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PaperclipPerfector  1yr ago (text post)   2701 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for November 15, 2023

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Reframing negative thoughts means detaching from the part of your self that generates these negatives thoughts. You won't end up "responding to all things with serene indifference" because what you are detaching from is your inner thoughts and not the outside world.

Nor is it about pathologizing negative thoughts. In fact, the primary thing that changes is that you start dealing with them head on:

  • Step 0: avoid activities in life because they cause you negative emotions (e.g. I won't go to the party because nobody wants to hang out with me) and instead numb yourself using drugs, alcohol, video games, social media etc. Since you didn't accomplice anything you now start to form this habit of generating negative thoughts that explain your behavior (e.g. nobody wants to be friends with me)
  • Step 1: become aware of this cognitive trap and try to instead suppress your negative thoughts (e.g. I will go to the party even knowing that this will make me anxious and panicky and I will try my best)
  • Step 2: cognitively reframe and realize that your negative thoughts are an ingrained habit that isn't useful for you and try to change it (e.g. I will go to the party because I am good enough that there will be some people to talk to and hang out with)

You'll still experience emotions and thoughts about things in the world. But now you will be in a better position to respond to them in the way that you want.

Watch this video: Why it's Actually Valuable to be Detached

I don't think this really rings true. Yes, relentless negative thoughts are unpleasant to deal with. But they don't cause me to avoid activities. I still regularly go the gym or go to work even if it feels terrible or if it's a tremendous effort.

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A motte is a stone keep on a raised earthwork common in early medieval fortifications. More pertinently, it's an element in a rhetorical move called a "Motte-and-Bailey", originally identified by philosopher Nicholas Shackel. It describes the tendency in discourse for people to move from a controversial but high value claim to a defensible but less exciting one upon any resistance to the former. He likens this to the medieval fortification, where a desirable land (the bailey) is abandoned when in danger for the more easily defended motte. In Shackel's words, "The Motte represents the defensible but undesired propositions to which one retreats when hard pressed."

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