The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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I am pursuing a job, and indeed it takes up the bulk of my day (~80 hours a week or so). Unfortunately, this job, though financially extremely rewarding, is in a very male-dominated field and my coworkers, though amiable enough in the office, are mostly settled down and not the most social creatures. Hence my reliance on dating apps.
As for my hobbies, I’m a big fan of singing karaoke, playing board games and trivia. Yes, I’m aware that I am a bit of a walking stereotype. My Sunday (well, Saturday) nights are largely spent doing those things with friends. My friend group is reasonably gender-balanced compared to my workplace but there is, I feel, a cultural tendency within the group against asking out other members of the group; instead the vibe is that dating should be kept separate (and, it is implied, app-based) so as to avoid causing drama. In any case, I don’t think there are any currently-single women in the group.
Point well taken that I can and should get into shape. I do think that is the highest-marginal-return-to-attractiveness thing I could do right now, but I don’t see how that would meaningfully widen the top of the funnel. I suppose I might meet someone at the gym, but again, my read of the cultural milieu is that making passes at the gym is generally frowned upon (as always, rules 1 and 2 apply, etc. etc.). The thing is, I was already reasonably happy with my results on Hinge, so I don’t think lack of attractiveness is the biggest issue. My issue right now is that the pipeline has dried up.
Oof, and you're considering pursuing a second degree on top of that? No offense, but that there might be a good chunk of your problem.
Anyway, your milage but in my experience Trivia and Karaoke are actually pretty good options for meeting people because you've got multiple "ice-breakers" built into the premise. "Hey, I'm flying solo tonight you mind if I join your team I got [subject covered]", "I've always loved that song", etc... The trick is to find a regular Event/Spot that has a decent distribution of Men and Women and make it part of your routine. Get to the point where you know the staff and they know you, so that you're not "just some creep on the prowl" you're "Mike the engineer, who does a really good Jon Bon Jovi". Networking isn't just for business.
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Do you expect the job to stay like that for a long period of time? Do you have any plan for what you will do if you do find someone?
It seems like the lack of slack in our day is both making it more difficult to pursue the sorts of social events where you might meet a woman, and also will be hard to manage if you do find a compatible woman, let alone one considering a serious relationship with the possibility of marriage.
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