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Notes -
Both parties share some responsibility; how much depends on the details of the situation. As an analogy, imagine your drunk friend asked you where his keys were because he wanted to drive. If you help him find his keys and then he drives drunk and gets into an accident then he certainly is responsible, but so are you. If you have sex with someone intoxicated and know that they will likely regret it then in my opinion you are partly responsible.
Edit: "How would you know/foresee this?" The same way you try to predict how other people will feel about something in any other social situation. Of course sometimes it is possible to make an honest mistake. For example, suppose that someone wants to have sex with you and tells you over and over that they just want to hook up but later you find out that they really wanted a relationship. In most such situations, I think your position would be quite defensible and the person who wanted to have sex with you should bear most or all of the responsibility for their decision. But I think anyone who's been an adult long enough has seen some situations where a man was knowingly using a woman's emotional neediness for sex and I don't think that's a good thing (and even less so if intoxication is involved). By the way, I think you could read Moran's advice to young men from the OP's post as, in part, advice for "how to know/foresee this."
It’s bizarre. Why does the man have the responsibility to look into the future and use his good judgment, when the woman couldn’t be bothered/failed to do so? She could have used “the way to predict how other people will feel about something in any other social situation “ to simply say no in the first place, instead of relying on his predictions, his self-control, to say no for her against her expressed wish. Let’s just consider her acquiescence the ‘honest mistake’ that is nobody else’s problem, problem solved. Do better next time.
As I think I stated pretty clearly, my view is that both parties share some responsibility and how much each one is responsible depends on the details of the situation. When people are extremely drunk they often make bad decisions. Of course they are responsible for making those bad decisions, but if you abet them then you are also responsible. And even more so if you knowingly abet their bad decisions for your own benefit.
I don't think I'm saying anything too crazy or that most people would even argue with if sex and gender weren't involved.
And I reject that view. If you drink and (agree to) do something, it is strictly your responsibility.
I mean if that's really your view then I guess I probably can't argue you out of it. But it honestly seems kind of strange to me. Suppose that your friend gets really drunk and wants to drive his car. Assume for the sake of the thought experiment that he's going to drive it on a totally deserted road so there's no risk of him hurting other people. You think it would be funny to watch him drive his car drunk so you give him his keys when he asks. He then crashes his car and gets badly hurt. Do you really mean to say that his injury is strictly his responsibility and you have no blame at all?
Yes, unless he gave me his keys specifically so that I would refuse to hand them over if he’s drunk.
If I’m not there, he’s still going to crash the car, so it’s not my responsibility. Now in real life of course I would try to stop him, drive him there myself etc. But ultimately it’s not my decision. Am I supposed to beat him up if he insists?
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