The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
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The bad news: What you are discovering are truths about the human condition - going after sources of temporary happiness or fulfillment will never lead to lasting, reliable happiness and fulfillment. Food, sex, money - thinking that these objects of greed will give you what you really seek is kind of like being a dog that mindlessly salivates at the thought of being thrown a bone from the butcher shop. They get the bone sometimes, and gnaw at the bone, even though it's already been scraped clean of meat. It will only provide enough satisfaction of the desire to keep you falling for the same trick in the future. Until you're tired of it.
The good news: You're in a great position to start seeing through the games that the mind sets up. You're already tired of it. You're in a pretty enviable position. Lots of people would love to get by on passive incomes with barely any work. You have your basic needs met, yet you are not fulfilled. This makes it clear to you that seeking lasting happiness from outside sources cannot work. What's good about realizing this? Because breaking free from illusions is liberating. It means you can stop setting conditions for when to have happiness.
If I were you I'd start putting a good chunk of time into diligent meditation each day. It worked for me. I'm not saying it made me happy all the time, but I'm a lot less unsatisfied than I used to be.
Yep, I can confirm your assessment in the first two paragraphs. I'm very bored of worldly pleasures and want to seek greater fulfillment. What do you mean by diligent meditation? Do you sit in a room with no distractions and just think? That's what I imagine meditation is. Do you reflect on deeper questions? I'm curious to know more about it and why it helped you out to be more satisfied with life because it doesn't sound super exciting but I'm open to exploring it as well.
You might want to read this brief chapter, "Meditation: Why bother?" from a freely available book called Mindfulness in Plain English: https://www.vipassana.com/meditation/mindfulness_in_plain_english_3.html
By diligent meditation I mean that you closely follow the instructions given to you by a legitimate teacher and/or book. And not just for 10 minutes every once in a while. For at least 45 minutes per day (you may start with lower amounts and work your way up). You sit in a room, in a position that will keep you both comfortable and alert, and engage in no distractions. You might follow the breath or another relatively reliable object which you can bear to stay with. You do not intentionally proliferate thinking (unless you're doing an analytical style of meditation, but this is done later, if ever). You do not intellectually reflect on deeper questions, although exploring deeper questions and assumptions is what a more trained mind will start to do on its own, when looking for mundane or supramundane insights. This will not happen right away. You need to train the mind first and get a stable base of mindfulness established. It's a bit like training the body. Most people's minds may be trained in one way through their education and work, but remain absurdly untrained in other ways. It can't perform at a good level if you don't cultivate it. The duration of 45+ minutes is necessary to get the mind to settle, reaching an understanding where the mind's modules cannot just "ride out the storm" before getting right back to doing what they have always done. In order to attain liberation for ourselves we help the mind to observe and change itself, unifying the board members around a common purpose, while observing its autonomous natures. Some parts don't want to change. They are employed in certain ways and do not want to become unemployed. We give them a better alternative. We find joy in letting go.
Part of the training of the mind is to strengthen your power of consciousness and to shape your working memory. For me, it freed up several slots in working memory, and populated it with more sensory reality of the present moment, and less with past and future time-constructions. The slots used for the present moment are instantly available for cognitive uses when needed. Focusing more on the present moment will let the mind observe itself in action, further "upstream" than usual. Much of what the mind does comes about through chains of thoughts, assumptions built on assumptions, feelings built on feelings. This can happen lightning quick. Typically you only see the downstream result. Meditation takes you closer to the source, where you may adjust things in a way that leads to more harmony, more letting go, less running of unnecessary or stressful programs. :)
Let me know if you want specific recommendations for teaching sources.
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Meditation is just one avenue of seeking wisdom, which it sounds like is what you’re looking for. Basically the task of learning to find lasting contentment or at least a sort of understanding with life.
The reason people have told you to go to church is because that’s traditionally a place you seek wisdom with others. If you want to do it alone you’re in for a difficult path.
Well, I've never been one to take an easy path. What is it about seeking wisdom with others that makes it easier than seeking wisdom alone?
People are very bad at seeing their own weaknesses and flaws for one. Our brains aren’t designed for it. Hence your asking for advice here.
Two, there will be a lot you don’t know. Wisdom is difficult to pass down in a fully legible format, so you’ll likely be reading myths and stories and scriptures. Pieces which others have been working on understanding for thousands of years. Having a guide through those commentaries is crucial.
Finally, if you really open yourself up to fundamentally changing your view of yourself and the world (a necessary step) you can get to some weird places. People you can talk to help keep you sane and out of the deep end. They also help you learn to articulate your experiences in a socially acceptable way.
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