George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
The things you lean on / are things that don't last
User ID: 107
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
Are we talking impulsive immediate anger or the slowburn, constant anger of the jaded?
For 1, counting to (insert number) before reacting is homespun, but works. Increase the number as needed.
For 2, you got me. Finding humor in situations seems to help, but real laughter is a balm for the soul, if you can manage it.
Something up?
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
At your age, your "past" is, for someone like me, a year or two ago. Give it all time.
I live in Japan but green tea isn't my favorite. If I'm not just drinking a teabag of Earl Grey or something I have a stash of Lapsang Souchong which probably sounds fru-fru but it's really just this robust black tea. It was said to be Churchill's favorite. It's definitely mine.
I can't describe the taste well. Some call it bacon tea but that's not quite right. It's not that easy to find but you can find it. I keep mine in a Ziploc bag and that bag in a metal tin, just to contain the aroma, which always gets a snide comment from my wife if she smells it.
Loose leaves, get one of those one-cup tea steepers or just a small pot if you're thinking of a few cups at a sitting.
Edit: This tea is hated by many people.
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
I'll ask the obvious question: Is this related at all to what is presented on social media? Some of the most broken, miserable, and neurotic people I know have quite striking social media presences. One very lovely young woman recently had all these Instagram stories of her done up in various chic outfits, including a kimono, having won some most beautiful somebody in XYZ prefecture. She's probably one of the most fragile women I've ever met and probably undiagnosed psychotic. But she has a slapping Instagram. It's a cliché to write, but social media isn't real. It's a chimera. Probably just uninstall all of it.
If the answer to question one is No, my other advice is equally maudlin: Ask yourself what you want to do or be, and then do that thing or become that person.
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
And yet there are many (or at least some) who weep at her speaking in breathless praise. I feel the same about them as I feel when I see people in not only MAGA hats, but Trump (or, formerly FJB) t-shirts, holding Trump mugs and posters and talking about how great a man he is. It's really a potentially fantastic dark comedy film, if one could avoid camp and cynicism. Which probably one couldn't.
As I understand it, social desirability bias as a theory is meant to suggest why people may respond to, say, questionnaires in ways that may make them seem in harmony with favored social norms, eg if you ask someone directly (even anonymously) how many units of alcohol do you drink per day they may round down by one or more, if they're a heavier drinker. To do otherwise would give a feeling of hedonistic depravity (disfavored) even if true. This creates considerable noise in self-reported data, and is why parallel forms (similar but not exact) questions are sometimes used within in one questionnaire (and why Cronbach's alpha is used in analysis). Surveys of this sort are very difficult to do even passably well if one wants any data close to reflective of reality.
In this case--voting--it may apply but I would argue only within one's own imagined society. In other words so-called red tribe types will vote red because their people vote red. It's arguably not about some larger percentage of the population, it's about whom you value socially. I suppose you could tell some "blue triber" that the vote is 99% Trump and argue that they will be swayed to vote Trump to stay in sync, but I'm not so sure that wouldn't be very inconsistent across a large population.
edit: of to if
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
Interesting. Thanks for being so forthright. As a straight male who has been wooed, it's not my fantasy and I'm not a fan. Just to get that out there.
I don't have much to offer, I'm afraid. Way different Weltanschauungen. Miles apart. But then perhaps I'm miles apart from many here, in different ways.
Probably IRL we could sit down and maybe I could straighten you out. Just kidding. We could have an interesting chat though, I bet.
I didn't click the embedded link. Maybe I will on my computer tomorrow.
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
Not to put too fine a point on it but are you saying that you still consider yourself a woman but wish now to be involved in a relationship with a woman? But you are "presenting as" (to use your terminology) a "regular guy" (whatever that may mean...I guess male who watches football and drinks beer?) This seems as if it should inform a great deal about your dating strategy.
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
You are MtF trans? I don't mean to get overly personal. I would suggest my advice to you a few weeks ago regarding online dating was misplaced, as I haven't the foggiest notion how the dynamics of dating a woman would be for a MtF trans person. Apologies.
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
I wonder what your definition of "remotely okay" here is. I do not have the same perspective as you at all here, and I would hardly call my current situation that of a churchgoer.
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
From the Wiki page for the film, in the Themes and Analysis section:
Themes and analysis
Critics noted that the film was a work of metafiction, designed to intentionally antagonise audiences who were fans of the first film. Rather than capitulating to expectations of the predecessor's fanbase, the film serves to rebuke those who idolized the character of the Joker after the original movie. As a deliberate anti-audience effort, the film pushes against the notion of fan service, instead creating a self-aware narrative that is a commentary on its own existence.[111][112][113][114][115] The film features off-key musical sequences that contrast with fan expectations following the original film, during one such scene Joker acknowledges, “I don’t think we’re giving the people what they want”.[111] Gaga's portrayal of Lee Quinzel can be viewed as a stand-in for audiences who were fans of the first film, with her comments about becoming obsessed with Arthur after having seen a TV movie based on his life reflecting the audience.[114][115] The finale where Arthur's crimes are trialed and he is made to seem sad and pathetic represents an effort by Phillips to subvert and undermine audiences who saw Arthur as heroic in the first film.
Admittedly this entire section could be edited differently within the hour.
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
Berberine is known to interact with other drugs, have you noticed any effects?
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
I don't perhaps need to rehash the numerous threads on the Motte discussing the mostly cons of female promiscuity. I think it's quite easy for men, particularly younger men with surging hormones, to live in appreciation of girls who behave with wanton abandon, and to forget that for women having sex has a whole different set of risks than it does for men.
Of course you are correct there are fathers who don't care; there are far too many parents who neglect their children on nearly every level, for different reasons. And there are no doubt dads who only seem to care about their daughter's promiscuity while neglecting everything else about her.
The point was not simply about one's daughter having sex, but "having sex with dozens of guys," as @Goodguy suggested. He did add the caveat "as long as she's safe while doing it" but that itself bears clarification. Safe how? By hiding her behavior from her female peers, who will inevitably judge her? By using contraception, or screening partners carefully for STIs? By ensuring somehow that the guys are upright and respectful enough of her that they won't tarnish her reputation by telling bawdy stories about her by name? By somehow verifying the guys she chooses to sleep with are not going to violate her in ways she wouldn't want because they consider acquiescence to sex a kind of carte blanche to do as they will?
This is just off the top of my head. I have only the vaguest idea what it might be like to be a woman and I don't, myself, have daughters, but I'm old enough that I've seen my friends daughters from little bitty babies to now university graduates. Many of the previously listed points are traditionally taken care of by a girl knowing a guy for longer than a night, or a few days.
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
I've never been a father
Please locate me in the world someday when you are a dad to a daughter and let's revisit this topic.
Graduated UA undergrad in 1990. The Greek system there is, depending on whom you ask, a destructive pathogen that infects nearly everyone, an indispensable generator of alumni dollars, a wild fun time, or a necessary evil. It's probably all of the above. When it maneuvers politically it is known as The Machine. There have been articles written about it in TIME.
The sorority girls have as their counterpart of course the frat boys. Houses in each (Sigma Chi was the power frat in the day; I believe it was suspended several times and maybe disbanded for some dubious activities. And in those days the really gorgeous but respectable girls were ΑΧΩ.) have their own hierarchy of clout. Freshmen Greeks drive to campus in Porsches and Mercedes and similar.
To not pledge makes you a kind of social outcast and, if you're male, in large part cuts you out of consideration for dating. There are also the GDIs, or "God Damned Independents" who make hating the Greek system an identity (we did not use the word identity like this back then, but it fits.)
This is all a very unwelcome memory, like having an LSD flashback but insert Greek letters. I was not in a fraternity so my views are through a glass darkly.
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
Maybe he wasn't being ironic. Typically "the patriarchy" isn't used around these parts unironically, but I may be misunderstanding.
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
Ok no one else is asking so I'll ask. How so? Would you care to clarify or expand on this?
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
Don't let me put words in your mouth, but I think that while what you are implying (her, whoever her is, discomfort level should not be the sole falconer guiding our flight) is reasonable, there are in fact circumstances that exist where she would be be justified in feeling discomfort. And thus justified in making a complaint. True?
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
I don't disagree. I do think your earlier characterization ("She has the opportunity to introduce a status hierarchy that benefits her [women are morally superior and intrinsically more valuable and worthy of protection and provision than men] to counteract one that doesn't [he's the boss, she's a temp]. So she does it.") is overgeneralizing. My defense here (Not all women) has the potential to become caricature, so I'll leave that there.
I also would be firmly in this woman's corner if
a) My wife were in her corner, as I trust her instincts to be pretty exactly the same as mine in these regards or
b) if the details were different, i e. he asked not just her birthday but the year of her birth, plus her number, or her cup size, or anything that is obviously past the zone of friendly (even partially flirty) office chat.
In other words claims of harassment have their place even in my world of tolerance for men being manny and a general relaxed atmosphere the preference.
As I thumb this out the high school kid on the 5:03 am train across the car from me has his head lolling back in contented slumber with his right hand unconsciously down in his pants, presumably cupping his balls. To my immediate left a guy I used to see every morning in a blue jumpsuit and a red flashlight baton tucked in his bag (i.e. not necessarily Einstein on his way to the library) has reappeared and is muttering sweet nothings to himself absent-mindedly. Two dudes are unconsciously (?) manspreading so that the aged woman who gets on halfway to my stop (we just passed that halfway point) cannot politely sit down. All this neither here nor there but I felt the need to give an account.
There are many non-Japanese around me who are far more fluent than I, and I have tagged (in my motte dossier) more than one user with the phrase "Japanese is better than yours," but even I can pick up on this, in particular when hearing non Japanese women speak Japanese like males. It can be off-putting even for me, and it takes a bit of thinking to realize why.
Note: I also hear this in Japanese women who have learned English from hanging around a bunch of American/British/or Canadian dudes. One in particular, she notably swears a lot (in English) and often when it seems uncalled for (even when for me sometimes a swear word would be natural--I realize some here, some males even, eschew harsher forms of speech as a personal rule.)
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
It's surprising because it's uncommon here, or, at least, has been in the 20 something years I've been here. Notably my wife (also female, for verification here) has never made such claims against any of her work supervisors, the vast majority of whom have been men, and with one exception straight men, and this through her prime years of attractiveness, as it were, suggesting that the kind of dynamic you imply is to-be-expected among women is possibly not as universal as you propose. None of her female colleagues have made such strategic moves either. (I might point out that my wife was a temp for a year and was hired full-time, poached from the temp agency, based on her unusual level of competence, so she has been in the shoes, as it were, of a temp worker herself.)
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
? I'm honestly perplexed. My wife thinks the man is totally innocent. Her point was that the woman is overreacting and she is questioning whether this type oversensitivity is possible if normal work is to progress
- Sorry if that wasn't clear.
George_E_Hale
insufferable blowhard
1mo ago
Thank you and thanks for the perspective. My own experiences with HR in various places (of course never in my wife's place of employment) are considerably less positive.
We are doomed.
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