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Notes -
That's a very good and insightful post, thanks!
I've recently been rewatching the mid-2000s TV show "The Good Wife," and it's one of the few creative works I've encountered that grapples with the issues you discuss. I suspect that some people on this forum might dismiss the series out of hand because it features a guest appearance from Donna Brazil and because the sequel, "The Good Fight," is a Trump Derangement fugue and woke fever dream—and would encourage you to reconsider. Especially after a romantic plot is resolved in the second season finale, the show turns almost exclusively to Julianna Margulies' titular good wife confronting exactly the good person/nice person conflict you're talking about — both in others and herself.
It really is well worth your time
I had to watch one episode of it in college and it seemed unusually intelligent and thought-provoking for a legal drama. My parents love it.
They had a great habit of casting against type. In the season four premier, one character says of another "maybe Mao isn't so bad if he works for you."
Mao is played by Nathan Lane.
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