birb_cromble
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User ID: 3236
birb_cromble
14hr ago
It's enormously helpful. Thank you.
birb_cromble
23hr ago
I'm not exactly sure how to articulate it, but I've seen a lot of discussion between Christians and atheists here where the Christian stance has a strong theme of "you just don't get it". I don't know if it's because the other side of the conversation has a fundamental difference in viewpoint, but the "vibe" is frequently there. Much like the 2014 era meme of "it's not my job to educate you", it feels like it's meant to absolve the speaker of having to explain their stance in a way that allows someone to get it.
That is such a strange stance for me. If Christianity is real, and I could bring myself to believe, I don't think that I would morally be capable of saying something like that.
I don't remember who it was, but someone on this forum once wrote up a long response that could be compressed to "Jesus loves you. Yes, even you, even though you don't think he should." It was probably the single best case for Christianity that I have ever read. It actually made the faith make sense on a visceral level for the first time in my life. I wish we saw more of that here, rather than comments about religion social technology.
birb_cromble
1d ago
Something like 80-90% of republican congressional staffers are groypers or deep-cover groypers
That's a hell of a claim. Do you have anything to back that up? I'd be interested in seeing those numbers.
birb_cromble
1d ago
Why would you be miffed?
I'm not @celluloid_dream, and I am also not an atheist. I am not observant, and I am not even certain that I could say that I am a Christian, even though I desperately wish that I could say that I was.
There is something about that particular kind of thread that bothers me. It seems, for lack of better terms, both condescending and sinful.
It feels to me like many of those threads are rooted in a faith that is almost Calvinist, where anyone who is not already among the elect will not and cannot understand the ineffable nature of God's grace; it seems more a way to reaffirm the holiness of the speaker rather than to spread the Good News of universal salvation that is offered to anyone. I'm not sure if this is the intent, but it feels that way when you are on the "other side".
But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
Jesus himself said to be circumspect about discussions of faith. It is difficult for me to reconcile that with what I have written above.
birb_cromble
1d ago
Most Republicans didn't recognize her name in a poll
Now there's an interesting question. What percentage of sitting congressmen could beat 44%, do you think?
birb_cromble
1d ago
Has nobody brought up the Marjorie Taylor Greene thing? I guess I'll jump on that grenade.
After break with Trump, Marjorie Taylor Greene will resign
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, the Georgia Republican who rose to prominence as one of President Trump's biggest defenders and recently became one of his biggest critics, is leaving Congress.
In some respects, it seems like the current GOP coalition is beginning to fracture. Up until recently, MTG was a high profile face in the MAGA movement. The fact that she is bowing out seems to represent something of a sea change in DC politics.
Both parties seem to be having problems, and to me, at least, it's fascinating that the problems seem to have a lot of overlap. In no particular order, both the DNC and GOP seem to be having a lot of internal problems with the following:
In some respects, it almost feels like a realignment might be creeping up on us. Is anyone else getting a similar feeling? Are there any alternatives that fit current events better?
birb_cromble
1d ago
What is your own personal risk/cost tolerance for housing these days - particularly for purchasing a home? Looking around, I see advice that ranges from "15 year mortgage at most and no more that 25% of your post-deduction take home income" all the way up to "up to 28% of your gross income on a 30 year mortgage". That much of a spread seems crazy to me, and I'd like to hear some personal opinions. If you can explain how you reached that conclusion, that would be even better.
birb_cromble
3d ago
The evil gods are Lovecraftian monsters that may or may not be Angels who rebelled against future God.
Future God seems to be some kind of ultimate post-singularity intelligence that is impacting the past in order to guarantee its existence.
birb_cromble
3d ago
I'm currently reading the last book in the Sun Eater series by Christopher Ruocchio. The subtextual Catholic apologia is threatening to lose its "sub" status, but it's still quite enjoyable if you're looking for something that straddles the sci-fi fantasy line in the same way as Dune.
birb_cromble
7d ago
I had the stitches removed last Monday, and I'm starting to feel more like a human being again.
At the moment my biggest issue is that I'm apparently one of the small percentage of the population who can experience raging panic attacks after taking antibiotics.
As someone who has never really had anxiety disorders before, this is equally unpleasant and fascinating. I'll wake up at 5:30 am, feeling like a have a steel rod jammed down my torso, with the impression that the only reason that my jackhammering heart doesn't launch itself out of my body is because I have an enormous weight sitting on my chest.
My first thoughts on attaining consciousness are that I'm going to lose my job, and everyone is going to abandon me, and I'm going to die homeless and starving in a roadside drainage culvert. Rationally, I know this is insane. I have gotten glowing reviews at my employer every year for years now, and I have enough cash on hand to go two full years without a job without any lifestyle changes at all. Eventually I can talk myself out of those automatic thoughts, but the physical symptoms are incredibly persistent. Thankfulky, they do seem to be slowly diminishing over time.
At present, I've mostly been coping by going for a long early morning walk and then taking a nap over my lunch break to get through the rest of the day.
Has anybody else experienced anything like this? If you have, or you're a more chronic panic attack-haver, what can you recommend to help deal with the physical symptoms?
birb_cromble
10d ago
Why do you recommend VTI over VT or VOO, if you don't mind my asking?
birb_cromble
10d ago
Asked if you want to get married someday?
We have both talked about marriage. She's unable to have children, so it's not the highest priority for us, but neither of us are averse to the idea. We've both essentially backburnered discussion around it to "when we're together and it actually makes sense".
Do you visit her in CITY regularly? Does she visit you?
I try to get over there at least once a month. She tries to get down here at least once a month. It's never perfect and it's never perfectly 50/50, but we do our best.
birb_cromble
10d ago
I am an inveterate saver, and due to a dirt-poor upbringing I am probably more financially conservative than 90% of the people on this board.
That said, I am trying to change that, and I'd like to take a few grand of my savings and put them to better work.
If you had ~$3,000 right now that you could use to try and get a better than 3.8% return from, what would you do with it?
Right now I can get 4.10% from a 9 month CD. I could, in theory, invest it, but I have some concerns about the economic fundamentals of the market right now.
Any advice would be appreciated.
birb_cromble
13d ago
I'm coming up on two weeks since I had that molar surgically extracted and the bone graft done. Here are a few notes for anyone who might have to deal with it in the future:
- You're going to sleep a lot the first day. Set alarms to stay hydrated and take ibuprofen.
- The "soft foods" restriction absolutely sucks. You're going to have a difficult time getting enough calories. Dairy is your friend here. Rich mashed potatoes have kept me from losing too much weight. A protein shake also isn't a terrible idea: in addition to the protein, they tend to be fortified with a ton of other micronutrients.
- Since you're calorie deficient and burning what energy you do consume to heal, you're going to be cold all the damned time. Layer up.
- Don't bend over for the first 48 hours unless you enjoy bleeding.
- You will be cold ALL THE DAMNED TIME. I write this from underneath a thermal base layer, long Johns, sweatpants, a waffle long sleeved shirt, a hooded sweatshirt, fingerless gloves, and a blanket and I am still cold.
- Don't take a hot bath for the first 48 hours. It makes the affected area more uncomfortable.
- Discomfort is going to peak around 48-72 hours. It will get better from there.
- The stitches are rough and have a pretty good chance of abrading your tongue. This will be especially bad on the first day before the anesthesia wears off. When you can, try to sleep on your side so that your tongue falls away from them rather than on to them.
- On the first night, try sleeping as close to sitting up as you can manage. It'll really help keep the swelling down.
I'm open to questions if anybody has something similar on the horizon or they're just morbidly curious.
birb_cromble
14d ago
Are there borderline state schools unable to fill classes?
The most high profile example of this that I'm aware of is up in Pennsylvania. The Pennsylvania State University is not exactly a state school, but it is one of the "big three" schools that are affiliated.
Three years ago they announced a hiring freeze. It's nominally still active at the end of 2025. I know some people who work there who say that their teams have been reduced by more than half simply through attrition.
Earlier this year, they announced that they will be closing seven of their branch campuses. Students who are still attending them will be given financial assistance and priority admission to attend other schools.
The enrollment cliff is real, and it scares the hell out of higher ed administrators.
birb_cromble
15d ago
Im wondering what your friends' takes are on this. It's hard to see these things from the inside.
It broadly breaks down into friends who know her well, and friends who don't. The friends who do not know her well almost universally land on "dump her ass".
Those who know her well seem to gravitate somewhere near "it's not perfect, but if you're both willing to accept things as they are, don't push it". She's stubborn about things sometimes. One of the more interesting viewpoints I've seen was her brother's. He thinks that she'd move up here if she thought it was her idea.
birb_cromble
16d ago
She's doing this not to protect you, but so that she won't feel as guilty breaking up with you when you move to $(CITY
This was actually my idea, not hers. I'm extremely financially conservative and she is too. It's specifically because we were comfortably able to discuss finances that we had the conversation in the first place.
How often do you even see each other, given your limitations?
Usually, I drive to her about once a month and she hops a train to me about once a month. We get a couple days together when that happens. Holidays are longer, and when her employer shuts down for several days in the summer we get more then as well.
birb_cromble
16d ago
That said, I do wonder what you're doing about the PTSD. The best evidence when it comes to therapy relates to the forms that involve desensitization
In my actual appointments, we're focusing on recognizing the signs that I'm about to have a full episode and get it under control before it spirals. My therapist has also broached EMDR, but does not believe that we have done sufficient ground work to make it useful without simply retraumatizing me.
In my personal life, I go to $(CITY) when I can. There are a few neighborhoods that are absolute no-go zones for me at the moment, but I can at least drive to a few venues on my own without throwing up on the side of the road and turning around these days.
move things over slowly, with friends and family around
One thing that I have learned recently is that her sibling and her parents both think she would be better off here. Since she has moved to $(CITY), her support network has atrophied as local friends have moved away. Her sibling lives about five miles from me. Her grandparents and extended family are considerably closer to here than to $(CITY), and her parents are considering moving to that town as well.
birb_cromble
16d ago
I'm not sure where is she in this picture? I mean, if you're going to live together, is she expected to contribute to this arrangement? Right now, as I understand, she's living in an expensive city - so she must have some means to maintain this lifestyle? Isn't she expected to contribute something to the future living arrangements?
She currently lives in a tiny, run-down apartment that's at the top of multiple flights of stairs. Her income isn't bad, but she's trying to save. While we would both contribute to expenses, one thing that we both agree on is that we should only calculate affordability based on my assets and income. That way, in an emergency, her income could give us considerable runway while I try to find a new job or otherwise right the ship.
Why is it it that I am getting a vibe that for her it is not a problem and the current arrangement works just fine for her and she does not want to change it? I mean, by this point it is clear what you want. But is it clear to you what she wants?
I've had similar thoughts, and if she's happy with how things are, then I am content. Maybe that makes me an overly romantic fool, but I'll accept it. She has told me she wants to be together, but words and actions are not always the same thing.
birb_cromble
16d ago
She has a very small apartment. It gets pretty tight even when it's just me visiting for more than a few days.
God, I hate to be one of those people, but I'm coming here asking for relationship advice. I'm looking for honest, blunt opinions here - the kind that only a stranger can really provide.
My partner and I have been together for around a decade now. For the last several years, she has lived in $(CITY) about two and a half hours from where I live, and where we met.
We've discussed living together, and we both agree to the idea in principle, but we have several enormous roadblocks that are in the way.
She does not drive, and will not accept living somewhere that does not have ubiquitous, reliable transportation. I, on the other hand, have formally-diagnosed PTSD from moving dozens of times throughout my youth, and the various forms of abuse that came with it. The idea of moving is miserable for me; the last time I did it was when I moved purchased my first (and current) home, which sent me into such a tailspin that I damaged relationships with my friends, had trouble at work, and essentially lost six months to righting my life again. The idea of moving to a city is exponentially worse. Therapy has slowly improved things, but the more real and imminent things seem, the worse it gets.
While our attempts to find a home together have been interrupted by the cultural and economic shocks of the last five years, we have proceeded as far as looking at houses in $(CITY). It got so bad for me during this process that I more than once found myself miles from her apartment or my home, shoeless, and covered in scrapes and cuts with absolutely no idea of how I got there. I was depressed, and wasn't sleeping due to the 24x7 flood of adrenaline in my system. This manifested in a whole host of other physical symptoms. It got so bad that my partner and I sat down and agreed to pause our search while I got myself right.
Now, in 2025, I'm doing some soul searching. I love this woman more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. She is loving, and kind. She is the kind of person that will stay with a stray kitten in freezing weather until a rescue group arrives and takes it somewhere safe. If I can, I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and more than anything I want her to be happy. In all of our time together, we've had our share of fights and disagreements, but we've always been able to come out of them stronger and with a better understanding of each other's needs.
She tells me she misses me, and that she wishes we could be together. She has also told me that she will never move into my home. When we spoke about this a few weeks ago, she told me that it was because my area lacks ubiquitous, reliable public transport. I mentioned that we have a fairly effective municipal ride share program, and that I would be willing to drop a few grand on an e-bike that would get her almost anywhere in the region in about the same amount of time that she could expect if my area has a bus line. I also let her know that my job has a lot of flexibility in terms of hours, so I would willingly and joyously drive her wherever she needed to go whenever she didn't feel like using the other options. Her response was that she didn't want to feel Beholden to me, and that was the end of the conversation.
Like a lot of you, once I'm presented with a problem, it's extremely difficult for me to let go of it until I have found a solution. Several sleepless nights followed.
I started looking at homes in $(CITY) again, and started doing math on what I could afford. I have a reasonably good income, and the value of my current home has appreciated significantly since I purchased it. I have also been aggressively paying ahead on the mortgage to th point where I could pay it off now and still have a full year's emergency fund available at my current levels of spending (which includes paying ahead on a mortgage that i would not have). Despite being blessed with those advantages, I am not sure if I will be able to afford a home in $(CITY) in any neighborhood that she would find acceptable.
That was terrifying. I was fighting the idea that I would lose her simply because we couldn't afford to be where she wants to be. I kept crunching numbers, and investigating neighborhoods, and mapping bus and train lines, until eventually I got a notification out of the blue.
I've mentioned before that I live on the outskirts of a little urban-ish enclave. A house had come for sale much closer to the core. It was more expensive than I would have liked (it would set my earliest possible retirement date back by a decade), but it was bigger than my current place, and newer, and a quarter mile from a regular bus stop, and within walking distance of several amenities and the downtown district (such as it is). She told me the problem was transit, and she told me that she didn't want to live where I am now. Was this a possible compromise?
I broached the idea. She shot it down immediately, citing a new concern - she didn't believe that my area would allow for a career path for her. She also said that she knows it's hard for me to hear things like that without looking at it as a problem to solve.
That kicked the legs out from under me for a few days. She had told me the problem was about transportation, right up until it wasn't. In her new reasoning, she claims that the issue is about career concerns. She works in service , but my area has a raging hospitality industry. When she lived here, she would make as much money during tourist season as she does in a year in $(CITY).
We haven't spoken about it since, because I don't want to go into a conversation as important as this one without having my head on straight. If I can, I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman, and I don't want to fuck up that chance because I'm not thinking clearly.
I know that I need to discuss finances with her. That is something that I am planning to do when we both have real time to go over it. She may be under some misapprehensions about what we can afford.
After that, I need to talk to her about where she thinks we're going to live in $(CITY) that fits inside that budget. I've done my best to figure that out, but she's told me after the fact after suggesting homes that it won't work for $(reasons) that are not immediately obvious to me as a non-resident.
I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but I'd like to have both of us suggest a few other areas to possibly explore in 2026 that aren't my home and $(CITY).
I have considered suggesting limited couples counseling for a neutral point of view, but that is a hazy and unfinished thought.
I'm terrified of losing this woman simply because I can't get my shit together, take on a mountain of debt, and move somewhere that makes me deeply uncomfortable to the point of dissociating when I stumble into the wrong neighborhood.
Alright, if you're still reading at this point, what do you have to say?
birb_cromble
16d ago
I'm not that far from Pittsburgh. Maybe I should take another trip up sometime.
What's the name of the weekly?
birb_cromble
16d ago
Any city is going to have hundreds of musicians who write their own material, practice in their spare time, play in bars in the weekends, and are good enough that most of the people in attendance enjoy the performance
I know that this is something of a digression, but are you sure that's true? In my town, and the nearest two cities of any meaningful size, it feels like the live music scene has absolutely cratered in the last decade.
We used to have at least a half dozen acts playing on any given weekend. These groups would range from local cover bands all the way up to national acts playing at the college sports arena. These days you're not even guaranteed to find one act booked on a given weekend.
I play an instrument and dabble on harmonies and songwriting, and finding a new act is also harder than it used to be. In 2018, you'd usually have three or for "ISO $(INSTRUMENT)" posts on Craigslist and at least as many on Facebook (though there might be some overlap) at any given time. Nowadays you'll go days or even weeks without seeing one.
Maybe it's a local problem. Maybe I'm just too old to be hip to the scene these days.
But from where I'm standing, it sure feels like something is sucking all the oxygen out of live music.
birb_cromble
20d ago
My question is mostly, is it normal for the Red Tribe to believe the "official story" over their "lying eyes?" In the past I had seen the reverse.
I am aware of one ICE raid in my area. They raided a local Chinese restaurant on human trafficking charges.
It was not a secret to the locals that this was happening. I had spoken with a handful of friends and coworkers who called a federal tip line or other over the years. Hell, one time I was there for an acquaintance's birthday the proprietor offered to get him a wife from China. Despite all that, it wasn't until the Trump administration that anyone actually decided to do anything about it.
The news reports it as ICE raiding an upstanding business owned by an American citizen. They're rather circumspect about the dozen unrelated teen girls who don't speak English and have no papers that they pulled out of there. The locals who saw it described a very different story to me.
Which one should I believe?
Sure is
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