I'm socially retarded, if that's the right expression.
Due to combination of poor environment, luck and personal flaws, so far (approaching mid 20s) I had few friends, zero experience in relationships, missed several conventional life milestones and trying to catch up. I'm pretty sure I'm not autistic and not blatantly psychiatrically defective (based on reading WebMD) so it's only a matter of skill and practice to get to a tolerable place, yet...how do I navigate talking about difficult topics, especially myself? Additional challenge - I absolutely loathe having to lie.
I tried to use my strengths to combat my weakness and prepare answers in writing for questions that I anticipate but it's not really helpful. I have seen people gliding awkward questions with effortless grace, but as can be inferred from what I wrote so far, that's not something I can do. One of the first conversations with my classmates in college from some years ago:
Her: "Do you have a girlfriend?"
Me: “no”
Her: did you had one before?
Me: “no”
proceed to an awkward pause
I'm only farther behind now, and I don't know if I could handle conversations like that any better.
That made me think: is telling small lies just social glue that most people are pushed to use, except for eloquent speakers and those who are cool enough as in genuinely-don't-give-a-damn and I'm just crippling myself further?
That's such a bizarre sentiment.
If nothingness awaits, there's no reason to keep it waiting any longer. I've long since decided that if I ever completely buy into materialist framework, with all hope of meaning and humans not being cursed from the moment of birth extinguished, I will take a reasonably high-caliber firearm and send one bullet in my temple. Nothing of value is lost; existential dread avoided, likely permanently. Also, a nice gesture of contempt, "no, thanks, that's not good enough for me" toward...no one in particular, I guess. Best available deal in a situation like that, as far as I'm concerned. I will never stop marveling at how different basic ideas about what make life worth living people have.
Trying to pull things similar to your example was the cause of some of the most cringe-worthy gaffes in my life, but I see merit in this approach. At least in the workplace or such I think I could get away with coming up with a formulaic joke that implies that the question is unprofessional and out of place, then try to move the conversation elsewhere without waiting for a reply.
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