birb_cromble
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User ID: 3236
birb_cromble
1d ago
As someone who is working through (possibly C-) PTSD with a therapist, I would say that a good therapist can be a fantastic resource, but a bad therapist is probably worse than not having one at all, and even a good therapist who uses the wrong modality is going to effectively be a bad therapist for you.
I've been through three therapists in my efforts to get my head on straight. The first told me after one appointment that she was not qualified to deal with my specific disorder, and recommended a few others in the area who were more qualified. I respected that honesty.
The second therapist was not a good match, and my various symptoms got a lot worse in the short term. It may be that they would have improved over time, but she left the practice before that came to pass.
The third one has been great so far. The work we've done seems to be highly informed by DBT, and puts a lot of weight into forcing my lizard brain into understanding that the first 20 years of my life and my present life are very different things. That may sound obvious, but God damn, do old habits die hard.
More than that, she helps by functioning as a point of reference for what a Normal, Well-Adjusted Human thinks about things. Sometimes you don't realize that you are, for example, letting a person take advantage of you until somebody who seems to generally have their shit together says "you are letting that person take advantage of you". Some of you may scoff at the idea of having a professional say that instead of a family member or friend, but if you don't have access to a family member or friend who has their shit together, it's a viable alternative.
I've been at it for a couple of years now. I'd like to be done, but it's a process. It took decades to fuck my shit up, and I'm not going to undo it by taking 12 insurance-approved mindfulness sessions where I count five things that I see on the walls and five things that I smell. The work suuuucks to do, because no reasonable person wants to think about the things that are informing the maladaptive thoughts and behaviors, but it's necessary if you want to improve.
Even though it's slow going, I have seen benefits. I don't dissociate as much as I used to, and when I do I don't lose as much time and my actions during that period aren't nearly as dramatic. The amount of physical tension that I carry 24x7 has gone down, which has resulted in less chronic pain around old joint injuries. It's easier (not easy) for me to move around in cities.
TLDR: Find the right therapist. Make sure they use techniques that actually work for your bullshit. Actually do the work they assign.
birb_cromble
2d ago
Around me, there is a DNC and GOP chapter, but they're both sclerotic and accomplish very little outside of having a monthly breakfast get together. All the real work happens in focused advocacy organizations. I used to do some work with a firearms rights group, and they were able to secure some real wins.
As far as recruiting at the campaign and career level, that looks like it's mostly just a way to secure contributions. If a successful real estate slumlord or a car dealership owner has a failson, he tends to end up as a staffer for somebody.
birb_cromble
2d ago
Purely out of curiosity - can you mix and match income sources here?
Eg: could a live at home guy make $3,000 from door dash, $3,000 from stock dividends on an inheritance, and $1,000 from interest in a savings account and qualify?
A quick reading seems to suggest he could.
birb_cromble
3d ago
People don't like to talk about things like this. I am only doing it because I'm a few drinks in on New Years Eve.
Regardless of the reason, I appreciate it, stranger. This shit is awful, but hearing from others who've dealt with similar things makes it seem less crushing.
birb_cromble
4d ago
My father starts chemotherapy in the new year. I will be heading to see him as often as my job and his physical condition allow.
I wish there were more I could do for him, but I am forcing myself to remember that, at this point, it's out of my hands. It's difficult to unravel our past, but it seems like he's happy that I'm there. If being there helps, I will make an effort to be there.
He has been relying on me to understand and translate the medical jargon that they are lobbing in his direction, and I'm doing my best to keep up. Medical studies are dense pieces of writing, and I'm trying to be both accurate and honest about his choices. I wish I didn't have to be - they're not very good.
I worry about his wife and my youngest brother. They both have a large extended family who want to support them, but none of those family members have ever really dealt with anything like this, and they aren't coordinating with each other at all. They're both getting a little overwhelmed, and I fear it's only going to get worse.
I am exhausted, burnt out, and putting almost all of my effort into simply keeping my shit together. I haven't been eating right, or sleeping right, or exercising regularly, and I'm concerned about the impact this might have on my employment. I don't know what to do about it, though, other than hope for the best. I can't make my father not have stage four metastatic cancer. That's not something I have the power to do.
For anyone who has gone through this before, I have two questions.
First - what can be done to make the treatment more tolerable? The carboplatin/paclitaxel/pembrolizumab cocktail looks like it's going to play merry hell on his system, and if there's anything other than anti nausea medication (already prescribed) that might help, I want to look into it. I'll take anything from double blind randomized clinical trials to old wive's tales at this point.
Second - how do I keep my shit together? My father and I have always had a distance between us. He comes to visit maybe once a decade, and he rarely calls, but he's still my father. I have tried to bridge that gap over the years, and it feels like I'm running out of time. I feel helpless, and like I'm not doing nearly enough, and that this is somehow all my fault. I know that some fraction of that is not rational, but it's difficult to to disentangle everything when you're also confronting the fact that a loved one has less than even odds of making it a year. It feels like I'm coming apart every time I think about it. I don't want to end up in a spiral. That won't help him or me.
birb_cromble
4d ago
I don't care about the existence of a single thermometer, but I am relatively interested in knowing the temperature outside.
birb_cromble
5d ago
Imagine the committee appointment drama.
birb_cromble
5d ago
I think this is where I'm going to take a moment to shill my personal vision: let's amend the apportionment act of 1929.
I don't know if the house of representatives having 1,000 members would be an improvement, but I'd like to see what would happen.
birb_cromble
5d ago
The only one of those where I have an experience is double bass. You can get a Shen that's "good enough" for bluegrass and rockabilly for several thousand dollars. Historically, you'd be looking at a Kay or an Englehardt that was more expensive (inflation adjusted) and harder to find.
I can't speak on the broad quality of any of them because I am not a classically trained, professional musician who has had the opportunity to use a high quality, fully carved piece. I'm just a guy that likes to entertain in bars.
birb_cromble
6d ago
I've seen Elon Musk making some noises that it is downstream of DOGE investigations, but the man is unashamed about self-aggrandizement.
birb_cromble
6d ago
Would you prefer 990 and no show?
birb_cromble
6d ago
I know it feels good to blackpill, but it does look like roughly 90 people from multiple states are facing charges so far.
You can argue that those 90 people don't matter because the Democrats/Illuminati/Jews/WEF/Rosthschilds/Saurian Aliens from Zeta Reticuli aren't catching a RICO rap, but I'll take whatever wins I can get right now.
birb_cromble
6d ago
I feel like you may have far higher standards than me for instrument quality.
In 1995 I was dealing with bad frets and a warped neck. Now I'm just dealing with bad frets on a cheaper tool. To me, that's huge progress.
birb_cromble
6d ago
Thank you for what you do.
birb_cromble
7d ago
I have always had a soft spot in my heart for the Christmas carol "Oh Holy Night". Something about it feels hopeful in a way that almost no other sacred music ever has to me.
Jesper Kyd manages to really nail the aesthetic in the Darktide OST.
birb_cromble
7d ago
If you want to stay inside the lines but be a little subversive, maybe consider Blood Over Bright Haven. The first half of the book feels like the same trauma porn and girl power mashup that you describe above, but the protagonist has a pretty heavy heel-turn as the book progresses.
birb_cromble
7d ago
Like guns, musical instruments today are fantastic quality for the price. A new $300 Squier is better than a MIA Fender equivalent from the 90s, in my opinion. Manufacturers with less of a "lifestyle" position are even better.
CNC machining has been a real game changer.
birb_cromble
7d ago
I'd be very leery of the legal aspects to something like this. I have some vague recollections about a donor in a similar scenario still being on the hook for child support.
birb_cromble
7d ago
Well this will keep me busy for a while. Thanks
birb_cromble
7d ago
I don't really consume a lot of ads in my daily life, so it's hard to tell. I don't really watch much TV, and my computer is pretty locked down with both ad blockers and a pi hole
All of the ads I've been seeing are gross and off-putting, but the few that are clearly AI are especially bad.
birb_cromble
7d ago
I've been spending a lot of time with my father recently. Because of the cancer, he's not as energetic as he was, and he's watching football as a comfort and a way to pass the time.
I've noticed that a surprising amount of the advertising is using AI animation. I'm not exactly an anti-AI, "it's killing art" type, but there's something about it that's absolutely revolting when I see it in action. It's like everything is a worm-ridden mass of semi-biological matter that writhes and wriggles across every single frame. It's an aesthetic that would be more fitting in a particularly unpleasant horror short than a commercial trying to sell me Coca-Cola.
The crazy thing to me is that nobody else in the room even seems to notice it. Maybe I'm just some kind of freak, but it occurred to me when you said this:
The character's appearances are consistent throughout. There's no weird physics or physical deformities
Is that actually true, or is it just that you aren't bothered by it?
birb_cromble
7d ago
Do you have a few examples of what they're recommending, what might squeak by, and what would be right out?
birb_cromble
7d ago
Three to five hours, mostly, with most of that being rural interstate.
Any recommendations on podcasts? I've never really looked into them at all. Tagging @Southkraut too in case he has any input as well.
birb_cromble
7d ago
Does anyone here have recommendations for making long drives more tolerable? I've been on the road a lot lately, and by the time I get toy destination, I'm pretty wiped out.
The band I've been playing with did a short bar gig last night after a couple month hiatus. The pay was dogshit, but I had enough fun that the money was really just a bonus.
For the musicians out there - do you have any good tips and tricks for getting gigs? Are there any "nontraditional" venues that I might be missing?
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