has come from consistent sleep and exercise. Went from having hard time calling customer support and going to public places with a lot of people to having a slightly increased heartbeat when talking to people I'm not familiar with. I've also tried meditation, but couldn't stay consistent with it. I know some people swear by CBT, thinking of trying it out next.
Ukranians are adults who can make their own decisions too.
Earlier today Maryana Bezuglaya, a deputy of Ukrainian parliament, ran some polls on her facebook.
"Only for men now. In order not to be mobilized, am I ready to renounce Ukrainian citizenship?"
Results (in progress): 74% yes / 26% no
"The survey is only for women. Would I be ready to become a military account with the possibility of mobilization to rear and defense enterprises (combat positions optional) if it leads to demobilization of those who serve 24 months?"
Results (in progress): 21% yes / 79% no
"Only for women. Am I ready to become a military account with the possibility of mobilization to rear positions and defense enterprises (combat positions only optional anyway) if it opens borders to men?"
Results (in progress): 15% yes / 85% no
"Only for women. In order not to be mobilized to rear positions and to defense enterprises (combatant positions only optional) am I ready to renounce citizenship?"
Results (in progress): 65% yes / 35% no
Yes, facebook polls is not the best source of polling due to possibility of brigading (which definitely happened - poll was posted in anti-conscription telegram group, where I found it). But the fact that a deputy is having this discourse, which is something I wouldn't imagine a year ago, on her public page is indicative enough of the public's concerns and grievances.
And the 'Ukrainian adults' you're speaking of don't have many options to 'make their own decisions'. If one doesn't want to get conscripted, here are his options: illegally crossing the border, while running the risk of getting spotted by a border patrol drone (oh by the way, they are planning to make a 5km no go zone near the border, I wonder why), paying a bribe to a medical professional/conscription officer/border guard (at the start of the war could get away with $2k for a volunteer pass that would allow you to leave the country easily, but now that amount could maybe get you a delay from conscription aka 'the conscription officer will close his eyes while you leave the building'-style, rates for better options now start at $5k), or have his wife/mother/sister do chores for him while he doesn't leave his living space, although that may soon not be an option since a few regions in Ukraine have announced plans for allowing conscription officers to go door to door to looks for refuseniks.
One of the things about the war I've been thinking about lately is how hard it has been to predict what's going to happen next
Only reason for this is how hard it's been to gather real data from the piles of propaganda that's coming from each side, although Ukrainian side has been more perverse with this. Even well respected sources that should be highly analytical seemed to have drank the koolaid.
For the start of the invasion, I think the reason I got it wrong (I thought that Russia would not invade Ukraine, but would officially take the separatist regions) was because of low number of troops that were prepared for the invasion. The Guardian reported 190k troops, which is comically low for any serious invasion of such a large country like Ukraine. Hell, it may not even be enough to take over a city like Kiev with so few troops given that defenders put up a real fight. Some estimates put the total number of troops fighting for Russia at the very start at approx. 250k, that's including the separatist regions that conducted a pretty harsh mobilization a week prior.
Then, I expected Ukraine to have some success simply because of the manpower advantage, but I had no clue how that success would materialize so I didn't make any predictions on that. Ukraine had roughly 250k active military personnel at the start of the war and a robust reservists and territorial defense systems that could mobilize quickly since they've had 'ATO' (anti terrorist operation) since 2014.
For the counteroffensive, I admit that I got completely psyoped by the pro-Ukraine 'experts' and journos. I bought into the western weapons wunderwaffe thesis and that Russian mobilized troops would not have enough experience to withstand the push of well trained and well equipped Ukrainians. I also thought that Russia blundered by wasting their time with Bakhmut, which I assumed lost them a sizeable chunk of wagner reserves that could've been used for strengthening up defense. I thought that volunteer numbers coming out of Russia were completely made up (part of that is because anecdotal evidence - I have Russian friends that still live in Russia and out of my whole circle not one had a close relative or friend that has been mobilized or has volunteered, the result that most likely occurred because of selection bias), making the frontline understaffed on the Russian side once again. The Russian sources I read supported my thoughts - they were heavy in doom and gloom about how they are outnumbered and outgunned, how the defensive line they are building is nothing but a money laundering grift for the big wigs (which given the track record for Russian big wigs sounds pretty true). I expected a Kherson style pace where there's small progress here and there until Russia has to flee to more advantageous line of defense. And well, that clearly didn't happen.
My current prediction is that there won't be an official ceasefire in 2024 because:
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I believe the main goal for Russia is Ukraine not 'joining' NATO. 'Joining' is in quotes because I think even more cooperation between Ukraine and NATO without the former officially joining would be considered a threat. And all the talk from pro-ceasefire Ukrainian side right now is about 'exchanging' the lost land for quick NATO accession. I think Russia would not agree to that, and if I'm right then continuing the fight is considered more beneficial by the Russian regime
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If Ukraine gets funding from it's allies for 2024, no ceasefire is also a more beneficial position for Zelensky because the war keeps the public from confronting the government about the undemocratic draconian measures that have been bestowed upon them. There's no data on this, but anecdotal evidence suggests that a lot of men are going to leave the country the moment they have an ability to do so. The current street price for a get-out-of-Ukraine-as-a-healthy-male card is anywhere between $5k to $12k, a sum many cannot afford. Leaving the border closed after the war is over or on hold would not only raise eyebrows in the West for being undemocratic (how significant this is is debatable, but would definitely not score any democracy PR points for Ukraine) but also anger own constituents. EDIT: not to mention the fact that I believe Zelensky has no chance of winning post war elections. All the losses, corruption, and so on will be pinned on him, so unless he pulls a Putin and elects himself in post war elections, keeping the war going and postponing election is the move for him if he wishes to keep his power (and based on his actions he does wish so)
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If Ukraine doesn't get funding (my prediction is it will, maybe just enough to keep in the fight), there's no reason for Russia to agree to a ceasefire. Ukraine has nothing without funding from US, I don't believe EU is willing/able to provide enough for the war.
So I think Ukraine will get funded, the fight will continue into 2024 and probably 2025 with very slow net Russian advances. The wildcard event that I think is possible but highly unlikely is regime change in Ukraine to a pro-Russian (it wouldn't be exactly puppet style pro-Russian, it would probably be more like a regime that's more accepting of negotiations on Russian terms, read Arestovych's recent takes) regime. I put odds of this happening at 3-5% and increasing as war drags on
IMO most immigrants I know (all of them are in software development, so very narrow selection) are doing much better than majority of their home bred peers. Yeah, you lose a couple years in grad school, but you're also jumping straight into a high paying job that puts you into the 80th percentile for income. Even in your example, the aspirational immigrant is entering their 30s with a '$300k buffer', that puts you ahead majority of Americans. The only aspect that immigrants lack at is social - most don't have great social groups or romantic relationships, but I don't think that can be excused to the immigrant hardships to the full extent. Plenty of my American friends in their mid 20s have few friends and maybe 1-2 (if any) relationships under their belt, so I think that's just how current generation is.
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