practical_romantic
Pretending to be a cs undergrad.
User ID: 975
practical_romantic
9mo ago
The internet was a far better place 15 years ago. The accumulation of all traffic into the hands of 5 companies would lead to even more issues. I have yt premium since I am from India even though I am in chiang mai, you get it for 3 dollars a month for a family of 5 but they will surely jack up the prices here too.
practical_romantic
10mo ago
I am in Chiang Mai, finally got concerta and it was life-changing. Went to a local digital nomad meetup, I cannot drink or smoke lol so just hung out and met a few people. It was ok, I met some fun people but others were sorta not as interested in talking to me as some others were. Very interesting people though, not super successful but interesting. One ran a video editing and animation agency out of his phone and was telling me about the various women he had dated from various nations he had lived in. I also met this really really pretty Spanish girl who looked very French, unfortunately, I could not do much with that but it was quite fun lol. I do wanna meet her again, my PUA skills need some work lol.
How was your week and any suggestions? I am no longer sad or depressed. I will write up more about the effects of concerta in the Wednesday thread.
practical_romantic
10mo ago
I finally arrived in Chiang Mai and it has been a rollercoaster. I am on methylphenidate and got Concerta for the first time in my life. I popped the 5mg of methylphenidate and will pop one more at lunch but I feel very sleepy on it, very slow too, I hope concerta is different. I was going to mix the two today but will avoid it as that might fuck me up. My mental health is very very fucked up. I feel highs and lows and hope that the ADHD meds, working really hard and being accountable now that I can work will help me feel normal again. I do not want to be known as the guy who just talks and never does anything.
I had to pay 5k baht for 30 tabs of 18mg concerta btw, a hefty hefty price. Besides that, I am learning more about PCB stuff and electronic design in general. My startup works on these things and I am super new to it so in case anyone here is familiar with electronics and electrical stuff then I would love to chat with you.
I do feel a lil different here. On one hand, I miss my family, my home and the place I spent 24 years of my life in but otoh as much as I may love my family, they are toxic but not something I blame them for. My co-founder is a great guy, he started building stuff on his own and was able to earn enough to pay for uni in the US based on that and wants me to be able to learn enough about the electronic design and supply process on my own so that I can help him in building this thing.
So his expectation of me is to be able to understand basic design and sourcing guidelines so that I can at least talk to users once this is done and be able to understand what they mean. I do not need to be able to do everything from scratch and don't need to be comprehensive but need to go beyond surface-level stuff and fast.
Thailand is quite a trip. You see quite a few Westerners here who want to have a good life but at a low price point and so work jobs that pay them enough to live here. for us, it is a temporary stop as I want to get funded and move to the US based on that.
Anyway, I hope everyone does well. Have a great week folks and wish me luck, I do not want to fuck this up unlike everything else before since all I ever do is fuck up in my life. I hope to make good use of my second chance and learn fast! Godspeed!
practical_romantic
9mo ago
I had the most this entire week by literally doing nothing. All the nothing in the world. Wake up, grab coffee with other digital-nomad/traveler/expat friends, sit around the coffee shop next to the 7/11 in front of my apartment in chiang mai next to central festival and chat for hours.
I later went to the old city with that jacked middle aged Russian ex rust programmer friend d. It's insane seeing how influential Buddha has been. What's even funnier is that I'm one of the people from the same caste/lineage as him and funnily enough one of the first to revive the sacred thread. So it was surreal seeing sculptures of him wearing the sacred thread, the same one I wear. His physical descriptions match mine, alas hie had blue eyes whilst I don't.
It's so fun, just doing nothing, literally just sit around, talking, having random people drop by. I'll obviously be doing literally the opposite of this in a week or so since I'll be leaving. Past few weeks felt like I was back in high school in terms of how little worry I had about life. Partly because I knew that this was temporary stuff. My internet usage went down quite a bit where I only post stuff here and about the girls I'm meeting on reddit.
I'll probably read the mystery method and Geeta end to end this week. Chiang Mai is a nice town, you can sit in the sun here with your shirt off, something you can only do back home in the month of March. There's dragon flies around. I feel very content so just wanted to post about it.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
I'm spending the weekend in shekhawati, it's a region in north rajasthan settled by my ancestors. My family is that of feudal lords though unfortunately our fort and other properties are under judicial watch due to fake court cases. Still, I'm finally visiting my motherland, a place literally named after my people who fought and won it from the evil tyrants before them. I'm staying at the hotel of fellow shekhwat feudal lords as they run a fund to help the underprivileged kids of our caste attain education. My family has been living in Jaipur for the past 4 generations.
I've never had a weekend getaway so it's quite fun, the heritage homes here are cool and most importantly, I have enjoyed it so far. Besides this I'll be watching the fights this weekend, I watch if or bellator whenever I can though it's a weak fight night card. I do wish to start training again but not sure.
The place I'm in also houses a temple remembering all the women who committed sati, I don't like the practise at all but can't speak ill of women who did it. I'm glad that the place we settled exists, not as glorious as it was before democracy, still, it's there.
Finally, I'm completely over that chick, it's been 4 years and I just don't care as much, life goes on and so should I. I won't get the 4 years back but I'll love my life like a normal person now. I'm really happy that the mods here didn't ban me for talking about her 😅.
I do look forward to hear, till then I'll be out exploring the semi arid wasteland that my forefathers built into something worthwhile. I'm really happy, life's good. I'm usually morose though I feel great. In the motherland with great weather (35 degrees is ideal imo). Ciao 🌞
tl;dr - Went to Pai, did drugs, met a girl, didn't have sex, and I think I really like her.
I've been in Chiang Mai for over a month to work on a startup. My co-founder and I decided to pursue separate aspects of the business, with me focusing on code generation and broader AI stuff. I won't divulge more until I have something concrete to show. This left me with some free time, so I started visiting nightclubs to improve my PUA skills. While I didn't pull any girls, I made some progress.
I met this guy from my hometown in India who, in hindsight, was a total creep and loser. He suggested I go to Pai for more parties. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, so I was hesitant, but my co-founder convinced me. I planned to stay for a day but ended up staying for six.
In Pai, I made some great friends. There was Alessio, a 35-year-old Italian songwriter traveling for seven months, and Dario, a Spanish guy a year younger than me who loves partying. I approached many girls, tried shrooms, and even had girls come back to my place. In the midst of this, I met a girl who changed everything.
She's my age, owns a house, and works as a programmer specializing in RPA. She's around 5'9 and in great shape. People who know me might remember my 2021 March incident, where a girl I was obsessed with ended up with other guys. Up until last week, I was still hung up on her, but this British girl changed that.
My Italian friend said hi to one of her friends at a pizza shop, and I started chatting with her other friends in the kitchen, where I first met her. We bumped into each other many times on Walking Street and later at a bar. She told me she wanted to shag me at first but changed her mind after I opened my mouth, saying I was too much of an asshole and trying too hard. I left, and she started making out with another guy. I went to another place, and she ended up there too, dancing with me.
At one point, she sat on my face while I was sitting on the bleachers. I made some jokes about mutual oral sex, and she stopped, saying it wasn't happening. I left and later told her to fuck herself when I saw her again.
I saw her the next day but didn't say a word. The day after, we exchanged glances, and I went on my first-ever date. We kissed goodbye as she had a flight the next morning, while I stayed for two more days.
I fucked up. I should have eaten her out when she asked, and we would have had sex. I've never been teased this much by a girl. I want to meet her again. She's in the south of Thailand until the 24th, and if she still wants to fuck me, I'll take the first flight to meet her. I won't make the same mistake as last time. It might seem beta, but I like her. She comes from a humble background and has made a good life for herself. She seemed genuinely happy, and I hope to meet her soon and spend the night with her.
My friends convinced me that if she's into me, it's worth a shot. Maybe she could even be a co-founder since she's good at coding.
Back to Pai
I did drugs in Pai - acid, shrooms, cannabis edibles, nitrous oxide, and even liquor. This was the most fun week of my life. We'd wake up late, explore the beautiful mountains, visit nearby scenic spots, and then get fucked up. One night, I did shrooms with some girls and blacked out, convinced they were going to molest me when we left my room. I had earlier spoken with a German guy about how he would have to leave me back to where I live if I got fucked up. He was making out with this girl, saw me sitting in a balled-up position, and helped me get back home with the girl helping me out too.
I had a guy help me get water at 5 am only for him to later tell me that he passed out next to the river. Or the time we rode scooters to the waterfall where I was high sitting behind my friends, or the time I helped Alessio walk back to his place while we both could barely walk from the edibles in the rain. It felt like something out of a video game.
I have so many stories to tell. I feel happy, after many years, I finally felt happy for more than a few hours. It's more than what I deserved frankly. I left and bumped into these Norwegian girls who did a bar crawl. Overall, I am happy, I hope you guys are too.
I want to visit Pai again, maybe in the future once my startup stuff pans out, perhaps I can convince some of the friends I made there to travel once again. I feel a warm glow even describing the things I did there. This was the first time in my life where I traveled alone and did drugs. Pai is magical. Cheap, clean, small, safe, only tourists all around you, mountains all around you.
See ya folks later.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
Dune Part 2 was the last movie I saw in theatres and cannot recommend it enough. It is similar to LOTR in the sense that it is able to showcase a lot of loyalty to one's aristocracy or ruling clans in a way that all people can relate to. The movie is majestic, grand, an epic in the real sense. I loved Javier Bardem the most and recommend everyone to go watch it.
I will be listening to a lot of house and trance music from the 2010s, not super mainstream stuff but rather somewhat mainstream so Anjunabeats and all. As a teenager, I did not like my classmates at all so I spent a lot of time listening to dance music and back then my attention was not as fucked. I remember listening to Aviciis BBC Radio 1 essential mix, seeing Swedish house mafia disband (in hindsight their music was not even good) and overall got to hear a ton of really good tracks. Listening to music in your room is a relaxing affair, I intend to do it this weekend.
I was also at a wedding a few weeks ago where me and a guy I met there downed more than a bottle of tequila in under 6 hours with zero side effects so it is a great liquor lol. I was at quite a few weddings every weekend with two being those of my cousins, danced a lot at the second one and honestly, I really like dancing now, I get why people visit nightclubs, besides the part about meeting other attractive people. not much besides, my startup journey is far more complex than I thought it would be, making my uni issues seem inconsequential but I am positive. I am still depressed like today I saw my former oneitis (now a functioning cokehead) in my dreams taunting me about the amount of drugs and dudes shes been with since I stopped talking to her but I will be fine, I'm reading Eguenge Gendlins focusing and hopefully, that should aid me.
Have a great weekend folks, I wish I could post more and I plan to soon. themotte honestly played a much larger part in shaping my worldview than my uni mates since I got here in 2019 as a high school drop out and I find it wild that it has been half a decade. I hope this place does not die off.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
Not at all. Far right is the return of a rajput monarchy which is not happening. The government has schemes that pay you liquid cash for marrying a person of a higher caste or filing a complaint against hem (look up the sc st act).
Anyone who thinks that India is "far right" is clueless. The country is conservative because of poverty and even that is changing ultra fast.
practical_romantic
9mo ago
I will leave Chiang Mai this or next week and I am a little bittersweet about it. I have been sorta working in startups for close to a year without any progress and will go back home and work on a prototype for a tool for developers. This will be the first time in my life that I will be working without direct supervision and get an apartment in a different, smaller town, away from my parents if I can. My role in my previous startups was non-technical and that was not as helpful. My responsibilities were not fixed plus I did not develop any skills as a programmer at all. My depressive episodes and malaise stem from a lack of skills, routine and clear path towards something meaningful. There is not much point staying in Chiang Mai on my roommate's dime since I do not have a job, I came to assist him on his startup but we both fell out. I will help out my friends with their e-commerce venture (they have this alongside startup stuff) part-time to get a regular income and then work on my own on my startup.
In hindsight, I should have just started working on my own thing a year ago. Being a janitor in a startup where the speed of shipping is not very fast is not ideal and I am a little scared about posting this stuff online but I just want to let this stuff out for once. But that is what I was, a janitor.
Chiang Mai was good. My first time ever out of the nation. I met some really cool people. This jacked middle-aged Russian dude named D who worked as a programmer and read a whole bunch of classic literature. He clicked very well with me and in broken English would tell me a whole lot about life. His analysis of me being someone who needs a strict routine and some meaning in my life to work on more, and how I try to "sell" myself to others in attempts to get them to like me instead of being who I am more freely. I met guys like this dutch ex party head who now runs e-commerce in Africa, a Russian girl who works for a gambling organisation, and a rich Thai guy who abused every drug known to mankind and now has black feet from it.
Pieter Levels, the most popular digital nomad often recalls his early days nomading, stating that he'd meet super interesting people, like this one Aussie guy who would travel to Thailand with just his laptop and charger, buy clothes when he would touch down and donate them all before he left. D of all people left a big impact on me, making me start working out again and how daily callisthenics is enough, and more importantly, how daily physical exercise is more important for the mind more than anything else. I saw this movie named The Island, a Russian movie about regret and of all I would miss him the most.
I have not had irl friends since 2016 in a sense. I would have close friends on the internet and meet them occasionally but never irl friends who I meet daily without scheduling meetups, organically and learn a lot from. I dont want to leave chiang mai but I am at this point a burden on my roommate, and even if I were not, I would have had to return anyway to get a hang of the e-commerce stuff and learn some cs topics to help with my startup. Leaving is bittersweet. I actually had fun. I actually liked hanging out with people after a while. Learning about literature, music, movies and just life in Eastern Bloc and so much more. Back home, people would find my tendency to say hi to everyone and try to talk to them a weird low status thing whereas the expats here are happy to talk. They all have a story to tell. Sure they are not world beaters but neither is anyone I know of, more importantly, there is more to life than just what you do. People around me have this faux superiority complex where everyone is looked down upon unless they are like fucking silicon valley billionaires or conquerors like Alexander but if you are someone who is that good, you probably would be fine talking to most people since everyone is below you in the hierarchy anyway.
Truth is, I liked meeting good people irl. People who like me for being who I am. I was a hermit for a decade, yeah I would visit uni and stuff but I never could connect with anyone since people in uni hated me for a lot of petty reasons. Most nomads are not perfect and I don't want to be one long term but I wish I met more of them. I finally felt feelings for a girl, tried a bunch of narcotics, finally partied like a normal person and got to experience life beyond what a guy my age experiences in a small town. I hated Chiang Mai when I landed and my roommate would get angry whenever I would say hi to random people but since I stopped working with him on his startup, I have been able to take time off, make friends who I connect with and finally take an adult vacation for the first time in my life, ever. Up until this point, I had never explicitly taken any days off. They would mostly be me having some anxiety in the back of my mind whilst not getting any work done but for the first time in years, I finally took a week off completely and loved every single second of it. I kept posting about wanting to meet girls and got to cold approach nearly a hundred girls, all attractive tourists from various nations. My oneitis which I could not get over for years became an afterthought a few days into a normal vacation spot. Most of what I knew about girls came from the internet or from stuff others told me but I had never experienced what talking to them was like beyond my small town and it was amazing. Rajasthan or any city in India does not display what life holds, it is all little leagues and scarcity. Despite being somewhat better looking than the average guy from where I am from, I had loads of girls tell me that they found me attractive and wished to spend more time with me. I had guys come up to me and tell me that they liked hanging out with me a lot in a non homo way lol.
I look forward to the next few months. Finally on my own and doing something really hard, I will resume weekly updates so that I can have accountability. My skills as a programmer are at best noob tier and the idea I am working on is itself based on a strong hunch a good wise friend of mine had who himself wished to work on it before, 2 years ago but could not due to tech not being good enough which it is now. I am sorry for writing these long winding posts but I have no one else to talk to about this stuff. My friends will judge me for writing about them online and I cannot be weak in front of my parents who already have gone through a lot.
Things I experienced are not unique or special. By my own faults and laziness, I fucked my life up where I got to be this manchild by age 24
I was pleasantly surprised recently. I was holding my phone in my hand, looking at something and my ma put her hand around my upper arm as I was walking her back to the car outside the gate, she was quite happy to notice some muscle mass on my frame, to the point where she could feel some bicep lol. She instantly said that she was happy as her perception of me was that of a thin guy who was somewhere between a man and a woman lol.
I have been going for nearly 4 months now, and have not seen noticeable changes at all but I will keep going forever and dial in things as I go instead of stopping and restarting. My vests (the stuff jockey makes) don't fit me since I likely gained some mass around my chest and back. The shirts still fit but a little tighter. Long way to go, dialing in my sleep, diet and meditation would help a lot but I will keep going even when they are less than ideal.
Have a fun week!
ps do lemme know if anyone here is good with focusing, the thing Eugene Gendlin worked on.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
I miss the past a lot at times. My time as a startup founder has been brutal, we are figuring out ways to make high revenue and I am still a hermit living with my parents because of how transitional things are right now so that we save money. However on days when I work really hard, I feel peace. It is just that I always feel that life was better back then, in some made-up revisionist timeline that does not exist. My family saw an exponential rise in their standard of living these past 20 years (I am 23) and I keep wishing to go back to being a kid or be a teenager even though I know that life was objectively way worse. I have agency to make an impact on the world, make money, make good friends, learn things I could not have conceived of, meet women and whatnot but I still feel uneasy for some reason. It has gotten to the point where I think about vacations when I work and think of work on my vacations and can never be in the present moment.
The guy who is teaching me inner work and meditation recommended a combination of focusing (the book and practice by Eugene Gendlin) and meditation alongside abstinence from screens and more consistent work and sleep hours but I still feel like I am somehow stuck in mud mentally and never good enough or that if my startup fails, I am fucked for life and since I already am low, that possibility is an inevitability. It is a downward spiral I wish to avoid. I wish to live life going forwards, not backwards, perhaps I should learn to ignore my thoughts if after doing all that he recommends and making headway into my startup does not change my outlook. Would appreciate any tips on this.
Also, I have been regular to the gym for three straight months now, I am not doing the HIT/Isometric stuff but visit the gym 3x a week and do 3 sets for like 7 different lifts, I copped my program from this French guy named Natural Hypertrophy from youtube and have seen zerminimal changes even though I have added weight to all my lifts. Might be because I only get 6 hours of sleep each night and I am skinny fat (75kgs/165lbs at 6 foot/182cm, started eating like a pig and sleeping badly since last year) but regardless, I will stick to this for a year. I dunno if I can add MMA too because of time constraints. I just wish to not look terrible for once. I don't fit into my small-sized vests as well as I did and my arms have minimal definition but that is not encouraging at all. My calories are the same since I do not wish to go to 30 per cent bodyfat.
Have a great week folks!
practical_romantic
1yr ago
I smoked weed after so many months and threw up like crazy so that was not fun. Will watch the fights this weekend, I reckon Jiri Prochazka will lose. His style is built on him being a physical freak, lacking any sort of brains or finesse needed to win fights.
My work now requires me to grow a tiktok account, I will be posting daily tiktoks about the origin of the English language. I read the Cambridge Encyclopedia for the English language a while back. That made me want to post this stuff since the stories behind our words are inherently fascinating.
I do miss my parents, startups are brutal, and a small part of me is always worried that I will have no future if this fails but I need firm belief in myself, my team and what we are building. NVIDIAs founder once said something along the lines of how he would not have started NVIDIA if he knew how difficult it would be. Paul Graham spoke about how his startup was about to go under right before they sold it and how getting his dental cavities fixed felt like being on a vacation, still, I know things will turn out well. Have a great week ahead folks!
it is my paternal grandfather's 91st birthday today so we are throwing a small event where some of his close friends are invited for dinner and drinks. I lost my grandmother at the age of 4 so I am quite close to him. Like most families here, he lives with us so I look forward to hosting some of his friends.
My aunts and their husbands are here too, I remember us throwing a more large-scale get-together 10-15 years ago on the same date and I have fond memories of that time. I was in middle school, no worries, I saw the perks of being a wallflower and pulp fiction in the same day after having played holi with my cousins and we went out and stuff. The next day our house was lit up since some movie people wanted to shoot here. Really fond memories, I am glad I got to experience that stuff.
Apart from this, I will be rewatching Heat, I like Michael Mann, loved Miami Vice (the movie). I have not seen the TV show but I might. I will also start with three body problem, I saw videos of it on quinns ideas, a YouTube channel and have been fascinated by it since so hope that is good.
Wish you guys a very happy weekend. p.s. I was trending on indian reddit yesterday lol so that was fun. Best part was girls begrudgingly saying that they found me attractive despite me being shown ina bad light for calling someone a pajeet.
practical_romantic
9mo ago
The main diety for my clan is a female goddess who is the divine mother.
I never noticed it came off like this, I used to be too much of a wuss so maybe I overcompensated here.
practical_romantic
9mo ago
Just based on your posts today, I might avoid the trap of thinking any sort of sexual interaction seals the deal in terms of affection--it doesn't. In fact it isn't a measure of much at all, in and of itself. The everything that comes before and after are much more relevant.
This is something I fear, I finally liked a girl for real after a while and there is a very high chance that she will not like me back or it wont work out. I really want it to. It seems cheesy and something out of the movies to rush to meet some girl I have not even slept with hoping that she will like me. She finds me sexually attractive but I think that I am extremely unattractive so I do have some issues there as well.
I've read you using PUA terms and having a very casual terminology regarding women ("oneitis" etc.) and this gives me considerable pause. Women/a woman is not the answer to all of your problems, nor is doing a bunch of drugs. This may already be clear to you, of course.
Oneitis is a fairly benign term. You are correct in pointing out how women are not the answer to all my problems. I fear that I look at them as a crutch so that I can avoid solving actual active problems that are harder to tackle. I have a constant ever-present fear that I am not smart/hardworking enough to ever amount to anything at all. The only ways around this would be actually doing things well (startup stuff in my case), working on my past trauma through some modality and learning to manage my issues more actively.
This may already be clear to you, of course.
In ways but constructive feedback helps me a lot.
Yeah, please do tell me what I did wrong. I am being completely sincere in this since she was dragging me to eat her out.
I was wrong hence the question.
practical_romantic
10mo ago
I will leave for Chiang Mai this Monday instead of last Sunday since my co-founder fell sick. I am still a ball of anxiety and feel that I am room temperature IQ, but it is what it is. I will carry some books and watch PCB design lectures on the flight.
My Sunday was spent in Delhi. One of my relative’s wives has stage 4 cancer, and it was heartbreaking to see her condition and how her family felt. The economic impacts are very severe too. I was there for about 10 hours, spent some time in the hospital, and then with a friend.
Recently, I saw some videos on the YouTube channel Academy of Ideas. I want to try a meditation retreat or live alone without social interactions or texting, as Carl Jung did for a few days in Bollingen Tower. Being on screens and constantly communicating with people is very draining. I mostly use social media for sex and fear of missing out, but I honestly think I would find a retreat fun.
On a positive note, I read a post by Scott Alexander about ADHD. It turns out my issues are real, and many find help in methamphetamines, with Desoxyn being the name of the pill.
I also watched the fights last weekend. Allen and Aspinall are great talents.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
You are a great person for doing this. My grandad is 91 now and still works but has issues (hearing, digestion, bp, heart, gout,cannot walk properly, cant use any tech, can get annoyed at times, moody etc etc). It is super difficult to deal with ageing people. My grandad actually wanted to die far earlier but he felt that being productive in his later life would help my family out financially even though my dad and mom outearn him by a lot. He just continued to want to live because of us, his grandsons.
It gets worse, invariably you get to points where elders need surgeries or medical procedures that require people to assist them with daily tasks. Having good insurance might help (I am not in the US so cant comment.). If possible, help her find something to do, a hobby of sorts. My grandad and grandmom (maternal, she lives with my ma's brothers) are alive and somewhat happy because they have a bunch of things they do regularly and have a lot of family around always. If your husband has any siblings or nieces and nephews, having them over sometimes is a good idea but her getting a hobby would help her a lot.
My parents deal with trips by having my dad's sisters come stay in our house when we are away as you cannot leave an elderly person alone. My dad at times would even ask his friends to stay over sometimes, the ones he trusted since we do not go out a lot. My family has always had full-time house help who stay with us and it is a difficult task to deal with the elderly even with them around.
Again, I commend you for doing what you are doing. Please take care of yourself too.
Me since age 16, I am 23 now, co-founder of a startup and I am stuck in my room all day. I want to move back to Gurugram where I can occasionally visit nightclubs but even that feels futile, I feel empty when not working and that makes me less likely to work, its a vicious feedback loop. Everything feels empty, I never have enough energy to work and cannot feel happy whenever I am back in my hometown.
Even going to nightclubs is now hard since I recently discovered what STDs are and feel bad. It is a strange phenomenon, I would greatly appreciate if anyone had any advice on how to feel fulfilled when working on a long-term goal or being an adult, is it just meditation or what?
practical_romantic
1yr ago
He's just too old at this point. I liked his old music because it was funny and relatable since he was in his early 20s. Hasn't been the same since for me at least.
- Is there a point in your 20s when you are forced to move out because of constant bickering by your parents?
My mother has constantly been angry and aggressive since her menopause last year. I do not like shit tests coming from my mother, not the kind where the only solution is not talking to her. My dad has an incredibly short temper and would berate me for flunking high school (I still cleared the nationwide entrance tests and high school exams with literally perfect grades, being featured in the newspapers because of it). Every day he would scream at me for having flunked exams and this went on for at least 2 years until I started uni. I have to bear it from both my parents now who expect me to have a stable income while building something of my own. To them, the perfect life is of a bugman code coolie. I may have fucked up but I still went to uni without having to stay back a class. Some here would remember my posts in 2019 about trying to transfer over to the US and how my family actively sabotaged it, now whenever news of a kid getting a scholarship to some big-name uni comes up, my mom talks about it loudly as to call me a loser, even though I had zero money to even write exams, forget about hiring consultants like other kids who go out do here. Then after I argued about it, she told me that I would have failed and I got what I deserved.
I love my family, they have sacrificed everything they could have to raise me and my sibling but they are overprotective and abusive to the point where I do not wish to share a roof with them ever again. Calling me a has-been failure at age 23 (will be 24 this July) is not fun. My family suffered a lot due to bullshit court cases resulting in the loss of most of our ancestral land to legal limbo which my family sunk a lot of money into. I get why they feel the way they do yet they cannot change at this point, I should leave soon. I have not told them when I am leaving, the ticket is for June 3rd, and I want to leave without telling them about it. Have never travelled in my life since they have always been overprotective.
The shit tests are fairly constant. I started working out more seriously and saw my clothes shrink a little. I did gain some inches on my waist by forced overeating from MMA but my ma just keeps calling me fat, telling me that I am going to be fat whilst herself being really obese. Everyone in my family is overweight except me and she somehow always calls me fat whenever the topic of my clothes comes up.
- Part-time nanny
My grandad is 91 and his room is in the section of the house where my study is so I am constantly being asked to run errands, pointless ones, it fucks my work up since I have to constantly start over and over again. Even worse is that my parents don't let me sleep because my work hours are late and they wake me up at 9 am so I average 5 hours of sleep a night. Any disagreement results in them screaming at me again and telling me that I will fail at my startup too. At this point, they are more convinced of me being a failure than anyone else I know of. Not saying that they want me to but this behaviour has always been a constant in my life. The only metric that mattered ever was fucking stupid exams, that produce their tier code coolies for the West which is what universities in my nation are in all honesty.
- Start-up woes and relocation
I will be leaving for the large metropolis this Monday to meet with my cofounders and start serious work on my startup. One is based there and makes a good living doing a bunch of programming stuff and the other is a child prodigy of sorts who has many job offers whilst studying as an undergrad in the US. The one living there has a large apartment so we will be working out of it until we get our service apartments 5 minutes from his place, still using his home office as our primary workplace. I am the non-tech guy here for now since we need a lot of front-end and back-end infra up and running so I will have to take care of marketing, sales, hiring, communication etc and I am worried that I might get kicked out or the startup may fail. I have never had anything good happen to me over a long time and I feel quite scared.
I will keep writing more ML code, meditating and figuring out how focusing works properly since my work hours will be gruelling. I am just tired, I have no one to share any of this with, I could not share my feelings with my family earlier which is why I started posting here and now I can never share how I feel about anything with them or anyone. For now, I feel alone, with no safety nets.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
The movie is most likely made by Pakistanis or Bangladeshis or the Sikhs. The three despise Hindus (upper ones) in particular and feel that they are above the slur pajeet despite all having worse per capita GDP and other issues. India is not for beginners but Pakistan and Bangladesh are worse and khalistan is a pipe dream that is about as realistic as lighting striking me thirty times in the next 10 seconds.
These things are very common on Twitter, people have such infighting to prove that they are better than each other (groups I mean). The writer of the movie is most likely a pajeet, just not a Hindu pajeet but a pajeet nonetheless since people of European origin do not care enough about the subcontinent to spend so much time and have a refined sense of racist humour.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
Things I did for fun this past week - GTA Vice City (with the Extended mod), Franchise Cricket, Fights, below is my description of these three.
I played a ton of GTA Vice City extended. It's called extended due to the game-altering mod that updates the graphics, adds a ton of gameplay tweaks etc and I do not like it. I play the game and feel that it is mundane and I should be working instead. Regardless I still liked it more than surfing Instagram. I played Vice City for the first time as a 5 year old and 19 years later, I can finally grasp the story and how overly sexual it is lol. The game back then was a breath of fresh air on fat monitors where you could live out all your vile fantasies of violence and vehicle-based activities in Miami straight out of Miami Vice.
The game's protagonist is Tommy Vercetti who spent 15 years in Jail for his mafia family. Upon getting out, he is sent from the North to Florida for a drug deal that goes wrong and in order to repay back his family, he starts making money with local druglords, to the point where he takes over. It has a star cast featuring Tim Burton, Trejo, even people from Miami Vice. The game is no doubt primitive 22 years after its release though still quite fun.
Miami and the amazing radio that you listen to in the game are two really really important things. They make it come alive, the tune still hold up and Miami is one place I want to visit once my startup fetches me some money. The neon lights, girls in bikinis, tropical weather and distinct architecture with a ton of water in a North American metropolis sounds fucking amazing. That place must be super fucking fun if you have a little money lol.
The other source of my daily entertainment has also started feeling a little drab. You have franchise cricket in the summer, so clubs based out of cities similar to how sports are done in North America. My grandad watches it every day so I watch parts of it daily with him. My hometown's team did qualify for the playoffs despite losing like 4-5 in a row recently, though I am quite neutral about cricket, still a good way to kill time.
This weekend, Tommy Fury fights Usyk, IMO usyk wins a decision given Fury is probably washed now. I won't watch MMA this weekend since I just don't feel like it. The other day I realised that I had been watching MMA for over 8 years and have only learnt it for a few months so feel a sense of dread watching it as I could have actually acquired the skills I see on TV somewhat had I trained all that time instead of just watching fights and checking news or betting lines and analysis of various fights. That kinda attention should only go to ones day job or some serious hobby.
Spending time with these activities also made me want to go back to reading books again. Things I read for fun somehow ended up influencing me in a good way. I like the person I am when I read instead of when I am up till 3 am flying an RC helicopter for a game mission or looking at different betting odds for MMA. I have been wanting to read Faust and Ramayana, started both but left them for god knows what reason.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
Spot on. Plus they had a vibe that you do not see now. Games were not as formulaic as they are today. Wolfenstein, Doom, Deus ex, Gohtic 2, the GTA franchise, they all seem fresh. Even the assassins creed was great till ac brotherhood. I do not like new games at all. Too woke and predatory with zero creativity.
it is not a rising power. It has 70 plus percent affirmative action and rising acts like the SC ST act. You have governments paying people if they marry someone of a more backward caste and the state policy has reduced land holdings to nothing.
Temples are taxed, barely ever under the control of the priest but rather run by the state. History is being mangled to suit the current leaderships far left idea of the world by eliminating any trace of the Aryan Invasion theory.
India is not improving, it has offloaded its best minds to the rest of the world already, the only two Indian fields medlaists are people not even born here and the only surviving Nobel prize winner in the sciences had to leave early in life because of such policies. Sure we are not haiti but we are closer to haiti than we are to Greece in most aspects.
It hurts to see the land my ancestors built turn into a playground for savagery where women are not safe. As for punjabis leaving, a good amount want a separate state called khaistan which is why nijjar was shot dead there. They were never able to establish a stable kingdom and never will do it which is why the cope is off the charts.
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