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PaperclipPerfector  1yr ago (text post)   4450 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for November 19, 2023

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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Assortative mating is a real deal, so if you want to bag a wife you'll be proud of, then you need to work on yourself too, presuming your profile picture is you, unless you get really jacked you'll have to rely on something other than good looks carrying you (a problem I share, I'm just being honest here, not attempting to call you ugly, even just being plain means you need more in hand).

You're 26 years old, and don't have much in the way of qualifications. Well, I'm 26 years old, and despite "lacking the discipline" to pursue independent tasks, Ritalin proved to be a sufficient aid to get me through med school.

That is not a route I would recommend to anyone today (unless they're at just the right age to get in), because I think there's a very high chance you will be effectively obsolete and unemployable (for current wages) by the time you're done. This is true for most professions, not just medicine, not that you suggested you were inclined towards it.

IMO, you should aim for a career where minimal credentials and maximum selling your skills applies, programming is one that comes to mind, perhaps a trade if you're willing to go down that route. I would strongly advise against anything that needs a Bachelors, then a Masters and a PhD, you simply do not have the luxury of that much time (though being a student in a promising course is a good way to get a girl! At least you'll be in an environment where they're present, programming excepted).

You raised concerns of delaying having kids later being bad because of aging related degradation of your seminal genetic material, which honestly isn't that big a deal for men. The most pertinent reason to avoid delaying past your 40s is that you will likely just lack the energy to handle kids, even if that's not something that can't be overcome.

So my advise is, get into a Bachelors in whatever you think you have the aptitude for, perhaps consider a Masters if you don't find a well-paying job straight away, and use that time to expose yourself to women your age with the traits you desire.

You raised concerns of delaying having kids later being bad because of aging related degradation of your seminal genetic material, which honestly isn't that big a deal for men.

Any relationship between delayed paternity and having autistic children?

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7396152/

Instead, increased odds of ASD were found with paternal age < 30 years (adjusted odds ratio [AOR] = 2.83 and 95% confidence intervals [CI] = 1.14–7.02). Likewise, younger age (<30 years) for both parents was associated with decreases in Mullen Scales of Early Learning early learning composite (MSEL-ELC) scores

It is indeed a risk factor, but as far as I'm aware, considering all congenital abnormalities and not just autism, maternal age is a bigger deal.

children born to fathers who were 45 years or older were at higher risk for developing autism than those born to fathers who were 25 years or younger.

Source: an observational study of five million children in five countries; an article which cites it also notes the issues with the study’s methodology.

Is it just a correlation or is it causal? Because I can think of lots of reasons autistic traits would be correlated with having kids later.

So my advise is, get into a Bachelors in whatever you think you have the aptitude for, perhaps consider a Masters if you don't find a well-paying job straight away, and use that time to expose yourself to women your age with the traits you desire.

That would be ideal, but like I said, I lack the discipline or whatever.

I offered you a solution, stimulants, as many as it takes to make you sit down and do what you're supposed to rather than what you feel like.

Speaking of that, I should get back to studying for yet more medical exams before mine wear off..

Do stimulants actually make you focus on work rather than play? I thought it just made you focus on whatever it is you're doing. I suppose of course it's worth trying anyway, but I'm not optimistic.

I can certainly game for hours and hours on it, but the primary issue I have is coaxing myself into sitting in front of an open textbook, and it augments my willpower to do that.

Then again, I'm Motte-posting before it's worn off, but I did solve 100+ MCQs today, and I'll do some more now.

Thanks for all the replies.

You're welcome! Get the bag, make sure it's Gucci, and you'll find someone to carry it on one arm with her other in yours.

You raised concerns of delaying having kids later being bad because of aging related degradation of your seminal genetic material, which honestly isn't that big a deal for men.

The primary concern is the age of the mother. Maybe I could marry someone much younger, but that comes with its own set of issues, and the vast majority of women marry someone within only a few years of them anyway.

You don’t need to worry about a thing lad; I’m in my 40s and my future wife hasn’t even been born yet.

You don’t need to worry about a thing lad; I’m in my 40s and my future wife hasn’t even been born yet.

How long are you expecting to live? Why? And where do you live to expect a relationship with such a large age gap to be tolerated? Plus, why do you expect her to go for such a relationship, given the aforementioned gap?

= \

An age-gap of even ten years is utterly unremarkable, especially when it's, say, a 40 year old guy marrying a 30 yo woman. It's far from an intractable issue.

An age-gap of even ten years is utterly unremarkable,

Maybe where you live, but it would be quite shocking in any of the social circles I'm familiar with.

What social circles are those?

Alaska.

Yes, to be clear, I'm not some turbo doomer about this. But dating is hard enough already without adding on even more filters.

Dating will get easier when you're either a student in a promising profession, or someone employed making decent dough. At that point, being the kind of guy who wants a significantly younger wife becomes a far more tractable problem, easier the more money you have really.

So being a recent graduate is a bad time to date?

Bad? Compared to your entire life? Not at all.

But compared to either:

  1. Being in schooling, where you have state-sanctioned proximity to young and attractive people of the other gender, very few people in your peer group having become so utterly superior to you in terms of credentials.

  2. Being well-established in a career where you're gaining points for being wealthy/successful/put-together, in other words having said credentials.

It's a bit worse.

1 happens to be the biggest hurdle for the average person asking for relationship advice here, they're usually nerdy, shy or introverted, and often are in a stream where women are rare. But they usually get a big benefit from 2, where being successful makes them attractive again.

Being a recent graduate who just got a decent job, still has an active friends circle from college or uni and hasn't aged out of hangouts or events where the denizens of the latter exist is far from the worst place to be.

I'm somehow in the worst of all worlds. I'm nerdy, shy, and introverted and did a degree where there were very few women and I had almost no free time, have had very little career success since graduating, and am now no longer part of a social circle that involves going to parties or meeting new people after moving back to my hometown and now only hanging out with friends from high school and having not succeeded at making friends in university.

I do feel for you, I really do. Even as a man who has had decent success with the ladies, every time I see someone involuntarily celebate, I think "there but for the grace of God go I". If I was short, less funny or not a doctor or.. a dozen other things that could have been counterfactually true while still preserving the core of my personality. I certainly spent at least 18 years of my life in severe sexual and romantic frustration, and if I do end up single again, I don't look forward to the headache that is modern dating in the West.

(Please don't think I'm calling you an incel, heavens no, the difficulty most men face in getting a date compared to the average woman makes intra-group differences minuscule)

The problem is well, there are no easy solutions. Most things that make it easy for men to date are innate, or the result of innate tendencies, such as being smart enough to get into a high paying job.

Do you think your professional misfortunes are reversible? Are you at least on track to make your money? Are you fit and manage to dress well?

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Dating will get easier when you're either a student in a promising profession

I disagree, based on what I've seen happen with my classmates at a US medical school. And the residents. It only changes once you are an attending.

At that point, being the kind of guy who wants a significantly younger wife becomes a far more tractable problem

AFAICT, it's the only thing that makes it more tractable.

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