falling-star
1d ago
I don't really buy the link between BDSM and promiscuity. I was the first for the partner that got me into BDSM. Even as a virgin she was into the idea of it and wanted to try it out with me. I also doubt the historical story you're telling about coerced sex being largely promiscuous. My understanding is that when a woman was historically kidnapped, they either ended up as a "war bride" or a slave to a specific man/household. I don't think going into a brothel was the median case. There's the whole story of the Rape of the Sabine Women, where they were kidnapped to be wives for Romans. There, I think it did matter to bond to their abductors (Stockholm syndrome). Bonding effectively was a gambit to raise their status from sex slave to wife.
falling-star
1d ago
Yeah that flow of events is backwards IME. Every girl I've done that with has been the first to request it. Some of them were extremely insistent. The funny thing is they were doing the "it's normal, everyone does it" routine on me.
falling-star
2d ago
BDSM relationships are rational and adaptive for (some? many?) modern women
[Epimistic Status: Might just be the girls I date]
Oh boy! Another post on gender and romantic dynamics. Discussions on this topic here tend to go in a few predictable ways, and unfortunately there's a frequent vibe of posters here just not liking women. Leaving aside the whole hypergamy bit, there's frequent sneers about girls being attracted to partners that will mistreat them. This attraction is attributed to two evo psych explanations:
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Men with aggressive and dark triad traits are more likely to succeed in gathering resources and accruing power. This makes them valuable mates, but also makes them high risks for physical abuse, infidelity, etc. There's something good correlated with something bad.
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Females evolutionarily were frequently coerced by mates. They often didn't get to even choose their mates at all. This goes back all the way to chimps and monkeys. The ones that tolerated the abuse better were more likely to survive and reproduce. One of the pathways to tolerate abuse better is to enjoy it at some level. If you can't really control whether you get hit or not, it's more adaptive to get off on it than have a mental breakdown. The same goes for submissive behavior. Once you're wired deep down to enjoy something, you're going to start seeking it out.
I broadly think these two points are true, and I still like women. I think given submissive and masochistic impulses are wired in, the rational move is satify them while minimizing damage. BDSM relationships (which I'm using here as a catchall for everything from hard power dynamics to good 'ole slapping and choking in bed) are a social technology that fills that role.
Women want things in a partner. They also have different reproductive strategies that don't always neatly coincide. Pretty boys will make pretty daughters. Kind and caring partners are more likely to invest in you and your offspring. Dark triad partners are more likely to be disproportionately successful, but they might hurt you in the process. Straight up abusive partners just need to be survived, and some level of massochism helps.
Some of these reproductive strategies clearly work out a lot better than others. It's much better to end up with a pretty boy than an abusive one, but instincts were evolved when mate choice was much more constrained. Leaving a bad partner is much more of an option now, rendering some of the survival instincts counter produtive. So what's a gal to do with that masochistic drive? Get with a decent partner than have them do BDSM. Much better to be choked by the pretty boy that loves you than the dark triad guy that will actually kill you.
Backdoor on Feminism?
So here's my fringe, underdeveloped thought. Feminism and "womens liberation" broadly decreased the amount women had to submit to their partners. A lot of women liked that change. Some more reactionary ones didn't and explicitly volunteer for more trad lifestyles. I think a lot of women have mixed feelings. They really value the practical gains in freedom in some areas. But in others they didn't really want to stop being submissive. Western blue tribe women are seeped in the idea that feminism is good, and wanting to roll things back is bad. BDSM offers a figleaf for that. It's culture is soaked in the language of consent, so it doesn't contradict feminism. Yep, wearing a collar and being your man's slave is empowering. BDSM offers a framework for picking and choosing what bits of power to keep and return. You can still have your own job, but do everything you husband says at home.
My anecdotes
I had an ex who I was keeping on a leash. She really liked being given orders. One day I asked her to fetch me food a few too many times and she said "I wanted to be your girlfriend, not your servant!" I learned then when girls want to be submissive it's more like they want to be your pet than your maid.
I had two separate exes who ran away from abusive partners and then ended up with me. They were sensible enough to flee at the first sign of trouble. They liked me a fair amount at first, but when I introduced them to BDSM they became enthralled with me. I think early in the relationship were satisfying the Pretty/Caring strategy. Once BDSM hit the mix they felt like they were satisfying Pretty/Caring/Dominant. I think the BDSM community downplays the relationship with domestic violence for PR reasons. There's definitely something there.
falling-star
28d ago
We're so back The accelerator program is coming to a close. I feel really confident about the startup raising money and succeeding. We work in a medical space, and so far we've saved two people's lives. Even after dividing credit a few ways, I think that outweighs all my petty sins so far. I feel like I showed up to San Fransisco as a level 5 guy in a level 40 dungeon. Every day was harder than it should have been, but the end result was leveling up stupid fast. I've grown up in good ways, and am a lot better at my job and responsibility in general. We're all gonna make it motte bros.
It's so over Holy shit I am so burnt out. All I've been doing is some form of work for the past few months. I have basically no social contact outside my business partners, and they just want to work 24/7. The personal confidence and feelings of being OK I got from the gym has evaporated as my attendance and diet have fallen apart. I'm losing weight and feeling vaguely sick all the time. I had a goal to at least get through all this without using stimulants, but I cracked the first time someone offered them to me while I was dealing with outtages. I just want this to be over and go home.
falling-star
1mo ago
My only new years resolution this year was to count my calories using an app. I pretty much ended up not doing it after three weeks because it felt cumbersome and inaccurate around big batches of homecooked food. Once I get done with this accelerator program maybe I'll get back on it. As is I have very little downtime to cook, surviving mostly off takeout and energy drinks.
falling-star
2mo ago
I don't think that's actually true. I've seen plenty of people just not use best practices without any sort of principled reason throughout my career. Some people just hate change for changes sake.
falling-star
3mo ago
I've been starting $PRESTIGIOUS_ACCELERATOR recently. It's really surreal. I did an accelerator before, and while the form is the same, the sheer amount of wealth and power and potential I'm around is next level. I keep whipsawing between "hell yeah I made it" to "I am only here through stupid dumb luck". Deserved or not, this skinny kid from Massachusetts is in the heart of silicone valley.
All my dating/self improvement/social maxing bullshit seems like it started to bear fruit right before I left town. I've had two separate girls propose hookups. Wasn't super into them so I declined. On a few other occasions I got numbers from girls I consider extremely attractive, then fumbled the texting part. I'm extremely heartened by this, I'm fucking up further down the "sales" pipeline. That means the previous steps are working. Not really sure if I'll try to date out of town, but I'm going to keep grinding the gym and trying to otherwise improve my appearance.
falling-star
3mo ago
So far I've gotten a good view of the bridge. Going back for a bike ride sounds like good fun.
falling-star
3mo ago
Ended up walking from around Folsom St to the Presidium and nearby beach. Got to watch the sunset on the golden gate bridge. I didn't realize how damn big it was until a container ship went underneath.
falling-star
3mo ago
Just rolled into San Fransisco. Got no plans for the next few days, what's some fun stuff to check out? Lower/no budget ideally
falling-star
3mo ago
It was the "Kawaii Krochet" Sloth DIY Crochet kit. Thanks for the rec I will strongly consider.
falling-star
3mo ago
Side note: Unpack the word submissive. Lots more girls are interested in being their man's pet than their man's maid.
falling-star
3mo ago
Curious what language and sub field you're working with. I've found wildly different performance on similar tasks across different languages. Best performance is definitely typescript. Python is alright. Flutter can be a complete joke. Primarily use Claude Opus for everything. I think it's made me mountains more productive in typescript.
falling-star
3mo ago
Been teaching myself how to crochet. Right now I'm working on a scarf. I had bought a """beginners""" crochet a stuffed animal kit a while back. Instructions were pretty much impossible so I'm starting with something easier.
falling-star
3mo ago
Right now three. For the next few months I can probably push it to 4/5.
falling-star
3mo ago
I'm thinking about changing my gym routine. I previously did the stronglifts 5x5 program (squats, bench, rows, overhead press, deadlifts). I was getting good results out of that for a bit until I started getting back pain and plateauing. I've started trying my friend's routine, which is 4x8 of lots of different isolation exercises.
I'm not sure now which routine to go with. The new routine is a lot faster. My body gets a lot sorer, but I don't feel as exhausted energy wise. There's lots of contradictory info on what types of exercises are good for what. I'm primarily trying to get big and promote testosterone production. So compounds or isolation?
falling-star
4mo ago
Take Sudafed daily. Eat something spicy with every meal. Best way to delete congestion. I find curing congestion often helps with getting rid of coughs.
falling-star
4mo ago
Please do the effort post.
falling-star
4mo ago
Can we please wait until there's at least a suspect in custody before using the Brown shooting to support your narrative?
falling-star
4mo ago
This happened in my neighborhood. The streets are empty and dead. People are scared.
falling-star
5mo ago
Life Status: We're so Back
A while ago I posted that my startup failed. To cut a really long story short, everyone we talked to said no to fundraising. One of my partners went on a longshot campaign to change one specific investor's mind. Against all common sense and expectations it worked. The old dream is back from the dead.
Soon I'll be in San Fransisco for another accelerator. Feels like going to college twice tbh. Down to meet up with any motte bros. Would love advice, lore, suggestions on things to do and places to go. I'll be there for a few months.
I posted earlier about my plan to get a gf via lifting and getting involved in the rave scene. I had a buddy that heard my plan and decided to do it with me, hitting pretty much the same gym days and events. He recently got a girl. I'm taking it as validation that this is a good plan and I just need to stick with it.
I've barely gained any weight, but my body is looking much more defined. I don't feel dissapointed anymore when I look in the mirror. There was a party where all the guys ended up competing doing stuff like pullups, wrestling, etc. I put in a good showing and it felt like all those gym hours were worthwhile.
Advice time:
My squat's stalled around 240 lbs. I've been getting pain in my lower back. I think it's due to me arching it to avoid bending forward. I've tried consciously trying to not, but it hasn't worked. Any tips/tricks/exercises?
Thinking of doing a short run of testosterone while in San Fran to increase my body mass. The idea would be a one time intervention rather that a lifetime thing. Any experiences, thoughts, guidance?
Help. My ass and thighs are getting too powerful and I can't fit into 90% of my jeans anymore. What do?
falling-star
6mo ago
I gave up on my previous startup. I'm trying to do some direct to consumer AI bullshit mobile app now. I didn't get paid for a while at the last business and my savings are almost out. Going to have to find a part time job to sustain myself. I'm bumming pretty much anything I can off my friends at this point. At least they care about me.
I'm starting to recover my gains at the gym. That feels nice. Between that and trying to eat healthy, I have something holding me together. I'm not really thinking or feeling much, even though I should. That was my life's work for years. My mentality now is "just keep walking, if you stop you die."
I'm starting to take stimulants again. They're pretty bad for my mental state and social skills. Once I get decent progress towards an MVP on this app I'll get off them. If any motte bros have experience in consumer mobile apps or game design I'd appreciate the chance to pick your brains.
A few weeks ago I had the thought that I was ready to start dating. I guess I'm mentally ready, but no money is rough. I do feel way better about my sex appeal developing a mobile app than a b2b healthcare whatever. Once I get some part time work I'll finally pay for professional pictures and get on the apps. Hopefully I don't degrade too much by then.
falling-star
6mo ago
My startup may or may not be falling apart. We've been completely out of money for a bit, and the last fund raise process is almost over with minimal results. We're only waiting to hear back from a few more funds. Darkly funny this all happened right after we signed multiple contracts worth tens of millions. Maybe healthcare just is a cursed industry.
I have an idea for another business. I'm pretty much out of money though. I guess some sort of part time or short term job is in order.
Been losing a lot of progress at the gym while dealing with this. I'm doing my best to damage control the decline.
falling-star
7mo ago
Hey I'm reading that too! Good book.
Back home from the accelerator in SF. Still partially burnt out but recovering. Weighed myself when I got home, only regressed 153 lbs -> 148, not as bad as I expected. Trying to put the weight back on with heavy use of fruit smoothies and protein powder, eating mad bowls of pork and rice.
Work demands haven't really relaxed. Early success means we have patients (generating operational tasks), but not money to actually hire more staff. So I've become an insurance biller on top of a fullstack engineer. Been telling myself I want unreasonable things so I'll have to work unreasonably hard to get them. It's hard though, pushing all the time and not having time to recover or experience normal life.
I had a girl that was at least receptive to me that I was really into. We never got to meet a second time 'cause I went to SF right after we met. I missed a chance to run into her at a rave recently because I was working. I got her on instagram and I get the live reminders in my feed that she's still around. Not sure if that's healthy or helpful.
@thejdizzler I remember you mentioned a while back coming into a good bit of money. Did you end up buying property or otherwise improving your life with it?
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