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Wellness Wednesday for July 19, 2023

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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"whatever's left after deducting shared expenses she can do with what she wants"

That's one way of doing it. Realistically what this will look like after 10 years is that I will have saved up a lot of money and she will have saved up almost none. Then when we go to buy a house, the deposit will primarily come from me, partly because I earned more and partly because I saved more.

The earned more part I don't have a problem with. That's what I signed up for by getting married. My money is our money. But the saved more part makes me feel like a schmuck. Why should I be sacrificing more for that goal than she?