Bottomless_pit_supervisor
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User ID: 3109
Bottomless_pit_supervisor
23d ago
You don't need it to live or to function. Definitely don't need it to be happy
Yet I need it for something far more important - Meaning. Pain is the proof that you're alive, as well as the price of it. I strongly hold that it's necessary to believe that joy ultimately prevails over sadness, beauty over ugliness, and so on.
I'd rather pursue the strength to bear my pains, than try to extinguish it along with myself through wire-heading praxis of ancient oriental death-cults.
Bottomless_pit_supervisor
23d ago
How is that liberating? If you don't have yourself, what do you even have?
Bottomless_pit_supervisor
27d ago
Thanks for sharing. I'm not sure how much of it I understand though.
Do you believe in God? Are you trying to believe, act as if you do, or some other variant, or do you have a firm "faith" of some kind, a feeling you didn't have before, but now do?
Bottomless_pit_supervisor
28d ago
Gaining firm footing under my feet, existentially, meta-narratively speaking
Bottomless_pit_supervisor
28d ago
When you say "this" is so very tiresome, what is the "this" you are referring to? Existence? Or the navel-gazing that you may be prone to?
Neither? Both? I want answers, a resolution, good or bad.
Bottomless_pit_supervisor
29d ago
I narrowed down the span of possibilities to roughly two options:
1.I'm a meat clockwork with a peculiar quality of being obsessed with the fact that it is a meat clockwork.
2.I'm a soul with acute awareness of the inadequacy of a merely material universe, yet unable to even confirm any that "outside" exists, let alone make any other progress
Either way, this is so very tiresome.
More generally, as I age I find I'm just getting increasingly fed up with my eccentricities, rather overcoming, integrating or getting used to them as I'd have hoped.
Can every thought, feeling, conclusion, value judgement be framed as "story"? Maybe I don't quite get what this means for you
Neither do I.
I don't want to be "happy", I don't want to be "content". I have no use for equanimity of a sheep grazing out on a sunny day. I'd rather be eternally hungry, and eternally discontent in pursuit of infinite heights. Of what is worth perceiving, understanding, possessing, enjoying. Camping on the roadside to catch my breath is good and well, but that's not where I'd like to get stuck
How would I do that without any drives and passions, without sense of frustration over not yet having it yet? When pain stands in my way, it becomes another obstacle to conquer, and here meditation and stoic techniques (in moderation) come in handy.
However, obsessing over min-maxing suffering and pleasure is just a waste of my time. Centering your ethics/metaphysics around this is a dead end. It's an animal thing to do.
It's unbecoming of me as a man. This is a betrayal of myself
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