Hi there! So I've had a weird variety of physical health issues for the past several years, and seeing a wide variety of doctors / therapists etc. has not done a lot for me. I grew up in a sort of physically violent / verbally abrasive household (I'm going to step back from using the term "abusive," but probably not that far off) and I've always wondered if there's some connection between that and my current physical health issues.
The tricky thing is... I'm just sort of positive / upbeat / feel good basically all the time, and it's hard for me to really identify any conscious emotions or bodily tension or anything that seems related. It's totally possible it's just all suppressed like 4 layers down, because I'm pretty sure I also do this with anger (eg since I grew up with an insanely angry person in the house, I just couldn't really express anger/upset at all, or they would freak out at me).
So I'm trying to figure out what other kinds of approaches to try, because most of the normal therapists I've seen have come up at a loss.
Any thoughts appreciated!
Thanks.
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It's hard to know whether that's the case for you without more information.
It's possible that buried stress, trauma, trapped emotions, insecure childhood attachment etc can cause physical issues that can be hard to diagnose. Some people even get a severe chronic fatigue that leaves them bedridden due to a subconscious module shutting down the body without the conscious person having any idea what is going on. Toxins affect us in many ways, whether that is something in your current physical environment, or your current or past psychosocial environments. But the fact you feel good all the time makes me less sure that you are particularly traumatized. But it's hard to say without knowing more.
You may want to look at this and see if anything rings a bell: https://themovementparadigm.com/how-to-map-your-own-nervous-sytem-the-polyvagal-theory/
In any case, here are some things that worked for me:
Basically you'll have to introspect regularly. Meditate. Therapy can also be useful, but not on its own, because I do not fancy the odds of finding the needle in the haystack, the actually supremely competent therapist who can help you fully. More likely you will have to do much of the looking and healing yourself. If it is the case that you have something within your mind that is making your body dysfunctional, you're the one who has to discover it and work with it.
There is a treatment protocol called Ideal Parent Figure meditation. It's good for those who have attachment disturbances. If one or both of your parents did not provide secure attachment for you, you may draw benefit from repairing that. I recommend a teacher called Cedric Reeves (www.attachmentrepair.com). These guided meditations were pretty huge for me. The way it works is that the mind does not differentiate between reality and fantasy when it comes to establishing procedural memories of things like the emotions of having a secure attachment to parents in early childhood. That means you can imagine yourself as a child and replace the problematic situation with a new one where you are truly seen, heard, understood, loved, cared for. This will put in place a healthier basis for existential safety, which is pretty important for many bodily and mental functions.
Then there's something called Internal Family Systems. It purports that we consist of many parts in the mind, with varying degrees of agency and motives. I only tried this briefly. It definitely seemed to map something that exists, and seemed useful, but it was not the right treatment modality for me at the time.
Apart from IPF, the thing that has helped sort out various mind/body imbalances has been daily mindfulness meditation. Once the mind unifies, it can inspect itself and let go of programs, delusions, emotion complexes that are not necessary anymore. It lets you take in what is actually extant in your current reality and let go of old sub-optimal models.
I appreciate this framing. More productive than trying to find the needle-in-the-haystack therapist for sure.
I'll definitely a look at ideal parent figure meditation, and internal family systems. I've been sort of following the mind illuminated's path for awhile, with the general goal of hoping that will lead to increased mindfulness and ability to address these sorts of things.
Thanks!
You're welcome! TMI is a good manual, but it can lead to striving, if you're not careful. The whole stages concept can lead to a feeling of needing to get to somewhere other than precisely where you are.
It can be helpful to discuss these things with a group/sangha. Having access to a teacher is always very useful too.
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