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CSpitz  1yr ago (text post)   3226 thread views

Married guys of The Motte, where are your wives hanging out and can I join in?

I’m looking to find out where I can meet other women/moms who value rationalist-style discourse, but are more interested in kids, family, community, and home than in Motte discussions these days.

I’m a long time Motte lurker with a deep respect for the tenets of this forum. I crave more of this type of discourse. The issue is, I’m a stay-at-home mom now and I’m choosing to spend my time elsewhere (kids, community-building, garden, etc). Most of my exposure to this community is now through my husband (who forwards me the quality contributions he thinks I’d like), and honestly I’m generally more interested in topics that relate closer to my daily life these days anyway. (e.g. I'm very interested in Culture War stuff, but with more of a focus on "how the heck do I raise my kids in the middle of this Culture War?")

I’m wondering whether I can somehow connect with other moms (maybe wives of Motte members?) who are similarly lurking but who’d enjoy Motte-style discourse a lot more than the kinds of discourse I’ve been finding on more-mainstream kinds of online mommy groups (ugh).

TL;DR Seeking moms who love the rationalist ethos, but are busy doing mom stuff.

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Men are more online than women. Given the relatively small size of this community, and the strange circumstances which created it, I think that might be enough on its own to explain the absence of similar but more female-skewed communities.

We're not parents yet (getting started in a month though!) but otherwise my wife is pretty much exactly who you're looking for. Your vision of a [parenting forum with Motte-style discourse] would be absolutely perfect for her, and even so I'm not sure she'd spend any time there. She likes listening to podcasts a lot more than reading even her favorite essays/forums.

I'd suggest finding (or becoming) an influencer with those values, finding/organizing a community around that, and then going from there. That would be the best way to get my wife (and thus similar people) involved.

Best of luck, and please let me know if you find anything, so I can refer my wife there.

That sounds like an excellent idea! I’m very much in the mood to start something. I also don’t have the time (or inclination to make time) for much essay-reading these days. I’m thinking I try starting a small Discord chat and see what that turns into. That sounds much more my speed. I’ll pm you when I’ve figured out how to actually do that…

Best of luck starting your family!!

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