Skulldrinker
No bio...
User ID: 1874
Skulldrinker
24d ago
apparently these days lone people are under suspicion and only groups are "safe." I Only Wanted One Thing, or something. Never mind that Bob-cut was probably after new-years nookie. My best understanding of this is it was White Knight behavior.
Skulldrinker
24d ago
In retrospect, the biggest "win" of DOGE was cutting off some of the federal funding that was paying the salaries of ideologues and activists.
Skulldrinker
24d ago
I assume she was convinced I was up to no good, as an unattended male.
I was new to the city and was at the event precisely because I hadn't made friends yet.
I've been specifically trying to to be more outgoing lately, I just keep getting anxious flashbacks to shit from almost a decade ago.
Skulldrinker
25d ago
I've been reflecting lately on how downright unhelpful and unpleasant my experiences with dating/flirting/sex were earlier in my life, and what a weight around my neck the still are. In my previous life, there was no such thing as flirting, women were just "being friendly," and would curl their lip and give you a glare if you let slip that they'd been socializing with someone heterosexual by doing something so crass as asking for a phone number. "Ewwww, a man is speaking to me, make it go away" was what happened if you spoke before being spoken to. The attitudes of the women I knew socially bounced between "Just talk to people silly, it's not that hard, you're so nice," "chuh, why do you feel the need to not be alone, there's something wrong with you," and "Fourteen out of twelve women will be sexually assaulted by eyeball-contact at frat parties by niceguys before they even get a job that pays them 70 cents on the dollar compared to a man."
I once had a woman approach me at a new years party at a bar (small, bob cut, I can still remember the contours of her shoulderblades), something about trying to find her friend, but the friend never got mentioned again. We got another drink, she asked to dance once she got back from the bathroom. While she was in the bathroom and I was holding her drink, a fat redhead got in my face, demanding to know who I was, who I was here with, if I even knew her (bob cut's) name. I was taken aback, said her name is [name], I'm holding her drink for her, then we're going to dance, oh, there she is now, bye. BobCut came out of the bathroom, didn't acknowledge fat redhead, took her drink and my hand, and dragged me out onto the dance floor. It was 11:50pm. At 11:56pm, security appears and separates us, the fat redhead is screaming in my face demanding to know who I'm with, a security guy is asking the same questions while she screams at me. Bob cut is nowhere to be found (probably being given a foil trauma blanket while still trying to figure out what happened), no I'm not allowed to speak to bob cut, no I'm not being kicked out, no I can't speak to bob cut, who am I here with, no, bob cut doesn't count, no I'm not being kicked out, who am I here with. I'm getting increasingly frustrated, I'm not particularly sober, fat redhead is still in my face, her head jerking around on her flabby neck like some kind of righteously affronted parrot. I can sense a blowup looming, the front door is conveniently nearby, and the future of me doing the new years countdown and making out with someone has evaporated. I leave, and I ring in the new year of 2017 walking down the snow-dusted sidewalk of Milwaukee, cursing my awkwardness and cowardice.
The bar was a nerd/geek/gamer pub, of course. Nowhere else would the act of a man dancing with a woman be treated as some sort of crisis in need of calling security. I never ran into either of them again, the pub itself closed shortly thereafter. Since then, every time a woman flirts with me unprompted in a social setting, I go into a quiet panic and look over my shoulder for whatever third party will arbitrarily decide I am not worthy of happiness or love.
My point is that I keep failing to get phone numbers or contact info, or I collect contact info and do nothing with it, even when women are blatantly eye-fucking me, because I still have the lingering trauma of living in 2010s geek culture. And I still run into snippets of it every now and then, but with a current-year leftist flavor. (I've been in conversations where women will make some reddit-y crack along the lines of "straight white men, amirite?" but turn out later to have been into me, scrabbling for contact info or a kiss as I try to politely take the hint and leave.)
I just want to go for a stroll in the park with someone and bang them later, then do that again with the same person for the foreseeable future. And I hate that the world and I both conspire to make that much more difficult than it should be.
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
Why is /r/twoXchromosomes not a banned hate subreddit? The comments there are demented, and also uncomfortably familiar from my IRL encounters with Leftists.
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
apps are for meeting people
No one actually turns up for dates, though. They always mysteriously get sick or suffer personal life disasters like epilepsy or dead grandmothers and have to cancel. Or just unmatch the day of the date.
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
This isn't on an app.
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
This was an actual in-person connection, otherwise I'd consider anything sexual a massive-er red flag.
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
I picked it up from Anansi Boys, as it happens.
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
It's not a weird expectation, I'm just annoyed that sexual anxieties are coming up, when she's the one who's making things sexual in the first place. It seems like a self-own on her part.
I'm just sick of women laying it on way thicker than they need to, and it turning out to not have meant anything all along. Whereas I have to constantly hide or downplay my genuine interest in people.
I'm also way over-exposed to prog/leftist/SJW sexual mores, where all women apparently live in such overwhelming fear of sexual assault, I'm surprised they ever leave the house, much less try to bilk men for attention.
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
...does canoodling mean something other than what I think it means?
This chick is talking about sexual preferences and how handsome I am and the sorts of shit she gets up to, yet I'm scary for talking about sitting next to eachother with our heads together chatting?
Several times now, I've had text conversations with women where they seem to scare themselves off.
One kept pushing me to ask her sexual compatibility questions, which I answered as delicately and dryly as I could. She'd rave excessively about how attractive I was and how she's looking forward to seeing me again (we met once, briefly, and she tracked me down on social). Since I know it's a bad idea to build up a date this much and set sexual implications, I complemented her back but kept it light and fun.
Then the day of the date, suddenly a co-worker got fired and she has to work a double. Also "You're not expecting sex for this meeting, are you?" Well no, I was not, despite everything you've said being suggestive of that, because I was going to take it slow. I reply "Light canoodling at most." There's mutual availability tuesday, and thursday, but she suggests thursday, mentioning "she'd like more planning, usually." Now I haven't heard anything from her since.
Before this, the shape of the exact same thing happened. She started talking as though she was already assuming we'd be in a relationship with her "adding spice to my life and shaking things up." This is way, WAY more than I'd typically send when I haven't even met someone in person, it assumes too much. Then suddenly she was astronomically ill from "allergies," which continued for several days, her apparently being home from work, yet replying less than when she was at work, until I stopped texting.
I want people to turn up for an in-person date. I very carefully don't say things that create too much pressure or assume things about compatibility, because it comes off as pressuring and dishonest ("OMG I'm so into you" ...we haven't actually met yet, miss, maybe save that for after the first date). But then they themselves do that exact thing, bail the day before.
Fucking everything I do is tiptoeing around not triggering anyone's anxiety so as not to be treated as a threat, then they trigger their OWN anxieties, treat me like a threat, and presumably pat themselves on the back for having spotted a manipulative predator who was Only After One Thing.
What the fuck is going on here?
When I interact with someone in real life, I get really confused and anxious whenever they start praising me. Then they get confused as to why. This is why. Because whenever someone gives me unprompted compliments or raves about me, they swiftly ditch me, which is why I don't believe what anyone says anymore.
Edit: we made plans on Monday for Wednesday, I was ghosted on Tuesday.
This was not online dating, btw.
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
I've fed prose I've already written into it to make refinements or check for quality. I just wish you could get it to stop glazing everything put in front of it.
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
I've noticed that all the "real" AI/robot characters in fiction very explicitly DON'T talk like LLMs or clippy. They use fewer words, not more, and come off as cryptic, sarcastic, or earnest. "Johnny5 alive!" "I am not a gun." "I know now why you cry." "Just something from a movie I like." "I'm coming with you too. Cassian said I had to."
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
I used AI to refine a work of fiction and found it almost incapable of suggesting anything good; it's very much a rubber duck programming tool. I also struggled to get it to not wax soy-poetic about every passage. the phrases "Earned," "Chef's Kiss," "and that's why it matters" now fill me with rage.
Skulldrinker
2mo ago
What he's doing entirely makes sense if you're spergy and see bio-essentialism as at least an element of your identity.
I have infinite money, I'm going to self-actualize in every dimension an organism can, crawling up the hierarchy of needs to realms un-dreamt by the neurotypical. You might not like it, but this is what peak winning looks like. Also, if I do this, maybe my genes will shut the fuck up and I can definitively move on to making robots, going to space, and dunking on the normies.
Note that his actual relationships have been with hot weirdos like Grimes.
Musk is a Player-Character. Worshipping him is cringe, but so is hating him because it's flavor of the month, doing either makes you definitionally an NPC in the original sense. I remember when he was a fucking darling of the Left just because of braindead EV-boosting.
Cult compound is a bit much, though.
I used to treasure /tg/ as a creative outlet and source of inspiration. Putting a fresh idea on there got people riffing, shitting-on, and yes-and-ing it for days, in retrospect it was like an LLM with a quirky, rotten, beautiful soul instead of hollow obsequiousness. Made a setting with their help, my content is still on 2d4chan to this day. Ran a quest I never finished. I kept going back to poke the dead cat, hoping it will get up again, but it just posts empty engagement-farming threads.
I was in the middle of refining a short story that really only works in the context of /tg/'s board culture. My feedback on the first draft amounted to "This feels like 2012 again. What happened to us?"
Skulldrinker
3mo ago
They criticize them abstractly but go all gooey when a specific one is in front of them.
Skulldrinker
3mo ago
I was going to ask a related question:
How much of the market drop and the apparent crisis(es) are the result of negative media coverage? Anything and everything the administration does is seen as a violation of something or other.
"News Today: Fascist still in White House doing things, when will the carnage end? Breaking Update: during a vital meeting, trump used the bathroom and delayed lifesaving aid to [minority]>."
I'm still convinced that this happened during COVID. With any other administration, the media wouldn't have been motivated to keep hammering on the fear, the vaccines would have been an excuse to end the lockdowns, and you wouldn't see masked-up leftists to this day. Being deathly afraid of COVID was bound up with being a good little resistance member.
That said, I didn't even vote in this election and don't personally like Trump; he melted my dad's brain, among other wrongs. I'm disappointed at the Musk lying and tomfoolery; this isn't even good trolling. It feels like someone somewhere made a monkey-paw wish to defeat wokeness and this is what they got. I worry it might have been me.
I really just wanted the crypto market to go up, thanks to fair/reasonable/clear regulation and institutional buy-in. A Bitcoin reserve is fundamentally a good idea. I want a future where putting 5-10% of your assets/investments in crypto is boring safe, conventional wisdom that it'd be irresponsible not to follow, like bonds or whatever. Trumpcoin doesn't further that goal.
Skulldrinker
3mo ago
I wonder if the Democrats will eventually have a moment when the stark reality of their failures simply can't be tolerated anymore, resulting in a change in tact.
The Democrats might change, but the woke won't. Wokeness is reinforced by and in service to social dynamics; so long as there's an army of braindead leftists out there to like and share your lazy slogans, so long as being a Queer Marxist Male Feminist gets you laid, so long as there's one blue-haired HR lady with kindergarten sensibilities towards everyone but straight white men and scathing hatred towards the latter, the woke will keep at it. They already live in a fascist white supremacy anyways.
Skulldrinker
3mo ago
I think it's something of a reach to say that Ukraine support is about killing hwite men.
Skulldrinker
4mo ago
The second suggestion is just anti-pronouns-in-bio. trans women also put pronouns in their bio, so it catches everyone.
Skulldrinker
4mo ago
Finger-quotes.
Skulldrinker
4mo ago
My solution would be to use the preferred pronouns but somehow mark them as being specifically-requested pronouns. That way when you say She it can be read as sarcastic.
Or include both versions of the pronoun; so a cis woman is She but a trans woman (or a woman who puts her pronouns in her bio) is She/Her. Never call a They/Them They or Them, always call them They/Them.
It would have been 10 minutes before 2017. It's just the most extreme version of the recurring pattern of someone liking me only for a third party to hate me so much they feel the need to intercede, and it always happens in the context of geek culture. And I'm very annoyed that something that happened so long ago is still a load I carry.
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