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Notes -
I haven't read Michael Lewis' book, but I enjoyed reading this really long review of Lewis' book, which is practically a book on SBF in its own right.
I have no idea who is more accurate, Michael Lewis or Zvi, but it's a fun read in any case.
One thing I would note is that I think you might be making too big a deal out of the line:
From what I can tell, in the context of the text that you quoted, it means that Sam and his parents were more into the idea of "just ask me directly if you want something", as opposed to trying to guess what presents it would be best to buy people as part of a social ritual.
It is not saying that Sam and his parents did not care about other people's wants, although of course that could well be true.
It's only impressions I'm getting, so someone else reading that part might think nothing of it. But I do get the feeling that they just didn't care. If you're a sort of outsider/loner at school, and you see all the other kids get birthday parties and presents, while your parents don't even remember the day - how does that make you feel, do you think?
It's not even about getting gifts, it's about little rituals of caring, of demonstrating affection. "I'll buy you shit to get you out of my hair" is not at all the same as "Happy birthday, we're glad you're alive because we love you".
I mean, fuck it, my parents were not Stanford professors with famous dinner parties and a nice upper-middle class lifestyle, and I sure didn't have a ton of friends either, but at least every year as a kid they got me a cake and put candles on it and got me a card and made a goddamn effort for that one day that this wasn't just ordinary tea-time, it was celebrating my birthday. I feel more sorry for Bankman-Fried about that then I do about anything else, because while relationships with my family as I grew up may not always have been untroubled, my parents did demonstrate - even by rote participation in mandated social rituals - that they gave a damn about me. "Today is just the same day as any other day, we don't even privately celebrate this date, and it wouldn't matter anyway because you don't have any friends to invite over for a party, oh and we're not even going to put ourselves out for five minutes of 'what kind of thing does Sam want as a gift?' " - damn, that's cold.
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It does suggest that "I don't care to think about you enough to have an idea of what you want, so I'm going to eschew that responsibility altogether." A key part of gift giving is the thoughtfulness that went in to getting the right gift. Not doing that sends a message.
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